Fat Chicks and Beta Males

Imagine a fat chick going on a healthy diet and exercising regularly as she loses weight to become more attractive to the opposite sex. Everyone she knows compliments her all the time for her valiant effort. Once she actually gets hot, she gets way more attention from men and people shower her with more attention and praise.

Now imagine a beta male AFC learning self improvement and pickup as he gains confidence to become more attractive to the opposite sex. Everyone he tells his commitment to change to looks down on him for following some "bullshit" advice and for being "creepy." Once he actually garners some success through this discipline, suddenly he's negatively marked as "one of those pickup guys."

A girl becoming more attractive by losing weight is directly analogous to a guy becoming more attractive by learning pickup, so why is there such a discrepancy on how people judge these two methods of self improvement?

It's becoming more clear that there are two very different methodologies in learning pickup nowadays. The first, and arguably "wrong" way to do it is to learn a bag of tricks for the purpose of hiding your true ugly self in an attempt to deceive a woman into believing that you're better than you actually are. The second, and arguably "right" way to do it is to work through a strenuous process of facing your inner demons and actually changing who you are on the inside so that you genuinely become a "sexworthy" man, and then learn how to present yourself in the most sincere way possible to most effectively communicate your real attractiveness.

You cannot compare the first methodology of learning pickup to a fat chick losing weight through a disciplined program of diet and exercise. Instead it's more like the fat chick who takes pictures of herself from deceptive overhead angles to produce photos that make her appear more attractive than she actually is, and then posting those pictures on her myspace or facebook. It's a TRICK that infuriates men who actually buy into the misrepresentation and actually agree to meet up with the girl, only to discover that he's been fantasizing about a whale.

A woman who commits to a strenuous process of change deserves the respect she gets, as does the man who grows a pair and faces his inner demons to mature himself for real. Any action that involves hiding who you really are is certainly not respectable and in some cases actually disgusting. Unfortunately, the mainstream view of the pickup community is related to the deceptive methods of hiding, but those of us who have nothing to hide won't have to worry about those negative judgments.

So, to all you PUAs who still use Mystery's canned material: You are scared about the public knowing about our community because you're still hiding. Step up to the next level and change yourself instead of just manipulating your behavior. The only way you'll actually change is to man up and do what you're afraid of doing. These things include:

>Facing your inner demons.
>Daring to love yourself and all persons.
>Really identifying who you are right now without letting your ego define you.
>Actually approaching women in spite of your approach anxiety.
>Taking full responsibility for your own life and actions.
>Turning the other cheek, metaphorically speaking.
>Taming your ego (Tolle's ego, not Freud's).

That's just a small starter list. If you've got any other ideas to contribute, please comment below.

Some good stuff!

This past Friday and Saturday was my first workshop right here in New Orleans! It sure was a blast and the people seemed to have learned a lot. I guess I better start advertising very soon for the NorCal workshop that's coming up on January 2nd and 3rd.

I wasn't able to take the boys out in-field on the second day after the Outer Game presentation because I had to attend my Fraternity's Christmas party with my hot hot date. Fortunately my friend and fellow lair leader, Stormy, was able to take them out for sarging. I wonder how it went?

I swear I had the hottest date at the party and made people jealous. >:D
Fun times.

Along with being a site administrator for pick-up-artist-forum.com (now known as mpuaforum.com), I became a super moderator for Vin DiCarlo's forum at vindicarlo.com/forums so check it out. I believe that Vin DiCarlo is teaching some of the best material this community has to offer and I highly recommend his ebook, The Attraction Code.

Well, Finals are coming up. Boo. I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend like I did!
Rock on,
-Chief

Forgiveness

This is a follow-up to "Obsession": http://chiefpua.blogspot.com/2008/05/obsession.html

A couple days ago I came to grips with the fact that I cannot judge Spin. He's done some terrible things to me, but I still have no right to judge him. Who am I to say that he's a bad guy? I am just as human as he is. It just seems like he's got a sex addiction, and many of his friends would agree. From another perspective he could very well be just as much a victim as much as I saw him as malicious.

"Bros before hos" and "Leave her better than you found her..." Those were our hard and fast rules in the Attraction Theory group, but it's impossible to be completely objective in interpreting those guidelines by their very nature.

To become a man I must face my shadow side. I have to address all my inner demons in order to fulfill my purpose as a man. I'm going to hold a workshop in California on January in 2009, and I'm going to ask him to be a guest speaker. He's got a wealth of knowledge and experience to share ...and I can finally forgive him.

Coincidentally, Spin called me tonight. And he apologized sincerely for the events of long ago. It seems as though he's been doing a lot of thinking and he seems to have matured further than I had expected him to. I'm going to speak to him tomorrow night to get right down to business about the workshop. We're moving forward and letting bygones be bygones.

Truly forgiving someone for their trespasses against you is as hard as forgiving yourself. At the same time, it's so easy if you can just let go of the all the falseness in life that your ego creates... if you just let yourself forgive.

Explore compassion. Compassion liberates.

A Matter of Taste

I won't ever be able to sarge and successfully pick up any given woman I set my eyes on. That's impossible. I once held a belief that if you're adaptable enough with your game such a feat would be possible, but that's bullshit.

As I've learned from various pickup sources, learning game isn't about adding on additional layers to yourself. Instead, it's about peeling away the layers that stifle your core. In the end you will want to fully enable yourself into expressing your true core and core intent in an eloquently expressive fashion. This method of learning and practicing the art of pickup (Natural Game) is rooted in the premise that women are naturally attracted to who you truly are on the inside by default; basically, that "being yourself" is the most effective key in seduction.

Layers that stifle your core can include things like limiting beliefs, bad body language habits, inner demons from past trauma, ego, etc. There are millions of things that can stifle you. Being stifled is having any inhibitions from expressing your true self. On the stage, being stifled is letting anything hold you back from skillfully expressing your true current emotional state (or whatever you're trying to communicate) in most sincere and effective way possible.

If you learn to love yourself, to not take yourself for granted, other people will love you, too. As human beings we are all able to relate to each other in some way, but we all have these layers that stifle us from seeing that. Instead, the best we could possibly do without achieving full godly enlightenment is to find certain parts of ourselves that align with certain parts of other people. This is why it is actually possible to not be someone's "type." Everyone is stifled in some way that blocks them from being able to fully relate to certain people that are stifled in some other way.

This is why, no matter how much I strip myself of my stifling layers, I will not be able to seduce any woman in the world. People in general will become attached to some of their stifling layers, creating a phenomenon called "taste." Sure, I will most certainly increase the amount of "types" of women that will be attracted to me by peeling away these layers of mine, but there will always be some women that do not share the same taste as I do. Some women will always not be my "type."

If I never learned to peel away these layers, if I never learned to love myself, essentially no one could really love me. It would be very difficult to generate any attraction within any woman. It really is great to expand that pool of people that CAN fall in love with you, though, by learning the way of the PUA... but in reality can someone with the ability to attract and seduce any woman anywhere really exist? I think not.

I came to this realization while I was playing along to some songs on my guitar just now. When I was a kid I had this dream to be a great singer/guitarist. However, I've always hated my voice. It brought me down to think that I could never win the hearts of music fans with singing talent, even though I rock at guitar.

I then thought about what almost every experienced singer has told me, though. They all echo something along the lines of, "good singing is all about falling in love with your own voice." It's like game. Anyone who hates their voice will sound terrible to others, and will not be able to give a good performance. Anyone who does love their own voice, however, will always be able to captivate the ears of some types of people.

Think about all the famous voices you've ever heard, and all the bands that you love to listen to. I'm sure you know some people that hate some of these singers, and plenty of people that love them. The same goes for a pickup artist; some types of women will throw their panties off in a heartbeat for some pure expressions of Don Juanery while some types of women will be turned off by the same pickup by the same PUA.

The universal attraction switches are still valid, as are the universal rules of music theory. Music theory dictates what sounds good and what sounds bad to an extent, but it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. Pickup theories dictate what is attractive and what isn't to an extent, but, again, it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. You can follow the rules to dramatically increase your effectiveness in giving a great performance, but you can never win em all.

But who the hell actually cares about winning them all? A "real" musician doesn't concern himself with fame and fortune. Musicians who let their egos get the best of them end up recording a really shitty second album. All that real musicians care about is finding the best and most artistic way to express what they're really feeling. They want to reach the audience that they can relate to the most on the deepest level possible, and so should the pickup artist. Doing so brings a deep sense of fulfillment like no other. This is why so many pickup gurus stress the importance of finding out what exactly you're looking for in a woman because you're exhaustively wasting time and energy if you're trying to focus on attracting ALL women in general.

Find your style, your genre, your target audience. It's all about finding yourself.

It all starts with you.

Here's some heavy stuff.

When I was in middle school, I was depressed. It was pretty bad. I thought nobody in the world could ever really care about me. In turn, I didn't give a damn about anyone, myself, the world, whatever. I saw life through a narrow pessimistic scope. I saw myself as worthless, useless, and also as a victim. I had no faith in humanity or its potential to love. I remember one time I was sitting at my desk, reaching for the nearest long sharp object I could grab hold of. It was a foot-long pair of scissors and I held the sharp end against my neck. Fuck writing a note or a last letter; I didn't give a shit. I was sitting in front of my computer because that's where I usually was. I was pretty withdrawn and not very social, which explains why I would just be in front of the computer a lot, but of course I had that secret desire to be able to have fun and be social with others, so I was logged onto AOL Instant Messenger. By sheer coincidence, right as I was about to escape by shoving those scissors through my throat, a window pops up. It's an Instant Message from one of my female friends, Emily.

Emily was the type of girl who was just naturally happy and joyful, and she had the habit of doing something that pickup artists call "giving value," or just sharing the feeling of love and positivity with others. She just randomly IMed me with "I love you!" out of the blue. At the time I just thought it was a sign from God (I used to be Christian) that He wanted me to continue living, that He had some sort of plan for me, so I put the scissors down. As a Zen Buddhist and as a "pickup artist" now, I look back at that and see something else, something more. I had no faith in humanity. I didn't think anyone could genuinely care about other people. Emily, though, loved and cared about everyone in her life. She saw friends as family and strangers as friends. She would not hesitate to go out of her way for the sake of helping others. I see humanity as a whole very differently now. I know the potential for human beings to love each other, to live a life of compassion, mostly because I can now see that potential within myself. In my life's journey since that day with the scissors, I think I have become one of these kinds of people, or at least I am striving to become one. I think that's just beautiful.

I think every pickup artist MUST develop this positive habit. RSD talks about giving value. As much as I hate to quote him, Mehow talks about giving value. Mark Redman, the relatively new guru on College Game who automatically subscribes you to a "Mastermind Program" by taking money from your bank account monthly without giving enough warning ahead of time when you buy his ebook, refers to it as "giving love." Plenty of pickup companies nowadays are catching on because the habit of giving value is an extraordinarily attractive trait.

I think that the GENUINE habit of giving value is rooted in the feeling of compassion. I believe that all human beings are naturally compassionate. To have compassion for others, one must understand others. To understand others, one must understand himself. Some people have great difficulty in expressing their compassion because they allow themselves to be blinded by ego. Now, where did this ego come from?

When a man isn't self-aware, he allows his ego to creep up to compensate for the metaphorical wounds he has suffered from early on in his life. This is practically unavoidable, unless the man has had a perfect childhood. We usually call those guys "Naturals," by the way. Not to say that ALL Natural pickup artists have been raised flawlessly, of course.

The ego disallows us from accepting reality as it is, which in turn disallows us from taking the right actions toward positive change. For example, our ego tells us to stay in our comfort zone by telling us that we are "good enough," when in reality we want to IMPROVE. A man can let his ego tell him that doing cold approaches isn't his "style." A man can let his ego tell him that he doesn't need to read a book on pickup or relationships because he is above doing things like that. A man can let his ego tell him that he doesn't need to challenge himself by moving onto level 2 because he's already good at level 1. Ultimately, the ego makes us closed-minded.

A man does have the ability, however, to muster enough self-control to tame his ego. Trust me, Buddhists do it all the time. It takes humility to hold an empty cup, but it's easy to have humility when you can admit to yourself that you are currently not the best man you could possibly be, but you are striving to become your best self. As my friend RedpoleQ once said, "A man isn't what you are. A man is what you become."

Once someone lets go of ego, it becomes easy to practice non-resistance. I learned from RSD's Blueprint program that resistance is actually an emotion we feel. Once we accept reality for what it is by NOT letting ourselves feel resistance (come on, we're men so we can control our own emotions), we can allow ourselves to take the right actions to change our very reality. To me this is like an amazing 2-step program that can solve any problem. First, you accept yourself and reality. Then, you take right action to change yourself and reality.

All of this leads to a greater sense of self-awareness, which leads to a greater sense of understanding, which leads to an unlocking of your naturally compassionate nature, which leads to an unlocking of your natural habit of giving love and value, which leads to attracting more people, *cough*which leads to you getting laid*cough*. All of this makes you a better person in the end, which allows for a greater opportunity in leaving everyone you interact with better than you found them.

Imagine a world full of compassion and positive energy like that. Wow, right? And it all starts with you.

Passion for pickup

I've got some exciting news!

Brad sold pick-up-artist-forum.com to Richard La Ruina, aka Gambler, of PUA Training. We've got a lot of new things planned for the future of PUAF with the new leadership. Mr. La Ruina has also made me a Site Administrator, and I've already set a lot of things in motion to make the forum better and higher-quality.

I also recorded an interview I did with a natural today and it shall be available on the website shortly.

Anyway, I was having a conversation with one of my pledge brothers today and he was asking me why I do this whole pickup thing.

I remember when I first started liking girls. I was really young - second grade. My first crush was this blonde girl named Jessica, and that's all I remember about her. From that early age I started developing a deep appreciation for feminimity and for both the pain and joy it brings to my life. I learned to really love women. Seriously, I love women to death now. I think they're the most beautiful creations on the face of this planet, physically, mentally, spiritually. I am grateful for pickup; it showed me how to express my appreciation for such beauty without being a creeper lol.

My pledge brother was under the impression that I saw women as objects, and he brought it up when I was comparing pickup to a hobby that he liked to do, swimming.

I told him that, like pickup, the reason a swimmer would continue swimming after he had achieved all he wanted to achieve (mastering the discipline, winning trophies and competitions, etc.) would be because he simply loved to swim.

"OK, so if pickup is to women as swimming is to water, wouldn't that mean you're treating women as things?" he asked. By his logic, water is a thing, and according to that analogy, a woman would also be a thing.

I poured my heart out when I replied, connecting to that part of me that really felt a loving passion for the female half of our species, "No. Even though I'm not a swimmer, I can imagine that if I were a swimmer who was really passionate about swimming, I wouldn't see water as a thing. I'd look out into the ocean and I wouldn't just see WATER. I'd see a partner. Every droplet of water that touches my skin when I'm moving through that ocean would be a little taste of enlightenment. And I would feel on a gut-level that the ocean was actually HAPPY for me to swim in it."

"Touche."

-Chief

You can run but you can't hide

...and running won't even do you any good. It'll only exhaust you.

I'm currently experiencing some domestic turbulence within my own household right now, and it's reminding me of a very important life lesson. Try as you might, but you can't fucking hide shit from the world, especially not from the people that are actually involved in your life.

Go ahead and try. Go ahead and go out in-field and say cocky and funny lines without actually having cockiness and humor as a part of your genuine personality. Go ahead and tell a story about saving your stripper ex-girlfriend from some chodes chasing her around when in reality you're a virgin who's never had a girlfriend. Go ahead and ask for a woman's opinion on something without actually caring about what her opinion is. Go ahead and try lying to people like that, but you won't succeed in convincing anyone of anything other than the absolute truth. Sure, once in a while you can TRICK someone into believing your lies, but somewhere down the road you're running on, you're going to trip and fall flat on your face... and who knows what kinds of debris will be on the ground of that road? The face you must show to the world may be forever scarred from glass and hot coals.

Pickup isn't about tricking anyone into anything. It's about becoming that awesome guy you've always envisioned yourself to be. You'll be attracting women left and right because you'll be expressing your genuine best self, not because you're hiding behind a mask. You'll be attracting as a result from giving that loving energy out to the world since you've got plenty of that feeling for yourself.

Being honest is a very scary thought, I know, but it isn't so scary when you've hit that point of becoming proud of yourself for something inside you, and not for something you've done or anything else outside of you. Sure, it can still be scary at times, but then there's that confidence that automatically comes with that pride of self-validation. Once you dive into the pool of honesty, it doesn't seem so scary anymore.

Most people look at PUA methods like the Mystery Method or the Speed Seduction process and see that as an opportunity to manipulate others into thinking you're something that you're not. Fucking stop that. I look at PUA methods and see an opportunity to express my core intent in an artistic manner. Pickup is an opportunity to express what's on the inside because that's basically what any ART is. That's what the "A" in PUA fucking stands for: Artist.

You're not going to make it by faking it. You have to develop your mentality and lifestyle through discipline and hardcore life experience until you reach a point where you can see yourself as "beautiful on the inside," as cheesy as that sounds. Only then can you really use Outer Game models in pickup to successfully pick up. Pick up yourself, your life, then pick up chicks. That's when you'll feel like you have some real control over your love life.

Hiding behind a mask is only going to give you a long laundry list of problems you've never imagined before. Let go of that ego and reveal your true self. Once you've done that, you're fucking free to move in whatever direction of change you wish to go.

-Chief

A meditation on struggle

I've been thinking about something earlier today, and I just read something that Beschatten wrote in response to a question that somebody asked that got me thinking even more.

"People lose sleep over a death, not a girl. Get a grip." -Beschatten

Several years ago, when I was in middle school, I went through a completely negative and hateful goth phase. I wore all black, I hated the world, I hated myself, I hated my life. I was full of self-pity and believed that I've "been through a lot of shit." Even nowadays people tell me that I seem very mature for my age and it seems that I've "been through a lot."

I've begun to see that that is total bullshit. What have I been through? 30+ rejections in middle school may have left me in emotional turmoil to the point of fucked up depression, but these were all just GIRL ISSUES. How could I have been such a pussy to have been suicidal over GIRL ISSUES?

My parents stayed together. I was fed whenever I was hungry. I received (and am receiving) good education. I was provided with a plethora of extracurricular activities. I was never captured and tortured. I was never forced to endanger myself. I was never sexually abused. Hell, I've never even been GROUNDED (grounding isn't a standard disciplinary method in Asian cultures). I haven't been through shit. I haven't ever been REALLY tested to earn manhood.

I was even disappointed at my performance at one point while I was pledging for Sigma Chi. I can't reveal details as I am sworn to secrecy, but let's just say that I could have been more of a man.

I've always thought that I've experienced a lot of the bad shit life has to offer, but what the fuck do I know? I've never had it THAT bad. I've just been a pussy when I was a kid. What do I know of real struggle?

I've been exposed to some pretty bad racism and other kinds of prejudice against me. I've had my heart broken by countless oneitises. I've had to go to court. I've had a friend die in a car crash. I've had a friend die of heart attack. My taekwondo grandmaster died of lung disease. I've had friends of friends commit suicide. I've had close friends ATTEMPT suicide. I've had issues with my parents. I've had issues with friends and girlfriends. I used to have a drinking problem. I used to be a chain smoker. Someone hacked into my Neopets account and took all my Neopoints. Someone stole my credit card information. Sure, I've been through all that, but can I really call that "a lot?" What do I know of REAL struggle?

Everything I have been through has been completely laughable compared to the shit my own father has been through, laughable compared to the shit people over in Darfur are going through, laughable compared to the shit people in communist nations have been through, laughable compared to the hunger that people in third world countries feel. I don't have to fear for my life on a daily basis. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get my next meal. I don't have friends and family dropping like flies left and right. I don't have to worry about the government killing me for exercising my freedom of speech. I don't have trees falling on me from lumber work and having to drive myself to a far-away hospital while half-paralyzed from the spinal impact (props to Sean Messenger and his family). I don't have the world watching my every move as I try to achieve something no man has done before.

"I once cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man with no feet." -Anonymous

Guys, we are all here to learn from each other, better our lives, and create solutions to our perceived problems. Keep a bigger picture in your minds, though, and know that any problem we may have with GIRLS... it's really not that bad. It's really no big deal. The struggle you face on the path of learning pickup is NOTHING compared to the struggles of REAL LIFE.

Real life turns you into a real man. Pickup can help, but it's not the meat and potatoes. It's just the seasoning.

I'm 18 years old, I have a head full of PUA knowledge, a resume of some solid field experience, but I haven't seen nothin' yet. I can't wait to see what life has in store to REALLY test me. I can't wait to face the hardships that life has to offer so I can develop some real, solid character. Time to step forward.

-Chief

Having standards

A lot of guys in the community talk about "having standards" because it's a good ideal to follow. However, not enough guys actually look past their lustful physical desires to really identify what they're looking for in the women they seek to have in their lives. So, I actually sat down and wrote a list of qualities that I'd like to see in the women I get involved with.

I'm looking for a woman who is... (in no order of importance)
> Open-minded
> Adventurous
> Respectful of others
> Caring
> Unselfish
> Compassionate
> Passionate about something
> Feminine
> A little weird in some way
> Openly bisexual
> Likes music and dancing
> Self-aware
> Doesn't hold grudges
> Allows herself to live in the moment
> Not a communist

That's my list for now. It'll probably change as I experience more of life. If you don't have a list, why not make one? It'll at least let you prove to yourself that you actually do have standards.

-Chief

South Korea

I recently spent some time in Seoul, South Korea so far during my summer vacation. It was a blast! I go to Korea all the time to visit family, but I never tasted the nightlife or anything fun about Korea until this time. I met a bunch of guys from the Korea Lair, which is very well organized and led by a PUA who goes by BlueMystery. I was very impressed by Korea Lair and I hope I can help make the New Orleans lair just as organized and motivated once I get back.

Sarging there was a fun experience like no other. Let me tell ya, the dive bars in Seoul are like the high-class bars in America. At least that's what my impression was like. You can check out my FRs from my trip if you know where to find them.

One of the guys in Korea Lair told me that it's a DHV to be American (novelty factor), and if you are from America and happen to be Korean by race, it's even better because the girls feel safer and more comfortable by being with a guy who's still Asian. At the same time, they're still experiencing something new and foreign. I'm totally going to learn how to be fluent in Korean (my Korean sucks) and going back next year.

I used to always say that I don't prefer Asian chicks, but now I have a whole new appreciation for them. I can't wait to travel more. =)

-Chief

Obsession.

They say that the Tarot cards can tell you things about yourself. Of course, a lot of the fortune telling aspects of Tarot that attempt to predict the future are hocus pocus bullshit with little or no scientific validity. Nonetheless, each card in the deck is designed to speak to a universal archetype that anyone can relate to.

There are a lot of customized decks out there that deviate from the classic Roar-Waite style in one way or another. The particular deck I have replaced the Devil card with one titled "Obsession," depicting a S&M-like scene with a nude blindfolded woman tied down to pentagram on the wall. When I first looked through my cards, I found myself most drawn to this card in particular. Was this simply because of my Dom/sub fetish, or was there something more to this?

I saw the movie, "The Prestige" for the second time today. The first time I saw it, which was when it was first released in theaters, I didn't think of it like I'm thinking of it now. That movie's all about obsession. For those of you who haven't seen it, go watch it. It's an excellent movie.

In The Prestige, there are two rival show magicians who are constantly trying to be more successful than the other. They are constantly trying to prove themselves as the "better" magician by messing up each other's shows, stealing each other's tricks, etc. A huge theme than ran along with the theme of obsession was the idea of sacrifice. Each of the two magicians had to sacrifice a lot for their art. One of them lived his entire life in a lie and the other even ended up killing himself about 100 times (watch the movie). They each gave up a part of their humanity for obsession.

While watching The Prestige today, I couldn't help but to relate to one of these guys very strongly. I looked back at my life these past six or seven months, back from when a very dramatic rivalry sparked between me and one of my former pickup students. He was literally the best student I had, yielding more results than I, and then he stabbed me in the back. "Spin." What an appropriate PUA name he chose for himself. I removed him from my inner circle.

For many months after that shit show in October of 2007, I fell into obsession and literally thought of nothing but becoming better than him. It made me push myself in some good ways, but slowly I was chipping away at my psyche and at my humanity. It forced me to challenge and even disown some morals I had previously held. It made me start smoking. It made me criticize myself in ways that hindered me rather than drive me forward. It brought me to the study of NLP, something we in my inner circle regarded as the "dark side" of pickup. Of course, I see NLP and Speed Seduction in a more positive light nowadays, but nonetheless the motivation I was driven by to this discipline wasn't noble.

And, on top of this obsessive path of self-destruction I've taken, I bear the burden of guilt. Guilt for having created a monster. This guy doesn't exactly have the best intentions, and I was blind to his negatives, despite the endless warnings from my peers.

I don't know where I'm at with this whole obsessive rivalry ordeal right now. Of course, I've cut off communication with him, so I don't really know what to compare myself to, so I've certainly calmed down a bit. However, how would I react if I saw what his current standing was in pickup? And, would I still have the goal of becoming a mPUA if he didn't exist? I either don't know or I'm afraid to let myself know.

If it weren't for the wise words of the gurus like David Deangelo ("Compare your progress and success only to yourself") that I at least claim to vehemently apply to my life, I would have let this whole obsession thing spiral my life down to a complete catastrophe. However, I cannot proudly say for certain that I have lived congruently with these excellent Inner Game values. I must concede that, as a mortal human being, I am not perfect. In fact I am far from perfect. I must become better. At least better than him. No, wait, I mean "better than where I'm at now."

Sigh.

-Chief

Social Psychology and Pickup: The Overjustification Effect and Intrinsic Motivation

Taken from an old folk tale:
"An old man lived alone on a street where boys played noisily every afternoon. The din annoyed him, so one day he called the boys to his door. He told them he loved the cheerful sound of the children's voices and promised them each 50 cents if they would return the next day. Next afternoon, the youngsters raced back and played more lustily than ever. The old man paid them and promised another reward the next day. Again they returned, whooping it up, and the man paid them; this time 25 cents. The following day they only got 15 cents, and the man explained that his meager resources were being exhausted. "Please, though, would you come to play for 10 cents tomorrow?" The disappointed boys told the man they would not be back. It wasn't worth the effort, they said, to play all afternoon at his house for only 10 cents."

There are many elements in psychology that can explain the behavioral responses of women to AFCs and PUAs. Social psychology offers the theory of the overjustification effect as one underlying reason as to why AFCs fail to elicit desired responses from women.

The overjustification effect - The result of bribing people to do what they already like doing; they may then see their actions as externally controlled rather than intrinsically appealing.

Intrinsic motivation - Motivation to do something out of genuine internal preference and liking.

From his study and development of Inner Game, a PUA comes to fully understand and believe, with every fiber of his being, that women love sex. The act of sex is intrinsically motivated within both men and women. The AFC, on the other hand, fails to truly recognize women's genuine liking of sex. Therefore, he, in a way, feels compelled to instill an external motivation within her to do the dirty with him.

In the mind of an AFC, women don't like sex. He comes to this conclusion through his faulty interpretation of social scripts.

Social scripts - Culturally provided mental instructions for how to act in various situations.

Women, from being sexually oppressed by a patriarchal society that has used sex as a competitive resource for too many generations, developed the social script of responding negatively to sexual topics when presented in public situations. Examples of this behavior can be seen whenever a woman responds to a sexual joke in disgust or when she says anything along the lines of, "I'm not a slut" and "I don't do that on the first date."

The AFC interprets the social script as "women don't like sex." Logically, if you want someone to do something that they don't like doing, you must compensate them with external rewards. The AFC takes this logical path and compensates women with external rewards such as drinks, dinners, gifts, and an overall attitude of supplication, during the process of courtship. In doing so, the AFC triggers the overjustification effect. When a person is rewarded with external factors to do something he or she already likes, he or she loses sight of his or her intrinsic motivation and justifies his or her actions as "I did it because I was paid to do so."

Proof of the reality of this effect can be observed in experiments by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan (1991, 1997) at the University of Rochester, by Mark Lepper and David Greene (1979) at Stanford, and by Ann Boggiano and her colleagues (1985, 1987) at the University of Colorado:
"Pay people for playing with puzzles, and they will later play with the puzzles less than those who play for no pay. Promise children a reward for doing what they intrinsically enjoy (for example, playing with Magic Markers), and you will turn their play into work."

It is implied that intrinsic motivation is an undeniably more powerful and consistent of a driving force in motivation than any mode of external compensation. In failing to recognize women's innate desire to have sex, the AFC forces his targets to replace her intrinsic motivations with his inconsistent, incongruent, and desperate offerings of resources.

Social Psychology, ninth edition, by David G. Myers:
"When people do something they enjoy, without reward or coercion, they attribute their behavior to their love of the activity. External rewards undermine intrinsic motivation by leading people to attribute their behavior to the incentive."

Myers also points out that "the overjustification effect occurs when someone offers an unnecessary reward beforehand in an obvious effort to control behavior."

Rosenfeld & others, 1980; Sansone, 1986:
"Rewards that seek to control people and lead them to believe it was the reward that caused their effort - 'I did it for the money' - diminish the intrinsic appeal of an enjoyable task."

In terms of pickup, this evidence is a clear explanation as to why women feel unappreciative toward AFCs who supplicate to them as a strategy of bedding her. The supplication makes the woman feel less intrinsic motivation, and therefore more jaded, bitchy, and less able to revel in the beauty of pure human desires.

Consciously armed with this knowledge of the overjustification effect, a PUA can keep himself in check to make sure that he isn't preemptively rewarding a woman with external factors such as IOIs and SOIs for following him in the progressive route toward the mutually pleasurable experience of sex. By acknowledging and reinforcing the woman's intrinsic motivation (not just for sex, but for all areas of life), the PUA can "leave her better than he found her," letting her fully enjoy an internal cultivation of her enthusiasm for life.

-Chief

Mainstream

There's a keg at the house tonight and I'm going, but I'd like to take a minute to talk about how this underground pickup community is surfacing into the mainstream.

If you didn't already know, ever since Neil Strauss (Style) released his best-selling novel The Game back in 2005 and Erik Von Markovik (Mystery) had that show "The Pickup Artist" on VH1 just last year or something, more and more people have become aware of this community. It isn't so "underground" anymore.

Sure, I kinda miss the days when all this stuff was more secretive and all I knew was the C&F and Inner Game shit that David Deangelo preached, but these mainstream additions to the community have actually opened my eyes to more and different schools of pickup, and gave me the opportunity to expand my horizons.

I think Mystery and Style have done very good things for the world by letting more people know about this stuff. However, there have been unfortunate consequences.

A lot of PUAs complain that more girls or HBs call them out on canned material. "OMG you got that from that VH1 show!" ...but that's not what I'm talking about. That is NOT a bad thing. If a PUA hasn't reached the level where he's using his OWN authentic material, he's just being a copy cat and isn't really learning the real lessons. It's a good thing that more people are recognizing this.

The unfortunate consequence that I think has taken place, however, is that the Mystery Method is currently the reigning "mainstream" method for pickup. Sure, I think the Mystery Method is a fun and legit Outer Game method to follow, but it really isn't the best way to go about learning pickup... and it's unfortunate to see so many newbies flocking to Mystery's school of thought.

Why do I say this? I think the Mystery Method somewhat promotes being fake. I have nothing against Indirect Game, but to me the Mystery Method is mostly about acting like something that you're not. It's the method that involves mostly canned material and the idea of "fake it til you make it." It's useful as hell to learn, but not so great when you've fixated on learning ONLY the Mystery Method. There's almost zero Inner Game development involved.

I think people should turn to the Mystery Method once they have already gotten their Inner Game and confidence honed from other schools such as David Deangelo, Carlos Xuma, Inner Game specific programs from Ross Jeffries, and even RSD. This whole "fake it til you make it" crap is going to mess up a lot of heads.

It IS a good thing, however, that the mainstream form of pickup has shifted to being a social development centered discipline rather than a hypnosis/NLP centered discipline. That Speed Seduction stuff is tricky shit, man. I'm learning from that school of thought because the psychology behind it is really interesting to me, but it really isn't worth learning just for the sake of pickup.

I am personally planning on moving completely away from Mystery Method and taking up Gunwitch Method. It's seems a lot more authentic and honest to me, and there's almost no canned material involved.

Jeffy Freedom Tour

As some of you may know, RSD has been giving free workshops with Jlaix (aka Jeffy) and Ciaran. They were in New Orleans yesterday so of course I HAD to attend.

I was completely stoked, man! I finally had the chance to meet some of the BEST masters in the field.

I walked into the room and was starstruck. I see Jlaix on the other side and Ciaran approaches me and we shake hands. Holy shit, dude. I am shaking the hand of the man who created the concept of Shock and Awe and the currently popular Apocalypse Opener. I pronounce his name wrong. He AMOGs me. After I shake Jlaix's hand, I make a light joke making fun of the fact that he was using a Mac. He AMOGs me. It was great. =P

The presentation was awesome. Jlaix is definitely a man who lives up to his reputation. The entire time, I was thinking, "Wow, these guys have been through it all over years and years and years of this pickup artistry. I can really feel a strong difference in their energy because of that."

Apparently Jlaix picked up one of the chicks working at the Crepe place while he was here. I probably know her.

Now, onward to shake the hands of all the other mPUAs!

Living the story

So lately I've been trying to develop my DHV stories more, and I've come to realize something very liberating.

You don't have to sit down and structure a story with some kind of formula.

As Mystery says, being a PUA is about "building a life." I agree with this wholeheartedly. If you develop your Inner Game by adopting a success-oriented and fun-oriented frame of reality, you will become mentally prepared and motivated to live life to the fullest.

Inner Game is followed by Outer Game. Once you've got the right head on your shoulders, take Right Action. Start acting on your PUA impulses because you are READY RIGHT NOW to live the fucking life.

Put yourself out there and make your life an adventure. Once you do that, you'll be living your DHV stories. Telling these real stories will definitely be naturally chock full of DHV spikes, and you'll have this "DHV story" stuff down pat... in the best way possible.

So, what you want to do is this:
1. Get out and live life. Do what you want to do, and go where the wind takes you.
2. Pick some events that you feel GREAT about.
3. Tell your story and express your true self through it.

Don't fucking worry about hitting the 5 attraction switches or anything like that. If you are telling a positive story that you can actually FEEL and express emotionally, you are going to convey attractive qualities with your genuine Inner Game-developed personality. The number one attractive quality that you will be expressing is AUTHENTICITY. It's great shit.

If you don't already have Inner Game, start developing that NOW. There's an endless amount of material out there in the PUA community that can help you with that. Seek and you will find, bitches!

Rock,
-Chief

Compliments and interest

I recieved a private message from a girl today on a forum that I post in sometimes:

"Chief! I love reading your posts, you're one of the only people I'll actually make an effort to see what they write on here. Anyway, just wanted you to know you are appreciated!"

As I was trying to think about how I would respond to this message, my mind was drawing a blank. And then, a wave of thoughts and ideas molested my head:

1. "I recieved a sincere compliment. Good ego boost."
2. "This was from a member of the opposite sex."
3. "I don't know what she looks like because this is the internet."
4. "Besides a standard line like, 'thank you,' I don't know what to say in response."
5. "Why? She failed to mention anything about herself. The focus was completely directed upon me."
6. "She didn't say or ask anything that could potentially elicit a genuine response from me."
7. "I am not interested in her because she didn't give me anything to be interested in."

Don't get me wrong... there was nothing wrong with this girl as far as I could tell. She's a sweetheart. She just didn't talk to me with the most favorable combination of words.

AFCs compliment girls all the time. What happens when a guy walks up to a girl and gives a compliment? Right off the bat, something like this will go on in her head:

1. "I recieved a sincere compliment. Good ego boost."
2. "This was from a member of the opposite sex."
3. "I can judge him a little bit by what he looks like, but that's not enough for my feelings to really decide on anything."
4. "Besides a standard response like 'thank you,' I don't know what to say in response."
5. "Why? He failed to mention anything about himself. The focus was completely directed upon me."
6. "He didn't say or ask anything that could potentially elicit a genuine response from me."
7. "I am not interested in him because he didn't give me anything to be interested in."

I already knew these concepts, but this realization made me see things more clearly in a structured manner. Having the other-side perspective really opens your eyes. Now I actually feel sorry for all those hot girls at the bars lol. They must be bored out of their minds with guys like that all over the place. Let's go do them a favor, fellas.

-Chief

The rum wasn't gone this time

Have you guys tried Old New Orleans Rum? That shit is good. A little cheaper than Captain Morgan, and arguably a little better.

Apparently I've got some spies checking my blog here - kids from my college that aren't in the PUA community. They think this shit's "funny." Great. My first reaction, of course, was, "I need to delete this blog." Then I realized that I don't really have anything to hide here. I post my FRs and LRs elsewhere, anyway. =P

Seriously, though. Go out and try some Old New Orleans Rum. It's heaven.

Uh... Yeah, I don't really have anything else to say right now lol.

-Chief

Asians

It's fucking MARDI GRAS!!! Fat Tuesday!

Did I already mention how awesome this place is? I'll say it again if I did: New Orleans is fucking awesome.

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!!

I have made myself a regular at this bar/club called the Dungeon. Every time I go there, I enjoy myself by having a good time on the dancefloor, talking to people, eating cherries soaked in everclear, etc. As a PUA, I'm not a shy guy at the bar. I'm loud when I want to be and I actually talk to strangers. Oh, and I'm an Asian guy.

Let me tell ya. My entire life I've been going against Asian stereotypes. You can't blame me, give me a break. Asian guys are stereotypically shy nerds with no social skills. I could never really find a genuine desire within myself to align with such an identity. Fuck no, sir.

Asians in general are raised to focus primarily on academics and whatever's related to making money stabily and successfully. That's all that really matters in life for long term happiness, right? PSHHH. Every PUA and cold reader knows: Health, Wealth, and Relationships. Those are the three main categories in our lives that we need success in for happiness. Asians stereotypically sacrifice developments and potential success in Health and Relationships to focus primarily on Wealth. Fuck that shit. As a consequence, most Asian guys are completely socially inept, therefore having a sexless reputation.

Sure, sometimes I think things like "things would be a lot easier if I were white," but I've never really let my race hold me back in anything. I do what I want to do. It's probably because I started all this PUA stuff at a REALLY young age. I have pretty decent Inner Game and my limiting beliefs have been annihilated.

The fact of the matter is - most Asian guys lack confidence...immensely. And we all know that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a PUA can convey. If it weren't for me stumbling upon one of David Deangelo's online ads years ago, I'd probably be in the same fucking pathetic boat.

I was watching a bunch of youtube videos the other night where people were talking about how you rarely see Asian guys with white chicks, how white guys "steal our Asian girls," how Asian guys have a disadvantage in the American dating scene, etc. I had a hard time identifying with these guys, though. I get romantically involved with white girls all the time. It's not an issue for me.

Limiting beliefs are silly.

Oh, I'd also like to give a shout out to JT aka AsianPlayboy and TokyoPUA. You guys are an inspiration to Asian PUAs everywhere. Hopefully I'll be joining your ranks in the future.

-Chief

EDIT: TokyoPUA is not Asian. >=(

The community is a real community =)

It's 5 AM and I just got in from an entire day, night, and I guess morning, of MARDI GRAS!!! Man, this shit is fucking FUN. This is actually my first ever Mardi Gras in New Orleans. I must say, it is an understatement to say that New Orleans is unique.

I spent the night out partying it up with both of my fellow New Orleans PUA lair leaders, a couple regular members, and three other PUAs that flew in from Pennsylvania for Mardi Gras. I experienced first-hand of how real this PUA community is. It's like one big fat fraternity of men with common interests. We have the information age to thank for that. We could not be living in a better time. Now is the time when communication amongst like-minded individuals across the globe can most effectively get in touch with one another. It's a wonderful thing, I must say.

This community is not full of socially inept computer nerds as one may imagine. These guys I met from soooo many miles away were legit cool guys. The community is full of so many different kinds of people but we're all connected.

Some may say that tools like the internet just makes the world a smaller place with less to be discovered, taking away a sense of wonderment. No, dude... the more we discover, the more we realize how much more there is to discover. If nothing else, our horizons are broadened to the realization that there's a lot more to explore than we ever thought possible. There's an old saying that says something very similar to that, I swear.

-Chief

Lookin' for love in all the wrong definitions

I gotta admit. We pickup artists are fucking pathetic. We are the male counterparts to drugged up strippers who can never find satisfaction and fulfillment. Why? You could say that we're all "looking for love in all the wrong places."

As someone with respect for Buddhists beliefs (I'm a Taoist), I believe I understand what true love is about. In short, it's an all-encompassing compassion for humanity. What do most PUAs look for, though? The Rolling Stones knew... "I can't get no satisfaction."

We're living in a society where there is so much emphasis on sensory stimulation. I know that it's all an illusion that has no real importance, but it still affects us all. I am no exception.

I still think about those times when I had a real, deep, intimate connection with a girl. Those feelings are a drug, man. We PUAs are always looking to get our fix off of women. We want those wonderful feelings of acceptance and affection. Most of the time, it's a small dosage from a friend with benefits or something, but sometimes we take the heavy shit. Sometimes we get a shot of that thing that western society mistakenly calls "love" and then BOOM we are DRUGGED.

My name is Chief and I am an addict.

I still think about those more intimate times, when she and I would find ourselves just naturally getting closer and closer physically without either of us consciously realizing what was going on. Then, I realize that I've been sick with a cold for a few days and say, "I'm not going to kiss you. I'm sick" Then, she shoots back with a simple, "you should." I still remember those timeless nights on the phone when she would tell me that she would love me forever and ever, and I would tell her that I love her so much that I'd die for her. I still think about... Psh. PUAs learn the skills of seduction just so we can be temporarily happy AFCs. The more of an AFC we can be the better. It's the illusion of love that motivates us.

And then... the cycle repeats itself. The relationship, whatever type of relationship it was, ends and we go out to find our new fix. Another dosage of these feelings from a different dealer. The next dealer has something different for you... the same feelings, just different dosages. You can get a one night stand and that would be just one shot of your poison. I know I'm mixing up drug and alcohol analogies here, but bear with me. You can begin a whole new romantic relationship and that would be an entire handle of your poison. Either way, you're going to run dry at some point and you'll just end up being more dependant on the external substance of "love." It's a vicious cycle.

Some PUAs are in this just to get laid more. They just want that sensation over and over again. The rest of us are seeking something more, but nothing more noble or honorable. We just want everyone to give us unconditional love. What the hell kind of bullshit is that?

We pickup artists are fucking pathetic. Oh, well. I guess I'll just go sarging tomorrow night. Then, I'll be happy again because this is a fun game to play.

The bottle's gunna run dry again, though. Sigh.

-Chief