Attraction is BULLSHIT

She and I take taxis to bounce to different bars until we find one that's actually open. It's fucking late. During our taxi adventure and our time at this late-night bar, I run all of my best material... but kino escalation is slow and dragging. I eventually end up sitting with my arm around her at the bar, talking to her with our faces very close. By this time I had already done some NLP, I elicited her values, bullshitted some playful palm reading, wrote and drew all over her hands, anchored her core values to me, demonstrated plenty of value, cold read like it was going out of style, exposed vulnerabilities, elicited her vulnerabilities, push-pulled, etc... but apparently NOTHING WAS FUCKING WORKING. I email-closed and number-closed her, but is that really game? Not at this point.

In our rapport building I learned that she broke up with her ex-boyfriend two months ago and she was still hung up about it. She still had a picture of him and her for her cell-phone wallpaper. Sure, I inspired her to change the picture with my routines that have to do with living in the moment, but I still could not kiss-close. I persisted and did the whole 1-step-back then 2-steps-forward thing, but I still could not kiss-close. Nothing was working. I might as well have been talking to a plant.

This is from a Field Report I wrote in 2008 titled "FR: I might as well have been talking to a plant"

This FR was essentially the spark that started the forest fire; it was the beginning of my realization of something BIG.

I didn't immediately realize it at the time, but after that night the thoughts just sat there growing and growing at the back of my mind. At the time of writing of that FR, I had already spent nearly 5 years studying everything that the mainstream PUA community had to offer: Mystery, Style, Ross Jeffries, David Deangelo, Mehow, Hypnotica, Steve P, Carlos Xuma, Gambler, and many, many more. I can't tell you how, but I got my hands on all of the best material from all those gurus.

When it came to attraction, I knew how to do it all. I could tell custom DHV stories, I could microcalibrate to preserve high value, I could cold read like a pro, I could elicit values, I could anchor positive feelings, I could AMOG, I could be C&F, I could push/pull, I could expose vulnerabilities to establish deeper trust while still preserving value... I had a full deck of cards up my sleeve, figuratively speaking. Figuratively? Fuck, I even learned how to read Tarot cards! Needless to say, I could play the game and I could do it damn well... or so I thought.

It took my dumb ass a long time to notice a pattern from all the experiences I've had with women. Things finally clicked when I shifted my focus from the"attraction = value" school of thought to the "attraction = sexual tension/arousal" school of thought.

What did I realize about all those attraction techniques like DHVing and cold reading that I listed above? Well, I realized that...

NONE OF THAT SHIT MATTERED. THEY HAD LITTLE OR NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REASON WHY THOSE WOMEN HAD SEX WITH ME.

I also realized that the things that actually mattered, or the things that actually had any sort of direct relevance to seduction, were very few in number. None of that shit taught by mainstream pickup about attraction actually mattered - they're just there to distract us from simplicity.

Those mainstream techniques tend NOT to address creating sexual tension. Unfortunately, what PUAs should be focusing on is the very sexual tension that DHVs don't address. We're seduced into believing that these attraction techniques will create this "attraction" thing we can barely define, and in the end that attraction is supposed to generate sexual tension on its own somehow, right? Come on! What the fuck! This sounds more like religion than science to me.

What's even worse is that you had the mainstreams teachers telling you that you needed to have mastered their entire system to be a PUA (they called this "solid game"), and to just ignore the one night stands you get when you didn't run your entire routine stack because they are "fool's mate." Please don't tell me how you can't see how ridiculous that is.

Fortunately for me, I eventually found "gurus" that taught the shit that actually had anything to do with actually getting laid. I've heard them referred to as "the sexual tension guys" by some community members. Unfortunately for the community, though, these sexual tension guys - like Gunwitch and 60 Years of Challenge - are NOT mainstream. In fact, those two names are probably THE most mainstream of the sexual tension guys. Ever heard of Aaron Sleazy? No? Yeah, I know. Hey, it's not your fault that these guys never had their own reality show. Fuck you, VH1.

The good news is that even some of the mainstream guys are starting to wise up. Gambler teaches a lot of sexual tension stuff now, and even the MM and MM-related companies are starting to upgrade their shit thanks to the threat of losing business. Those MM guys will probably never admit that most of their material is bullshit, though, and the bullshit will still always be there in the mainstream to distract you from simplicity.

If you ever find yourself getting nowhere with a girl after running routine after routine, technique after technique, that's when you might start to see what I've seen. There's a reason why I barely ever use the word "attraction" anymore. On the other hand, if you have consistently gotten great results from using that shit, awesome. However, consider the possibility that you're getting laid not because of the attraction techniques, but because you're creating sexual tension someway, somehow. Then, get rid of everything that has nothing to do with creating that sexual tension and start focusing on the shit that directly addresses sexual tension and escalation; you'll get the same fucking results - perhaps even better results - and you'll save a shit ton of time and effort.

That FR I wrote in 2008 was the beginning of my awakening, like starting to wake up under that half-sleep-half-conscious state. The final slap in the face that got me fully alert was probably 60 Years of Challenge. Yeah, I know this damn thing sounds like a fucking advertisement now but I'm not trying to make it like that. Sorry if I did.

-Chief

PS Check out my previous blog post if you're curious about that 60 Years of Challenge guy.

60 Years of Challenge

I've been barking through the grapevine lately about how I think 60 Years of Challenge's stuff is the best I've seen since I've been in the PUA/Seduction Community since 2003. A lot of newbies ask, "Who is the best guru?" I tell them, "60 Years of Challenge." They then ask me, "Who wrote that?" I tell them, "No, dude, that's his name. Yeah, it's weird. Don't ask me why he named himself that because I have no idea."

Back in February of 2010, I wrote a review on Vin DiCarlo's ebook "The Attraction Code" and how I thought it was the best ebook on pickup I've ever read. I would say 60's "Complete Game System" pretty much tops that. It's a whole new level.

60 actually gives something new to the community instead of rehashing old ideas from Mystery and David Deangelo like everybody else. His method can be compared with Gunwitch Method, but to me it feels like an upgraded and simpler version. There are many aspects to the method, but they are all incredibly easy to apply and the entire thing can be summed up in one phrase: less is more.

Check out this awesome article that he wrote for a taste: Anti-Manifesto

The Anti-Manifesto will show you just how easy it is for anyone to control sexual tension.

Of course, I applied 60's method for myself. Check out the Lay Report I wrote: LR: I don't like bad boys

It was one of the, if not the, easiest lay I've ever gotten using anything I've learned from the community.

60's material is definitely a major milestone in the pickup community. It's one of those "must reads" you can't miss. And, to be honest, you really won't need to read anything else. Except my blog, of course. ;)

Check out 60 Years of Challenge by clicking here.

-Chief

An Easy Guide to Clothes Shopping

This is a simple guide for men on how to shop smart when shopping for clothes. The goal of this guide is not seduction; the goal is to buy clothes that look good on you.

The most important prerequisite of this guide is to have an open mind about what you might want to wear. Don't be afraid to try a new look.

The next most important prerequisite is money. The more you are willing to spend, the more clothes you'll be able to buy. The last time I did this, I spent a little less than $100 and bought 2 shirts and a belt. And, needless to say, I was very satisfied with my purchases.

Step 1
Call a female friend who you think dresses well and ask her if she has a good sense of fashion. She will most likely say yes.

Step 2
Use the foot-in-the-door phenomenon (Yes Ladder) and ask her if she wants to go shopping with you to help pick out some new clothes.

Step 3
Pick her up from her place and go to the mall together. Ask her what stores she would recommend checking out. If you've got a budget, be sure to tell her. She'll choose stores accordingly.

Step 4
This is the easiest part of all. You don't really have to do anything at all. Your chick friend will go around picking clothes for you. To a man, this is hard, stressful work. To a woman, however, this is fun.

Step 5
Take as many clothes as you're allowed into the fitting room and try them on one by one. Get opinions from your chick friend.

*Optional - To save time, ask your chick friend to come into the fitting room with you "as long as there's no funny business." Dressing in front of a girl will help you overcome some sexual anxieties you may have. If you don't have any, it's good practice anyway. If you don't bring her into the fitting room with you, you'll have to walk in and out of the room every time you try on something new which is a pain in the ass.

Step 6
Buy the clothes that you and her think are the best ones for you. Then, do something nice for your friend as a thank you such as buying her lunch or dinner.

Step 7
Look better than you did before.

-Chief

The Shameless Casanova

During a conversation with one of my chick friends, she told me something that I found to be very telling about how many women probably feel these days:

"Sigh. Sadly, even when I TRY to have one night stands or sex just for sex, men get hardcore attached and want to claim me as only theirs. It's annoying. What happened to the promiscuous, non-committing man?"

A lot of men nowadays have the impression that they should seek relationships and that their lustful desires for no-strings-attached sex are politically incorrect and would scare women away. Too many men have become ashamed of their real desires, repressing them to the point of self-deluded denial. "I'm only interested in being in a committed relationship. I'm not interested in just having sex. I'm above that." BULLSHIT.

I would strongly argue that many many women would find it absolutely refreshing to be in the presence of a man who is shamelessly honest about his "shallow" desires.

Start paying more attention to what your penis is trying to tell you.

-Chief

Buyer's Remorse is Ridiculous

The very concept of Buyer's Remorse is absolutely absurd.

In the context of sales, a customer gets what's called "Buyer's Remorse" when they regret making a purchase after they've realized that the product they bought falls short of their expectations. In PUA terminology, a woman supposedly gets Buyer's Remorse if they regret sleeping with a guy.

The very fact that a guy actually put the concept of Buyer's Remorse in PUA literature is an admittance of the self-belief that he falls short of women's expectations. A so-called PUA thinks a woman will get Buyer's Remorse after she sleeps with him because he actually sees himself as unworthy of sex, and he is trying to misuse seduction as a way to trick the woman into believing that he is of higher value than he perceives himself to be.

This is the classic case of the so-called PUA trying to validate himself by tricking others into believing something he doesn't actually believe. He thinks that, maybe, eventually, he can feel better about himself if other people see him as higher value than he sees himself.

What a crock of utter bullshit.

The real-deal PUA believes that there would be no such "Buyer's Remorse" because there's nothing to regret after a woman sleeps with him. He knows that sex is a mutual and consensual act, and he absolutely knows what he's doing in bed. He also knows that he is actually quite sexually desirable. Buyer's Remorse just doesn't make any sense at all to him.

What does it take to really believe this? Most guys reading this article will try to wrestle with cognitive dissonance by adding a "No Buyer's Remorse rule" to their list of daily bullshit affirmations that continually deny what they truly feel about themselves. The wiser ones will actually focus on self-efficacy rather than the mainstream western view of self-esteem.

Buyer's Remorse? What the hell is that? Get that crap out of my seduction community.

Car Crash and a Girlfriend

On my way back from work this past Thursday, I crashed my car. I almost fucking died and almost killed my coworker in the passenger's seat. The car flew into a mud field and flipped over twice. Miraculously, neither of us were seriously injured. The seatbelts saved our lives.

So, I no longer have a car. Crazy shit.

That very night, that same coworker became my girlfriend. I've known her for the entire nine months I've been working here and maybe that car crash made me think of things in different ways.

I'll probably be a lot less active in the seduction community during my relationship with her.

Wear your seatbelt,
-Chief

I hate you.

"I hate you."

"You're such a blah blah blah who always does this this and this!"

*Insert more bitching here*

Sound familiar? I bet it does. If you've been romantically involved with enough women, this sort of situation will pop up every now and then.

Let's say you've had sex with a woman more than just a couple times. She is your fuck buddy, a friend with benefits, or maybe even your girlfriend. Regardless of the type of relationship you have with her, there might be some bumps in the road where it seems like she's attacking and/or criticizing you for one reason or another. Sometimes it's a legitimate, logistical concern, but most of the time she's actually telling you that she's hurt or feels neglected.

If it ever seems like she is putting you at fault for something, there is absolutely no need to get defensive. As always, put your ego aside. Shift your focus on her. There is only one thing you need to ask her: "Are you OK?" Show her that you're man enough to take the hits and still be thinking about her instead of being distracted by your own ego.

For a great example of this sort of dynamic, watch the movie "Spread" and look for the scene where the girl is bitching at the main character and throwing shit at him. His response? He pulls her into his arms, hugs and comforts her.

I know I'm totally ripping off of David Deida here, but I JUST went through this exact kind of drama so I figured I should post something about it!

-Chief

Why Feminism Is a Good Thing

If you've been in the PUA community for a while, you've definitely heard some of the complaints about feminism being responsible for the emasculation of entire generations of supposed "men." Most of us have complained about "feminazis" acting inappropriately self-righteous in some way or another. You can probably relate to several situations in which you have felt coerced into feeling guilt or shame simply for being born as a male. A lot of men both within and outside of the seduction community feel some sort of resentment for feminism. How should a pickup-artist think about it?

For the past several months, I've been living in a fairly remote part of South Korea. This country never had any significant feminist movements, and they never had a sexual revolution like we had in America in the 1920's. I've also noticed how much harder it is to seduce women here!*

*Seoul, the capital, is a different story. People living in Seoul tend to be more modernized in their thinking.

My options are severely limited compared to when I lived in the US. When any given population has less sexual experience overall, there are several reasons as to why any given woman from said population would be less open to having a casual sexual encounter. Standard patriarchal traditions have been long-standing in most cultures of the world, and feminism has only challenged so many of them.

These "standard patriarchal traditions" that I speak of are those supposedly tried and true customs of avoiding premarital sex, avoiding situations in which you are alone with someone of the opposite sex, avoiding any expressions of sexuality, and basically anything that has to do with a woman being sexual. America predominantly used to be this way, too, before the Sexual Revolution. In order to have sex with someone, you must have been married to that person. These old traditions are patriarchal because they were designed in a way to imply ownership on women. Marrying a woman = ownership over her vagina. Fucking someone's wife = a crime akin to thievery. The woman was something to be owned like a car or a trophy.

Feminism arose as a response to this. Feminists emphasized that women are human beings, rather than objects. This is true. Sure, some feminists went overboard by developing habits of degrading men in order to feel better about themselves, but the core principles behind feminism often involve SEXUAL EMPOWERMENT.

Men, you may initially think that empowering women sexually means that there is less of that power and choice for you, but don't be fooled by such egotistical delusions. If a woman is "sexually empowered," she feels more free to exercise her sexual nature rather than feeling constrained by the rigid rules of patriarchal society. This means she feels free to have premarital sex, casual sex, bisexual sex, kinky sex, sexy sex, and even regular sex. Imagine an entire society of women willing to have sex with other people (including you!), and actually acting on these desires. This is any society blessed with feminism. Thank you, white people.

Feminism makes pickup and seduction a hell of a lot easier. I am a feminist.