Welcome to my mind

I created this blog so I can have a place to vomit all my random thoughts in relation to how the pickup artistry is affecting my life.

Sunday, December 16, 2012


I moved my blog!


That's the new site! Be sure to bookmark it. ;)

New updates will be posted there and this is the last post you will ever read on this page. See you there!


Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Half-Year Relationship Update

It's been nearly 6 months since I started dating this girl. I have learned a lot so far seeing as this has been the most serious exclusive relationship I've ever been in. I think it has a lot to do with the fact with me learning beforehand that 1. you only grow if you do something you're uncomfortable doing/afraid to do and 2. it's foolish to close your heart and to stop yourself from fully loving someone.

I learned the first point about getting out of your comfort zone from the PUA community. It's been drilled in my head by every guru and that philosophy propelled me forward to make progress in several if not all areas of my life. Most of all it has helped me develop my character and soul to be worthy of respect. I decided to jump into this exclusive relationship so deeply because, as a PUA, I've had a fear of committing myself to just one woman, to love her with all my heart and to put all my investments into one stock. When I was an AFC, this sort of all-or-nothing mentality hurt me many times over and over again, but I knew things would be different in some way(s) if I took that same path that I learned to fear, knowing what I know now.

Well, it turns out I was right (so far). I definitely grew and learned a lot already, and I know more is to come. It's definitely useful to learn how to "diversify your portfolio" and use pickup skills to fill your life with many women, but to learn the lessons of the next phase - to give a relationship with someone you love everything you've got - is equally useful for personal development and fulfillment.

This relationship has given me the opportunity to dig up and face some inner demons of mine that I've conveniently tucked away while being a PUA. There's only so many issues you can address and fix if you're playing around with multiple partners while avoiding serious relationships. The pursuit of INNER GAME, or as others might call enlightenment, self-actualization, fulfillment, whatever, can only be realized if you experience the balance of both the player lifestyle and then the serious exclusive lover role.

The most recent lesson I've realized is this...

Having a woman in your life might feel tough sometimes, but it just feels tough because she's making sure you stay true to who you are, that you don't lose your drive to chase what you really want. You're not yourself if you're being lazy, and you deserve better than not moving forward in life.

You don't get that if you have many women in your life who are far less emotionally intimate with you.

More to come later...


Friday, August 17, 2012

Lessons from a happy relationship

I've been fairly inactive in the pickup community these past few months because I've been involved in a relationship that evolved into a serious, exclusive relationship full of passion and commitment from what started off as just a simple open relationship. This has been, so far, the most serious LTR I've ever been in, and I'm learning a lot of things that I never learned as a pickup artist who had more temporary relations with multiple women.

As I learned and practiced pickup artistry over the course of nearly a decade, I have eventually discovered that most of what works best in seduction can be boiled down to a number of key concepts. These concepts include, but are not limited to: honesty, sincerity, a true lack of insecurity (aka confidence developed from seriously resolving your internal issues instead of just "faking it til you make it"), and clear communication. I feel as if these good lessons I learned as a seducer prepared me for this LTR because, as fate would have it, all of those qualities I have listed above seem to make up the core foundation of a healthy, loving relationship.

I see a lot of guys struggling in their relationships with their girlfriends because they lack one or more of those qualities in either themselves or within their relationship(s). I see questions posted like "What if your girlfriend notices that there is something wrong with you?" and I really don't understand why they can't just have a frank discussion about whatever concerns come up between the two of them. I see other guys giving advice like "If your girlfriend did ___, then you should flirt with other women to make her jealous," and I really don't understand why they're playing those power games when relationships shouldn't be about power. I understand that women get equally shitty advice from their girly magazines and unenlightened girl friends, but the overall lack of honesty and open communication in so many relationships I see is astounding. And horrifying. Honestly, I would expect more from a group of men who studied pickup. I would expect them to have overcome many of their insecurities, but they are still letting their insecurities guide their thoughts and decisions.

I learned from Buddhism that relationships should be about "we," like a coming together of two minds into one, rather than about "I" or "me" and "he/she" or "him/her."

To strive toward the goal of "we," I began my current relationship with a very simple idea, and that idea was to have complete open and honest communication with my girlfriend. Initially, it was a bit of a struggle to get to that point as we both had some insecurities to work out in order to feel comfortable with the idea of telling each other everything. Fortunately, though, neither of us had any serious fucked up issues that prevented us from eventually getting to that point. Most people don't.

What bloomed from the seed of that simple idea turned out to become the backbone of an inevitably strong relationship. It's rather obvious, really. The clearer and more frequent the communication between two people, the more "right" everything in their relationship becomes. Some people fear that revealing all of the cards in your hand will result in some sort of loss like in a poker game. However, a healthy relationship shouldn't be a game of boyfriend versus girlfriend, right? I say that better communication leads to a more "right" relationship because, first of all, it would naturally aid in conflict resolution and, second of all, it would bring to light the potential conflicts that will otherwise become a slowly damaging poison to the relationship if left as the ignored elephant in the room. Open and honest communication will bring to light those conflicts both solvable and potentially unsolvable, giving both partners a better point of assessment on which to base their individual and collective decisions.

Most of the problems that I've seen in unhappy relationships seem to stem from a lack of communication, whether it's a failure of communicating and managing expectations or an insecurity creating a fear of communicating something. This is why I believe that good communication is the most important aspect of a relationship, as it has so far proven to me to be almost a magic bullet that can shoot down practically any obstacle that stands between you and your partner, provided that both you and your partner are mature enough to know how to really listen to one another.

With all of that said, why do some people "stonewall" their partners by closing the doors of communication whenever problems arise? The truth is, a lot of people don't recognize that having the short term comfort of avoiding conflict is not worth the price of the long term damage it can do. Some people are too insecure to reveal their true selves and their true desires. Some people haven't developed the necessary listening skills to know how to use communication in a highly beneficial way. And then there are some people who don't know how to feel inspired enough to break through their own stubborn comfort zones for the sake of having healthy relationships with their loved ones. Whatever the case is, in the end none of us should make excuses. The benefits of having great communication with your partner are too great to not take advantage of.

My girlfriend and I see pretty eye-to-eye and we now tend to "stay on the same page" with each other, but she also thinks that this is a matter of luck, and in a way she's right. If you don't meet someone with a communication style that matches yours, an attempt at having completely open and honest communication could end up in a series of never-ending fights. However, having great communication also entails great listening skills, patience, and putting your ego aside. These are all skills that can be developed, and so I believe it doesn't have to be a matter of luck, at least not as much as most people would imagine.

Having such a great relationship so far has given me a lot of perspective on what's really important, and I'm nothing but excited to learn more. It has given me the chance to be very optimistic about my girlfriend and I enriching each other's lives, and to continue enriching each other's lives for a potentially long time to come. For all of you reading this, may you have happy relationships with great communication, and I hope you all reap the same benefits I have had so far.


Saturday, June 2, 2012

Ask Chief: Conversational Transitions

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about transitioning from one conversational topic to the next. Specifically, the question is about my style of how to make good conversation with women, which is all about knowing what you seek in women and finding out everything you can about the personality of the woman you're talking to in order to see if she's right for you. "Riter" asks:
How would you transition the conversation? For example, if I want to know if she is outgoing and then later in the conversation I would like to know if she is kind? Basically, transitioning is where I am concerned because sometimes I stay on one topic and I perceive it as dragged out.
There is no one right answer to this question. Different PUAs have different conversational styles, and they would all sound different even if they were all to use my basic conversational framework.

For example, Juggler tells people that "the best transition is no transition." In the context of routines, he tells people to not worry about transitioning from routine to routine and just go onto the next one even if it seems abrupt. You can pull this off by jumping from one conversational topic to the next even if it doesn't feel "smooth" as long as you make that your style.

On the other hand, you've got teachers like Mystery telling people about multi-threading - to start talking about one thing, cutting it off in the middle, starting a new topic, cutting it off in the middle, starting a new topic, and so on and so forth. It might be difficult for a man to maintain his sanity with this conversational style, but it is the language of women.

What I like to do is to continue diving deeper and deeper. I might ask a woman one simple, shallow question like where her hometown is or what her dream was when she was a kid, then I'd continue talking about her while steering the conversation in a very emotional direction. Along the way of finding out deeper things about her on the same topic of her childhood dream job, I will likely find out other things about her, ask her things only somewhat related to the main topic but more related to something else, etc. If I were to visually represent how this system of conversational transitions looks, it would probably look like a tree with a shit ton of long branches and heavy roots. It's almost like you're leading her into telling a very interesting story, and you're showing her how to tell a story in an interesting way. It might help to look up some resources on effective story-telling. This way should make the two of you feel like things are not being dragged out. You're talking about the same topic but you're not talking about the same topic at the same time.

If you're trying to use my style, you'll know that you're doing it right when she's telling you her most intimate secrets.

My open relationship

Among all the girls I've been seeing, there's one who seemed to be more special to me than the rest in a way that made me feel more romantically connected to her. Earlier this week, I started an open relationship with her.

You all know the rules of that game. In an open relationship, both people are free to see other people when the boyfriend or girlfriend is not around. Sounds pretty awesome, right?

I'm not sure if I want to take advantage of this blessed situation I'm in by continuing to see and bone a bunch of other girls. Since I've actually got the freedom to see other girls while I'm dating this one, I don't feel any pressure of being "tied down" or whatnot. So far I haven't felt any inclination toward fucking other girls. Maybe I just have a problem with feeling not free, and I've found a special girl who lets me feel free.

It still feels rather strange to say "my girlfriend" since I'm so used to just playing around and living the awesome single life, but I'm sure it will start feeling alright eventually, right?


Sunday, May 20, 2012

A Whole New World!

Sometimes, this song plays in my head whenever a Korean girl who has lived within the constraints of conservative Confucianism her whole life is touched by the seductive magic of my comparatively uninhibited and wild ways of living. I feel like Aladdin taking a trapped princess on a magic carpet ride of fun that no traditional Korean man can ever take her on. This song is so hilariously fitting that I think I'll just learn how to sing this song and belt it out loud whenever I meet a girl who's never been outside of this country before... if I can find a magic carpet or something functionally similar.

The proudest achievement of any sort of artist would be showing someone their world in an aesthetic manner that inspires. A pickup artist, of course, is no exception to this nature of artistry. Every seduction is a work of art that should aim to inspire in some way; that is what separates the pickup artist from the frustrated playboy who desperately seeks happiness and meaning between the legs of countless women who cannot fill the hole left in his heart by some childhood rejection. The artist seeks to give while the player seeks to take.

You have to understand that women all around the world - not just those living in more conservative cultures - live under unjust constraints to restrict them from expressing themselves sexually and fully. This is even truer in places like Korea where even college-age women are expected to return home to mommy and daddy by dinnertime lest they face harsh scoldings. Even so, we shouldn't lose sight of the double standards like the Madonna/whore complex that exist nearly everywhere. Being a woman anywhere can't be all that different from being Princess Jasmine, locked away in her castle every day, shielded from all the influences of the big bad world out there.

I've met some women in Korea who seemed to genuinely prefer their safe prison of conservative culture. That is to say, I've still never met any woman who wasn't a religious fanatic who genuinely wanted to save her virginity for marriage, but there are still those who comfortably allow their fear of social judgment to dictate their sex lives in some way or another. A lot of women, however, carry a deep and natural resentment for the oppressive forces that society has given them from birth. These are the women who really rightly want a magic penis-I-mean-CARPET ride. They are sick and tired of never having been truly free to live "dangerously." Sometimes, they feel sick and tired of SOMETHING but they don't even realize what it is they are sick and tired of.

Seduction is a magic carpet ride because you're giving the woman a chance to see this whole new world of freedom that you, as a man, has had the privilege of living in your whole life. Because you were born with a penis, no one's going to resentfully call you a slut just because people found out that you had sex with a random person. No one's going to resentfully call you a cold-hearted ice queen when people notice that you DON'T have sex. You've got the freedom to do whatever the hell you want sexually without ever having a taste of the frigid judgment from society that women get for even having the "wrong" thoughts.

Notice how Aladdin enticed her into getting on the magic carpet with just a few, simple words that didn't really promise too much and seemed to have very little consequence. Notice how Aladdin and Jasmine are sharing this magical experience together with no other audience to see them. The gradual escalation of seduction, discretion, and ultimately inspiration is what makes this song seem so much like me, an American PUA, seducing a Korean woman, or any woman for that matter.

Seduction is an opportunity for a woman to have some private space to just be herself. It's a chance she rarely ever gets, especially if she comes from a more conservative background. In order for a woman to be able to feel this way with you, you need to be expressively nonjudgmental, unquestionably discreet, and naturally sexual. Only then will you be able to show her this whole new world. lol


Saturday, April 14, 2012

Ask Chief: Cultural Stereotypes

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about seduction in different countries. "Little Panda" asks:
Should you adapt to a culture you're just being introduced to, according to the stereotypical way women's mentality works? So for example, somebody visiting Korea might have heard that women are usually sexually repressed and therefore can't handle the kind of game the person in question is playing. 
Is it now better for the person to attempt changing his game, just so he can adapt to this 'culture' which is just a stereotype - or should stereotypes like as such not be taken too much in consideration? 
Because every time I talk to my friends about visiting a certain country, they all seem to have an already established image/stereotype of the women there. 
"Oh dude, you should totally not go there. Women are so much harder to game in country X than they are in country Y . . ." - Which generally annoys me because it all sounds like bullshit and I don't believe you should adapt your game to a whole culture based on rumors/stereotypes, but rather the specific woman you're gaming. 
When I first came to Korea, I ignored cultural differences and just thought "game is game no matter where you go." While that's true to an extent, ignoring cultural differences is foolish.

I only got so far by trying to push forward with what I've always done. Korean girls already expected that I would be different from the Korean guys since I'm a foreigner, so I got a lot of leeway for my "unusual" behavior, but I was still hitting some roadblocks. For example, I think that using the same indirect game I used in America resulted in a ton of more pointless lost time and effort, so I adapted by being more direct.

If you want the best results, you have to adapt to your circumstances. With that said, however, I'd say that your friends are wrong to say that women are "harder" to game in a certain country compared to another country - the game is just different in some ways.

The thing that frustrates me the most about women in Korea is that they're generally less sexually experienced and also generally more sexually conservative. That makes it more inconvenient for me when I'm trying to use some sexual framing and whatnot, but it still works as long as I approach it from a different angle. Sometimes, I still revert back to my default sexualization game here out of laziness and I feel like it's "harder" to game in Korea, but that's not necessarily true.

Even the cultural difference of Korean women being generally less sexually experienced than American women can be a non-issue if you change up your game a little bit, and in some ways it can make seduction even easier (yet still more difficult if I just did what I usually did in America). For example, if I play up the frame that I'm safely "guiding" her and showing her this whole new world of perverse freedom within a nonjudgmental bubble, it works better than if I'd try it on a more experienced American girl. In America, more often than not I treated women like sexual equals who can keep up with me in bed. That frame isn't as relevant with the women I've met here in Korea, though.

It's not so much the stereotypes you should concern yourself with, but the real cultural differences that PUAs in that country will tell you about. The average stereotype you hear around may be true or false when it comes down to it. Knowing which ones are true and which ones are false will also be very useful. Also keep in mind that actually believing in the wrong stereotypes will greatly hinder you like a limiting belief. You do, however, need to at least be aware of how the culture affects social scripts.