Welcome to my mind

I created this blog so I can have a place to vomit all my random thoughts in relation to how the pickup artistry is affecting my life.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Frustrated with pickup?

If you're anything like me, you've tried so many pickup and seduction methods that it all feels like hard work. It also feels like you're putting in a ton of effort while getting a lot less progress and results than you expected. It's really quite frustrating at times.

If you've read my review on 60 Years of Challenge, then you already have pretty decent idea of how his method makes pickup practically effortless. I'm endorsing 60YOC because I really do believe that his work is a milestone in the pickup community and even renders a lot of the mainstream methods obsolete. Click here to check out his stuff if you haven't already. This material makes pickup EASY.

In other news, I'll soon be releasing an audio program of my very own. For those of you who like my fun and straightforward style of game, this will be a very exciting thing to look forward to! I plan on making it as comprehensive as possible to deliver a whole bootcamp within a home study course. Like I said about my previous workshops that I've held in the US, YOU WILL BE LIVING AND BREATHING GAME. Watch this space.

For now, I think you'll be very happy with what 60 Years of Challenge has to offer. Check him out!

-Chief

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Ask Chief: Being Called a Player

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about being called a "player" by girls. "Chris2k10" asks:
Are you supposed to avoid coming off as a player? What messes me up the most is the player vibe even though the girl knows she's really attracted to me. My current and only solution for this is, "If you say so" with a humble smile on. What's your insight on this, should I handle it differently or what?
Different styles work better for some people than others. Has your "If you say so" + humble smile response ever gotten in the way of a lay? I like the sound of it.

You also have to keep in mind that every girl is different, too. Some are more open to the idea of playing with a player but others have repeatedly gotten hurt from playing with other players in the past. One of the things I say is "I don't play people," and I'm congruent with that since my style tends to be more straightforward.

When you're a little deeper into mid-game, though, exposing vulnerabilities should render all of those "player" accusations as irrelevant anyway.

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Korean Inhibitions

As some of you may already know, I've recently been hired into the Korea branch of PUA Training by the Korea-famous PUA Alexikakos, who shall later be translating this article into Korean for the Korean bootcamp students. Although I'm there to help out on the bootcamps taught in English for the foreign students, I've had the opportunity to observe and work with some Korean students as well.

I've never been officially employed by any real pickup company before this, but I still have plenty of experience teaching and coaching countless guys in America become successful with women. Guys who need to learn pickup from all cultures all have essentially the same types of problems; everyone needs more confidence, everyone needs to learn how to be less sexually judgmental, everyone needs to work on body language, everyone needs a better abundance mentality and internal locus of control, etc. The main difference between different cultures, though, is that the average guy from one culture may need to work more in one area than an average guy from another culture.

An important factor to look at when comparing Korea to western cultures such as that of America is the fact that Korea leans more toward collectivism. Koreans value social harmony and they don't really like standing out from the crowd, at least compared to Americans. As a result, Korean guys tend to be less outspoken and more shy.

The problem of being shy for a Korean man isn't as simple as him just feeling disinclined to approach women. That's just one of many symptoms of a deeper issue. As I was trying to train one of the Korean students in field during a bootcamp, I started off by trying to get him out of his comfort zone by playing a game with him. I went out with him to the middle of the dancefloor where everyone could see us. I then told him to copy exactly what I did. I proceeded to do some silly things such as jumping around like an idiot. If you're already familiar with pickup, you would know that this sort of exercise would help you get out of shell and thus perform better in field.

This student, however, was what you might call "stifled." He was supposed to copy exactly what I did, but if I jumped two feet into the air, he would only jump up a few inches. He was far too worried about what other people might think of him. Now, I know what you might be thinking. EVERYONE who's trying to learn pickup has this problem. They are self-conscious and inside their own heads way too much. While that may be true, it's certainly more pronounced in Korean men. The fear of going against social convention here can be greater than the fear of being raped by a big black guy. If being gay were the hip new trend in Korea, all the men here would try to become gay. We can already observe this trend in Korea as many Korean men carry purses and wear makeup. Look at the male Korean pop groups and tell me that they don't look like little girls.


Straight Korean men would rather look like these gay dandy boys than go against social convention. I think that proves how powerful the collectivist influence can be in this country.

Getting back to the point, it's not just that these guys are shy. It's a lot more than that. Korean men - and this is probably true for most Asian men as well - mostly grew up in a way that restricts self-expression. The pickup arts, like any other art, is all about self-expression. No matter which way you slice it, you need to know how to express yourself confidently and unapologetically in order to do pickup right. It's going to be very difficult for a girl to like and trust anyone who always seems like he's trying to hide something, and that's exactly what these men are doing. They are trying to hide themselves.

If I'm describing you in the above paragraphs I've written, then you need to take some action to free yourself from fear and to peel away the socially imposed layers of shame that hinder your self-expression.

This issue is a matter of both inner and outer game, but like all things in pickup it's mostly about habits. You can waste your days away with affirmations and other mental masturbation exercises like that if you want, but if you want to make some real changes then you need to start changing your behavioral habits.

The issue of being stifled and limiting your self-expression isn't one simple behavioral habit, however. It's something that's manifested in basically everything that you do. It's an attitude that doesn't fear embarrassment, values the fundamental concept of expression of self (rather than trying to make an impression of someone else), and is far more concerned with what you think of others than with what others might be thinking of you.

Next time you go out, I want you to be thinking about whether or not your actions are a full expression of yourself of if you're holding yourself back just because you don't want to stand out from the crowd. If you catch yourself making the mistake of inhibiting your self-expression, then do whatever it takes to express what you really wanted to express! Make it a habit of acting more on your impulses and that will eventually translate into a more effective pickup.

-Chief

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Ask Chief: Sexual Framing

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. I'd like to start sharing these questions and answers with you here! Here's a question about sexual framing. "Jimbob30" asks:
So basically, I open direct. Day game BTW. Something along the lines of "Hey how you doin. Wow, you have some beautiful eyes! They're not contacts are they?"
What do I say after that to frame the convo sexually? I know I can throw in the Strawberry fields & misinterpretation further into the convo, but what do I say before then?

The creative possibilities are endless.

When I was trying to get used to sexual framing back in the day, someone gave me some valuable advice: put your mind in the gutter.

I don't know where you're from but "Get your mind out of the gutter" is a common American saying that means "stop thinking like a sexual animal."

If you start trying to think of everything in a perverted way, you'll eventually get very skilled at putting a sexual spin on everything that cums your way, which is essentially sexual framing.

Like most guys, you're probably not used to doing this. Society conditions us to associate shame with our sexual thoughts. As a result, most guys suppress these thoughts; no one wants to be the bad guy! The way I see it, though, shame is the bigger sin here.

So, what words should you say? Once you get used to thinking sexually, you'll master sexual framing. Memorizing lines is not the answer. It misses the point of the art entirely. Penis.

Friday, August 26, 2011

A New Direction

I've come to realize something about myself.

I am not a sex addict. Not even close.

I've taken the past few days to take a break from girls and dating and pickup in order to give myself a chance to do some self-reflection.

In all my years of doing this whole pickup artist thing, there have certainly been times where I used girls for sex just to feel good, and they've used me the same ways and for the same reasons, too. I don't like that shit; I guess I never have liked that. The Buddha teaches to not use people, and for good reason. Humans should be treated like humans.

There have also been times where girls and I felt a genuine connection, and we used sex as an expression of what we felt for each other. This is good. I like that shit. I didn't even get into pickup just for sex. Hell, I was just 14 years old at the time. All I wanted was an escape from loneliness.

There's a lesson I've learned more than once: I enjoy sex a lot more if I wait a little while, and I enjoy it less if we have sex quickly and without a real connection. I now know why this is the case.

I'm freeing myself from the dehumanization of counting lays and viewing women as a means to achieve pleasure. Instead, I'll do what Zan Perrion does. Out of any pickup guru the Seduction Community has to offer, he is the one that you can truly call a "lover," at least from what I've learned from him.

Women are beautiful and absolutely wonderful; I really appreciate everything they offer in my life and I am not going to let myself treat them as anything less than human. So, I will no longer seduce them just for the sake of the seduction. I won't go for a lay for the sake of the lay. I'll just seduce them if I really like them.

I guess that means I'm at where I wanted to be all along with all this pickup stuff. Awesome.

-Chief

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

I'm Single Again!

I just got out of the best relationship ever. It lasted a year and she was an amazing girlfriend, though I wasn't exactly the best boyfriend. Our relationship ran its course, as all things do, and I will always remember it as a great experience with treasured memories.

So... I'm back in the game, guys and girls. Watch out, because I did NOT get rusty. ;)

Monday, January 31, 2011

Managing Expectations for FWB Relationship

Managing Expectations: The process of making sure that the girl you are seducing doesn't expect more than you're willing to offer. For example, making sure that a girl doesn't expect marriage when all you're looking for is a one night stand.

FWB: Friend With Benefits.

The first layer of my process of managing expectations is something I've already posted in my Outer Game thread here: http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/chiefs-guide-to-outer-game-vt75887.html

" As a practitioner of the pickup arts you have an obligation to try your best to adhere to the rule of "Leave her better than you found her." Different people have different interpretations of this phrase, but regardless of how you see it, you need to manage expectations properly in order stay consistent with that rule.

Another big reason to manage expectations properly is to quickly cut through bullshit that wastes your time and to prevent drama. So it's really better for everyone. Don't be afraid of losing a girl if she's strictly looking for a relationship while you're just looking to get laid with no strings attached. There are plenty of beautiful women who will fuck just for a good fuck, and they won't try to attach all those strings to you if you don't want them.

So, how do we manage expectations properly? It's simple, really:

Tell her what you're looking for, or tell her what you're not looking for.

For example, if you're not looking for a relationship, one "I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to have fun for now!" will suffice. If you actually are in this for a girlfriend, one "I'm looking to meet the right girl" will do just fine. Squeeze one of those types of lines into your conversation somewhere that's contextually relevant.

Sure, if you happen to have a random drunk hookup with a girl from the bar or club, most of the time it will be understood by both parties that it was just a drunk hookup and nothing more. Still, though, always manage expectations as a rule of thumb. Make your intentions clear as soon as you feel that spark of electric sexual tension in the air between you and her.

Being honest will never compromise your seduction as long as you remain consistently honest. Besides, this model of seduction isn't based on "value" like some other methods, so you have no reason to be dishonest in the first place when you're using this stuff.

Oh, and if you're still unsure about what you're looking for (girlfriend, fuck buddies, friends with benefits, one night stands, multiple wives, dominatrix mistress, etc.), figure it out first. How are you supposed to be upfront with your intentions if you don't know what the hell your intentions are in the first place? Don't be a blind guy flailing around in the dark. Man up and shoot straight. "

...but that's not the end of it. There are more layers to it, and it involves some heavy frame control. I didn't post this process in full detail in my Outer Game thread because this is specifically tailored to establish a "friends with benefits" relationship while my Outer Game thread is for general purposes. So, if you want FWBs, read on.

First off, what's the difference between a Friend With Benefits and a Fuck Buddy? There's a fine line between FWB and FB, but in my opinion they are different. A Fuck Buddy type of relationship is primarily built on no-strings-attached sex with little or no regard to building a genuine human-to-human connection, but a FWB is someone you actually care about as a friend. You see her as a friend first and a sex partner second. You share a limited amount of emotional connection and intimacy as any two good friends would. If you stop having sex (benefits) with her, you're still friends. Sound good? Having both your need for affection and your need for sex fulfilled without commitment is pretty excellent. Sure, it's not as deep and meaningful as an exclusive LTR but you get the chance to fill your life with female friends who fuck you. More abundance leads to a better position in life and a greater immunity to oneitis. So, without further ado, the following is my multi-layered method of managing expectations to make a wonderful FWB relationship with the girls you seduce.

Layer 1: Verbal statement

See above quote.

Layer 2: Establishing the roles

While the first layer of my expectations management involved an explicit verbal statement at the first sign of some strong sexual tension, the second layer is all about the roles you play and frame control after you have sex. The frame you establish will assign the roles that the two of you will play within the interaction(s) you share.

If you establish a frame of exclusive lovers, the two of you will play the boyfriend/girlfriend roles. In plain English, if you behave like a boyfriend, she's going to start seeing you as a boyfriend. If you treat her like your girlfriend, she's going to start seeing herself as your girlfriend. This is, unfortunately for you, a pretty standard frame that you're going to fall into if you don't do something about it. Being affectionate like an exclusive lover comes pretty naturally, and that might send her the wrong message.

You're going to operate from a drastically different frame and play different roles here. Using frame control, you're essentially going to put a cap on how much "attraction" she feels for you so that things don't go in the LTR direction. How would we pull that off? It's quite simple, really. Trigger her maternity instincts.

A competent man makes the perfect husband. You don't want an LTR, so don't play the role of a competent man. Triggering her maternity instincts is as simple as controlling the frame by playing the role of an incompetent boy. Let her take care of you by getting her to help you with menial shit like laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, money matters, and other daily chores. Have her take care of you if you get sick and show her how weak and pathetic you can be. Rely on her like a mommy. Do you have a good friend that you ask for advice and help on simple matters like this? Treat her like that friend.

No girl wants to be in a relationship with a guy who can't even take care of himself, but they love taking care of kids. Triggering her maternity instincts kills any chances for romantic love to blossom. Romantic love bad. Friends who care about each other good.

On top of establishing a frame that triggers her maternity instincts, you'll want to keep a safe emotional distance from her so that things don't get too intimate. Don't get too personal about discussing your/her feelings and shit. Keep the friendship as casual and cool as possible without devolving it to "acquaintances." Cuddling is fine, but don't overdo it. Be nice to her; don't forget that she's your friend.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

Layer 3: Solidifying the frame

This layer goes back to the mid-game, but also plays into the post-game like the previous layer. You will want to reinforce the we-are-friends-who-just-happen-to-have-sex-from-time-to-time-with-no-strings-attached frame with implicit verbal expressions.

At some point in your mid-game, you may find an opportunity or two to express your views on relationships and etc. If you don't find one, make one. When my friend taught me how to play pool, he told me "there's always a shot," meaning that there is always a way to sink one of your balls into a pocket on any given turn. This is true for shit in pickup as well. There is always an opportunity for talking about sex and relationships, escalation, kino, framing, or even the right neg if need be. Seduction is a blank canvas and you are the painter.

When expressing your views, be sure to mention the right views that will further manage her expectations. I might say something like, "Yeah, I think everyone in the world just needs to have way more sex with more people without worrying so much about exclusive relationships all the time." That, of course, is an extreme example, though. Calibrate according to your situation.

"Don't you hate it when a guy you only met recently becomes so attached and obsessed with you just because you fucked him or even just gave him a smile? It's like he desperately wants to be your boyfriend. I don't do relationships because that kinda shit just creeps me out." You get the idea. Use your imagination.

After sex, I like to give hints that she should have an active sex life outside of our own fun encounters. I do this because: 1. Actually having sex with people other than me will dramatically decrease her chances of wanting to be exclusive with me and 2. It reinforces the message that you don't want to be exclusive with her. "So, you meet any cute guys when you went out last night?" I might ask something like this in a way a curious gossipy friend might ask.

Where to go from here

All in all, a FWB situation is pretty baller. Of course, as a rule of thumb you should aim to have more than just one FWB in your rotation. Furthermore, it's easy to ease out of a good FWB relationship back into a "just friends" sort of situation if you don't want to fuck her anymore. All you have to do is play up Layer 2, not have sex with her, and still be there for her as a friend. The FWB status is also good because you can easily get into an exclusive relationship with one of your girls if you find yourself falling for her or whatnot. All you have to do is frame control to switch roles from incompetent boy to romantic lover. And, you'll know your feelings for her are genuine and not based on oneitis because you have other girls in your rotation. This shit is so full of win it's not even funny.

As a final piece of awesomeness, I shall leave you with this: http://smokingkillsme.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/34j3rzm.jpg

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Comfort Manipulation (Online, Text, and Phone Game)

Think you got the perfect text game? Phone game? ONLINE GAME?

Think again.

Every interaction you have with a woman is going to further establish a comfort zone for both you and her - especially her - within the frame of the interaction you make. The more you interact with her through a certain medium of communication, the more she'll be accustomed to interacting with you through that very medium. On top of that, she's going to feel less inclined to interact with you in any other way.

Now, what does this mean in plain English? It means if you keep talking to her through the internet, text, or phone call, she will NOT want to meet you face to face. The more you do it, the less she'll want to meet you.

I know you're scared. We're all scared of something. I know that you're scared of actually putting yourself out there and risking some real face to face rejection. If you get ignored online, you can take it and it's no big deal. Well, you're being a fucking pussy and you won't get anywhere with that kind of scared attitude. You signed up to play this game and you should have known that this shit was for big boys. SBAP

Since the name of the game is seduction, interacting with women face to face is ideal because you can't fuck an online username or a phone number. You don't want to go and make her too comfortable with talking to you through just text. Manipulating this "text comfort" to your advantage is quite simple. All you have to do is limit the text-based communication between you and her as much as possible. Use it only for logistical purposes like arranging a face to face meetup. Don't bother trying to create attraction or whatnot through a text or phone call because there's actually more opportunities to fuck things up when the interaction isn't face to face. She can take a "hello" over text message in a million different ways and you aren't there to control the frame with body language, facial expressions, state transfer, etc. All other variables excluded, the chance that she'll read your message in a bad way is just as high as the chance she'll read it in the way you want her to.

You want her to feel the most comfortable interacting with you face to face. Open up and let her feel good when you're face to face and make texts and online chats feel somewhat like a freeze-out. Phone calls are a gray area since voice tone comes into play, but play it safe and play the game when you can actually see and touch each other.