That's right. My bartender fucking left The Dungeon. I came in Friday night expecting to see her behind the bar as usual with a big smile on her face and a hug for me, ready to open my tab, BUT NO. There was this new chick who didn't even know which drinks went in which cups. She even started scrutinizing my ID when I opened my tab, but luckily the owner came over and told her that my ID was good and that I was a regular.
I asked Jet, the doorman, where Carin was. "Carin don't work here no more."
God fucking dammit. That's the forth time Jet has told me something like this. First it was Hope, then Gemini, then Walter, and now fucking Carin. This is fucking bullshit. Carin was my favorite.
They told me she works at Penthouse as a waitress, but I don't want her as a fucking waitress at some other place. I want her as MY BARTENDER, behind the bar at THE DUNGEON.
Ugh. Fuck it all. I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette now.
"Chief, are you alright?" Carin, my favorite bartender, could see the sorrow permeating from the genuine expression on my face; the very sorrow I was trying to drown in Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. It was another Friday night at The Dungeon, my favorite bar.
Her eyes showed concern like an old friend. I just give her a fake smile and a thumbs up. I wasn't going to give a woman my burdens like I used to back in my wbAFC chode days. I turned to Blacktop, "Listen, man. I'm going to make everything right." It was 3 AM and I was drunk, but not as drunk as I was aiming for just yet.
"What are you going to make right?" Blacktop asks. I tell him, "Everything." I turn to Vain and manage to sputter out whatever was going through my head at the time, "My parents say that they're proud of me, but I don't fucking believe them. I sure as hell wouldn't be proud of me if I were them. But mark my words, man. One day I'm going to make them really proud of me."
The laundry list of my problems that I had in my head were washed away by alcohol as the night progressed... or at least that's what was supposed to happen. In reality every sip made me fall deeper into my crappy little hole, but I was starting to like it. I went over to the jukebox to play songs like "Evidence" and "Just a Car Crash Away" by Marilyn Manson to see exactly how far down I could explore my crappy dark little hole without dying. Self-destruction is one of my greatest virtues anyway. Why? It breeds creation.
I was able to dwell deep enough in my drunken sorrows that I came to a point where I truly stopped caring about everything in the world. The only thing that truly existed was the present moment, and that was the only thing that actually mattered. There's definitely something blissful and enlightening in realization. There wasn't a smile on my face just yet, though.
And then a woman came and sat next to me at the bar. HBVampire is another Dungeon patron that I see a lot. Her mere feminine presence allowed me to switch to positivity/optimism mode. It's a pretty handy trick that every PUA should get under their belt. It's all about developing a habit. We somehow eventually got into a conversation about seeing the beauty in everything. I find out that she just broke up with her girlfriend. She also had not been with a man in over three years. Being drunk, I felt that I could just sense the strongest desire to be fucked hard in her soul. I decided to give her something special that night.
I gave SOIs and went direct in as smooth of a way as I could be when I'm drunk as fuck, which actually isn't too bad considering that I've had a lot of practice to calibrate my game pretty well under almost any circumstance. After some direct flirting and kino, we frankly made a verbal agreement to go home with each other that night. I tell my friends that I won't be catching a cab with them that night. Later on HBVampire and I left the bar and went to her house.
I was way too drunk to remember all the details, but I do know this: In the light of an opportunity to give and share the pleasure of a sexual experience - like how a musician gives his audience the pleasure of feeling all that he has felt through his music - I was able to forget about the selfish concerns of mine that I was trying to drink away. That is what an artist does: he gives. He is able to separate himself from his own fears, anxieties, sorrows, baggage, etc. and just give the best he's got. HBVampire desired to be loved that night, as every woman does at all times. Since the type of artist I am just happens to be the type that gives love and pleasure, I was able to orchestrate a magnificent impromptu symphony.
I woke up the next morning and realized that I had no idea where the fuck in New Orleans I was. HBVampire's house was pretty far from where I lived. I didn't even remember exactly how I got there in the first place since I was so drunk. Oh well, at least I didn't get whiskey dick.
Fortunately I was able to call one of my friends and get a ride back home!
Exciting news, everyone! I am in the process of writing my first ebook, titled "Resurrect The Seducer Within."
RTSW is going to be a step by step program you can follow to get really good at pickup really fast. It's going to be a highly condensed, action-packed guide to blast past any problems standing between you and masterful seduction.
I went through the Don Juan Boot Camp, which is an ebook consisting of a series of drills and missions to improve yourself, and I liked the idea of it. However, I wasn't quite satisfied with it. I decided to take a step beyond what that book covered and applied what I thought REALLY mattered in terms of seduction.
What did I not like about it specifically? Well, it's actually something that bothers me about the seduction community as a whole nowadays... There's just too much focus on being friendly and socializing properly and not enough focus on ACTUAL SEDUCTION. Too many pickup methods nowadays land you in the friend zone and leave you with blue balls. My ebook is going to bring you back to the SEXUAL roots of the seduction community through a training process unlike any other.
Another thing I didn't like too much about it was the inflexibility of the boot camp schedule. I'm designing my ebook so that you can move at your own pace because every PUA student learns at a different rate. It's original purpose shall be to train someone as fast as possible, but the student can also choose to take as long as he wants if he can benefit more from doing so.
Most of all, my ebook is going to emphasize a hidden truth to seduction that many people have actually been lying to you about... You'll see what I mean later. (Hint: There is a clue in the title)
I just started writing it, so it's going to take a while before it'll be available to anyone. Watch this blog for future updates.
The way that most PUAs think of attraction nowadays is ineffective. Since the concept of attraction is inherently subjective, I'm not saying that the way most PUAs think of attraction is wrong; it just makes the process of seduction unnecessarily difficult. More often than not, they structure their beliefs about attraction in a way that makes seduction an uphill battle rather than a thrilling free fall into a night of passionate fucking. Rather than letting yourself struggle with a puzzle of useless routines and DHV stories, allow me to offer an alternative way to think about attraction.
When it comes to attraction, a PUA's focus should be on sexually framing every thread of an interaction with a woman he's interested in so that the woman feels aroused with SEXUAL attraction. All the other things about attraction that you've heard - preselection, humor, wealth, and other commonly known DHVs - act mainly as logistical assistance that allows a woman to backwards rationalize her feelings of sexual attraction for a man. They aren't actually part of the main force that pushes the seduction forward.
In other words, if you're not thinking of attraction as a purely sexual feeling of desire, you're doing it wrong. Practicing pickup from the community's currently conventional value-based view of attraction leads to a big roadblock that aspiring PUAs constantly run into: the awkward switch from a "fun and social" vibe to a sexual vibe.
For example, if a PUA is trying to "build attraction" by communicating to a woman that they are a leader of men, the vibe of the interaction becomes based on the perception of social value. Contrary to popular belief in the seduction community, social value does not directly arouse a woman. It only gives her a "this guy is acceptable to associate with" message from her social programming. Somewhere along the way this message has the potential to translate into "this guy is acceptable to have sex with," but it is by no means triggering an instinctual horny desire for her to spread her legs and enthusiastically invite you in. It's not directly eliciting emotions within her that make her want to grab you and ride your cock until the both of you pass out from pleasure.
Lets put things into perspective. Have you ever met a woman who wasn't strikingly attractive to you, but your guys friends thought she was really really hot? You take a second look at her after you hear what your boys think of her, and suddenly she seems a bit more attractive than before. I don't know about you, but this happens to me a lot. Compare this situation to a time you met a woman who was so hot and sexy to you that you instantly felt a surge of lust and pure desire pulsating through your body and mind. When a PUA is trying to "build attraction" through things like commonly promoted DHVs and other "provider" cues such as being a leader of men, the woman may feel a slight growth in attraction for him just like how any guy would feel about that woman his friends approve of. However, this becomes a slow and strenuous process if the goal is simply sex. Wouldn't you rather have the woman feel the same way you're feeling when you see that incredibly sexy woman of your dreams for the first time?
Before we move on, let's address one limiting belief that may have popped up in your head just now. Do looks actually matter? My answer to that question may shock you...
Yes. Looks matter. However, your looks will only be able to help you if you are well-groomed and fashionable. If you think you're inherently ugly, you're fucking wrong. Why am I saying that looks matter, then?
Evolution has made it so that the genetic pool of the human race seeks to be heterogeneous. If every human being had the same genes and looked completely alike as a "perfect 10," that would open up a Pandora's box of problems for our species's survival. Ultimately, we'd become fatally vulnerable to natural mutations due to the decreased ability to adapt from a lack of genetic diversity. Species that have a homogeneous gene pool (as opposed to a heterogeneous one like ours) are actually asexual. That means they don't have sex with other members of their species. They reproduce offspring independently.
For our species to remain sexual and genetically heterogeneous, our sexual attraction is rooted in the principle of opposites attracting. Combining two opposites is the best way to produce something completely new. Make a shit ton of new stuff and you'll end up with a really fucking heterogeneous pool of stuff.
Since opposites attract, you will be very sexually attracted to a woman with genes opposite to yours. This is why you typically feel grossed out when you imagine having sex with members of your own family. This also means that the woman of your dreams will be sexually attracted to you since you have genes that are opposite to hers.
Just like Gunwitch teaches, as long as you are sarging women that you are genuinely attracted to on a physical/sexual level, they will much more likely to be genuinely attracted to you in the same way. A big problem that a lot of guys trying to learn pickup face is that they struggle through sarges because they are trying to seduce the socially defined "hottie" instead of listening to their gut-level attraction.
Proper grooming and shit like that allows you to express your genetic attractiveness more fully. Socially "uncool" fashion and poor hygiene will stifle the signal of your genes' polar pull. That's why having a cool style is highly beneficial.
OK, now that we know that looks matter. We also know that whatever looks we were born with will only help us get what we want (having sex with women we are genuinely sexually attracted to). After we've made our genes more presentable through fashion and grooming, how do we play the game according to this sexually focused definition of attraction?
I break the system of increasing sexual attraction down into three main tools that you can use: 1. Sexual State Projection 2. Sexual Framing 3. Sexual Tension
Note that these tools aren't in any particular order. For the most part, the game is not linear. It is mostly circular.
Sexual State Projection
Projecting Sexual State is pretty much something straight out of the Gunwitch Method. Go read it here: www.gunwitch.com
Sexual Framing
Sexual Framing is a big one. I define sexual framing as anything that gets the woman thinking about having sex with you, whether it be of conscious thought or of subconscious storage of thought.
How do you get a woman to think about having sex with you? There are many ways to do so. One day I observed a "natural" casually interacting with a group of people I was a part of. I was shocked at some of the crudely sexual remarks that came out of his mouth, but my shock would quickly subside when I noticed how congruent and unapologetic he was with his frame. I justified his behavior in my head, "That's just who he is. He must just be a really sexually aware guy." Besides, he wasn't being confrontational or creepy or anything like that. He seemed like he was just being his own damn self, completely comfortable in his own skin.
What he was doing was essentially giving everyone ample opportunity to squeeze our imaginations and produce sexual thoughts by using sexually charged language. It was then I realized that I must take more risks by engaging in potentially socially inappropriate behavior that clearly steers an interaction toward a sexual direction. For example:
HB: So I was shopping the other day (something completely unrelated to sex) Chief: What? Let's have sex? Well, OK then. HB: ... Chief: Oh wait, that's not what you said. It's not a bad idea, though. HB: Huh? Chief: OK OK You're convincing me. Anyways, what were you saying about shopping? HB: *giggle giggle giggle*
Sexual Framing can be as simple or as advanced as you need it to be. It can be as simple as using the word "sexy" when describing yourself or something about her, or as advanced as the "Grand Master Style" where you calibrate extremely vulgar phrases with a "just kidding." It can be as simple as using the old "That's what she said" line when you get an opportunity to use it, or as advanced as a trance-hijacking NLP pattern.
Amongst the many schools of the pickup arts I've delved into, I also studied Speed Seduction. So, of course I can think of numerous ways to sexually frame an interaction using NLP. One great way I've found to do this is to simply speak in ways that presuppose that we're already lovers.
All in all you should keep this in mind when it comes to Sexual Framing: As long as you are somehow directly giving her the mental image of her having sex with you, you're doing it right.
Sexual Tension
Building Sexual Tension gives you that feeling of needing closure. The more of it you build, the more you'll want to fuck each others brains out. And, the greater the mutual desire for sex, the greater the likelihood of sex actually happening. It'll also make sex a lot more enjoyable for both of you.
Tension is something that's created when two opposing forces are combined somehow. To apply tension to sexual attraction, you must combine a force that's moving the sexual vibe forward and a force that actually holds the sexual vibe back. One of the most common ways to do this is to evoke sexual arousal within yourself and the woman while talking about something that's completely nonsexual.
Because of the way in which these techniques use opposing forces in harmony, any application of the push/pull dynamic, the concept of 2-steps-forward-1-step-back, and cat string theory to the sexual vibe of an interaction will build Sexual Tension.
Another technique that builds Sexual Tension is triangular gazing. While you use triangular gazing, you are communicating the fact that you are thinking about kissing her. However, since this desire isn't verbalized, you end up building sexual tension.
An extreme example of building Sexual Tension is Ciaran's Shock and Awe technique. While using Shock and Awe you are verbally and physically expressing your pure desire but demonstrating an attempt to suppress your desire at the same time. Read about it here: http://www.puaratings.com/articles/ciaran-shock-and-awe
Adopting the mentality of sexual attraction that I have just outlined for you will increase your success rate in field dramatically. It certainly has for me. Many know this structure of game as "Fool's Mate." I just call it my standard game. Those who call this "Fool's Mate" are just following a structure of game that's slow and unnecessarily tedious.
If you want to have sex, why not focus on the sexual aspects of an interaction from the get-go?
Oh, and by the way... Combining this shit with an effective procedure of kino escalation and Vin DiCarlo's "Objection Game" is basically the complete model of my entire Outer Game. Now go out and get laid.
I want you to sit down and imagine this following scenario. Go inside your head right now and imagine this happening with as many vivid details as possible. Read this slowly and deliberately, soaking in as much of it as you can.
You are in line to ride a roller coaster for the first time ever, but you feel absolutely no fear. In fact, you feel nothing at all. You feel like you might as well be sitting down silently and calmly, just staring at a dot on a piece of paper. You are right there in line for the roller coaster but you expect no consequences at all.
You get into the dull gray roller coaster car and you still feel nothing. It's as if you're just going through the motions without feeling a thing. There isn't an ounce of fear in your system. You feel no fear, thrill, nor excitement for the ride to come.
The roller coaster car starts up and takes you through spins and loops, physically lifting your position in space up and down at various speeds. Your emotions, however, are completely unaffected. You still feel like you might as well be sitting down silently and calmly, just staring at a dot on a piece of paper.
The roller coaster car makes a full circle and starts slowing down back where you started. You step off on the car and start walking away to get on with your life. You can't help but to ask yourself, "What the hell was the point of all that?"
Is this how you want your interactions and relationships with women to go?
Or would you rather embrace your Approach Anxiety and just go for it, enjoying the full spectrum of your emotions to savor the many flavors of life?
There can be no yin without the yang. If you wish to gain everything, you must be willing to risk losing everything. Like the exhilarating path of a roller coaster, you'll only go as high as deep as you'll be willing to dive.
Stop being a pussy, man up, and approach her... with or without Approach Anxiety.
A friend and fellow student of the pickup arts asked me a question in confidence today. He showed me a rather long email that he received from his ex-girlfriend. It detailed how obsessed she was with him, and how she can't get him off her mind.
He no longer wishes to be her boyfriend, but she's hooked because he abused his PUA power by creating nearly unbreakable connections just so that he could guarantee sex and a relationship with this girl. Needless to say, she really wants to re-establish an exclusive relationship with him. The question he posed to me was:
"Honestly, I just want her vagina because it was so tight, but I was ever so dumb to fucking mindwash her, and now I can't get the vagina, without getting the entire package with it. I don't want the entire fucking package, and you seem the only guy to go to on this. What do I say to this email?"
The following was my response:
Get ready for an epic "I told you so."
I told you so.
An ounce of prevention is more valuable than a pound of cure. It's better to manage expectations than to have to deal with damage control. Hopefully now you'll stop teaching AFCs to establish deep connections that they'll inevitably regret later. ;)
My ability to foresee these kinds of things comes from having been a wbAFC who's been on the other side of it over many experiences. I don't want women to feel the kind of disillusioned attachment and suffering I've been through. That kinda shit is totally lose-lose.
Hopefully now you also further understand why "forbidden patterns" are "forbidden" in the first place... even though you have yet to experience the full extent of the consequences that can stem from them.
The best solution I can come up with would be to [the solution I presented to him is irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make in this blog post, so I'll leave it out.]
Oh, and make your intentions to just have sex with her clear from the start this time. One of the biggest reasons that a PUA must know exactly what he wants is so that he can sincerely communicate those intentions to his potential lovers.
And don't forget to leave her better than you found her. Hopefully you'll choose to steer this boat in a direction that lets her continue on her life a more optimistic, wise, and mature individual rather than a cynical, jaded, and man-hating bitch.
The other night I was at my favorite bar, The Dungeon. There was a new bartender working there. She was pretty cute and had sexy hair that looked wet even though it wasn't.
I was there with HBNoCrawfish (from my latest LR on all the various PUA forums I post in), and I was talking to her about how I've been trying to develop a pickup strategy that involves telling girls that I'm a virgin (it's pretty complicated), but she didn't think people would believe me. I turn to the new bartender behind the bar and ask her, "Would you believe me if I told you I was a virgin?"
"Sure," she responded. "Oh? Why's that?" I asked. "Well, I don't have any reason to not believe you. I don't think you'd have any reason to lie to me."
Here was a bartender girl I had just met that night, and she was prepared to believe anything I told her. She had the default attitude of trusting the world. It was refreshing to meet someone like that, especially since I don't like dealing with bullshit in the first place.
I think that bartender is the type of person who can easily love as though she's never been hurt before. I envy that quality.
Chief, an Asian-American PUA, began his journey of transformation through the teachings of the underground seduction community of pickup artists in 2003. He ran pickup workshops in both New Orleans and Northern California, helped lead a "PUA Lair" in New Orleans, and is a moderator on MPUAForum.com, one of the most popular seduction-related internet forums in existence. His views on seduction and dating have been largely influenced by his experience as a musical performer, American culture, and Zen Buddhism.
