Do you want to get rid of Approach Anxiety?

I want you to sit down and imagine this following scenario. Go inside your head right now and imagine this happening with as many vivid details as possible. Read this slowly and deliberately, soaking in as much of it as you can.

You are in line to ride a roller coaster for the first time ever, but you feel absolutely no fear. In fact, you feel nothing at all. You feel like you might as well be sitting down silently and calmly, just staring at a dot on a piece of paper. You are right there in line for the roller coaster but you expect no consequences at all.

You get into the dull gray roller coaster car and you still feel nothing. It's as if you're just going through the motions without feeling a thing. There isn't an ounce of fear in your system. You feel no fear, thrill, nor excitement for the ride to come.

The roller coaster car starts up and takes you through spins and loops, physically lifting your position in space up and down at various speeds. Your emotions, however, are completely unaffected. You still feel like you might as well be sitting down silently and calmly, just staring at a dot on a piece of paper.

The roller coaster car makes a full circle and starts slowing down back where you started. You step off on the car and start walking away to get on with your life. You can't help but to ask yourself, "What the hell was the point of all that?"

Is this how you want your interactions and relationships with women to go?

Or would you rather embrace your Approach Anxiety and just go for it, enjoying the full spectrum of your emotions to savor the many flavors of life?

There can be no yin without the yang. If you wish to gain everything, you must be willing to risk losing everything. Like the exhilarating path of a roller coaster, you'll only go as high as deep as you'll be willing to dive.

Stop being a pussy, man up, and approach her... with or without Approach Anxiety.

-Chief

Managing expectations

A friend and fellow student of the pickup arts asked me a question in confidence today. He showed me a rather long email that he received from his ex-girlfriend. It detailed how obsessed she was with him, and how she can't get him off her mind.

He no longer wishes to be her boyfriend, but she's hooked because he abused his PUA power by creating nearly unbreakable connections just so that he could guarantee sex and a relationship with this girl. Needless to say, she really wants to re-establish an exclusive relationship with him. The question he posed to me was:

"Honestly, I just want her vagina because it was so tight, but I was ever so dumb to fucking mindwash her, and now I can't get the vagina, without getting the entire package with it. I don't want the entire fucking package, and you seem the only guy to go to on this. What do I say to this email?"

The following was my response:

Get ready for an epic "I told you so."

I told you so.

An ounce of prevention is more valuable than a pound of cure. It's better to manage expectations than to have to deal with damage control. Hopefully now you'll stop teaching AFCs to establish deep connections that they'll inevitably regret later. ;)

My ability to foresee these kinds of things comes from having been a wbAFC who's been on the other side of it over many experiences. I don't want women to feel the kind of disillusioned attachment and suffering I've been through. That kinda shit is totally lose-lose.

Hopefully now you also further understand why "forbidden patterns" are "forbidden" in the first place... even though you have yet to experience the full extent of the consequences that can stem from them.

The best solution I can come up with would be to [the solution I presented to him is irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make in this blog post, so I'll leave it out.]

Oh, and make your intentions to just have sex with her clear from the start this time. One of the biggest reasons that a PUA must know exactly what he wants is so that he can sincerely communicate those intentions to his potential lovers.

And don't forget to leave her better than you found her. Hopefully you'll choose to steer this boat in a direction that lets her continue on her life a more optimistic, wise, and mature individual rather than a cynical, jaded, and man-hating bitch.

-Chief

Trust by default

The other night I was at my favorite bar, The Dungeon. There was a new bartender working there. She was pretty cute and had sexy hair that looked wet even though it wasn't.

I was there with HBNoCrawfish (from my latest LR on all the various PUA forums I post in), and I was talking to her about how I've been trying to develop a pickup strategy that involves telling girls that I'm a virgin (it's pretty complicated), but she didn't think people would believe me. I turn to the new bartender behind the bar and ask her, "Would you believe me if I told you I was a virgin?"

"Sure," she responded. "Oh? Why's that?" I asked. "Well, I don't have any reason to not believe you. I don't think you'd have any reason to lie to me."

Here was a bartender girl I had just met that night, and she was prepared to believe anything I told her. She had the default attitude of trusting the world. It was refreshing to meet someone like that, especially since I don't like dealing with bullshit in the first place.

I think that bartender is the type of person who can easily love as though she's never been hurt before. I envy that quality.

-Chief

Fat Chicks and Beta Males

Imagine a fat chick going on a healthy diet and exercising regularly as she loses weight to become more attractive to the opposite sex. Everyone she knows compliments her all the time for her valiant effort. Once she actually gets hot, she gets way more attention from men and people shower her with more attention and praise.

Now imagine a beta male AFC learning self improvement and pickup as he gains confidence to become more attractive to the opposite sex. Everyone he tells his commitment to change to looks down on him for following some "bullshit" advice and for being "creepy." Once he actually garners some success through this discipline, suddenly he's negatively marked as "one of those pickup guys."

A girl becoming more attractive by losing weight is directly analogous to a guy becoming more attractive by learning pickup, so why is there such a discrepancy on how people judge these two methods of self improvement?

It's becoming more clear that there are two very different methodologies in learning pickup nowadays. The first, and arguably "wrong" way to do it is to learn a bag of tricks for the purpose of hiding your true ugly self in an attempt to deceive a woman into believing that you're better than you actually are. The second, and arguably "right" way to do it is to work through a strenuous process of facing your inner demons and actually changing who you are on the inside so that you genuinely become a "sexworthy" man, and then learn how to present yourself in the most sincere way possible to most effectively communicate your real attractiveness.

You cannot compare the first methodology of learning pickup to a fat chick losing weight through a disciplined program of diet and exercise. Instead it's more like the fat chick who takes pictures of herself from deceptive overhead angles to produce photos that make her appear more attractive than she actually is, and then posting those pictures on her myspace or facebook. It's a TRICK that infuriates men who actually buy into the misrepresentation and actually agree to meet up with the girl, only to discover that he's been fantasizing about a whale.

A woman who commits to a strenuous process of change deserves the respect she gets, as does the man who grows a pair and faces his inner demons to mature himself for real. Any action that involves hiding who you really are is certainly not respectable and in some cases actually disgusting. Unfortunately, the mainstream view of the pickup community is related to the deceptive methods of hiding, but those of us who have nothing to hide won't have to worry about those negative judgments.

So, to all you PUAs who still use Mystery's canned material: You are scared about the public knowing about our community because you're still hiding. Step up to the next level and change yourself instead of just manipulating your behavior. The only way you'll actually change is to man up and do what you're afraid of doing. These things include:

>Facing your inner demons.
>Daring to love yourself and all persons.
>Really identifying who you are right now without letting your ego define you.
>Actually approaching women in spite of your approach anxiety.
>Taking full responsibility for your own life and actions.
>Turning the other cheek, metaphorically speaking.
>Taming your ego (Tolle's ego, not Freud's).

That's just a small starter list. If you've got any other ideas to contribute, please comment below.

Some good stuff!

This past Friday and Saturday was my first workshop right here in New Orleans! It sure was a blast and the people seemed to have learned a lot. I guess I better start advertising very soon for the NorCal workshop that's coming up on January 2nd and 3rd.

I wasn't able to take the boys out in-field on the second day after the Outer Game presentation because I had to attend my Fraternity's Christmas party with my hot hot date. Fortunately my friend and fellow lair leader, Stormy, was able to take them out for sarging. I wonder how it went?

I swear I had the hottest date at the party and made people jealous. >:D
Fun times.

Along with being a site administrator for pick-up-artist-forum.com (now known as mpuaforum.com), I became a super moderator for Vin DiCarlo's forum at vindicarlo.com/forums so check it out. I believe that Vin DiCarlo is teaching some of the best material this community has to offer and I highly recommend his ebook, The Attraction Code.

Well, Finals are coming up. Boo. I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend like I did!
Rock on,
-Chief

Forgiveness

This is a follow-up to "Obsession": http://chiefpua.blogspot.com/2008/05/obsession.html

A couple days ago I came to grips with the fact that I cannot judge Spin. He's done some terrible things to me, but I still have no right to judge him. Who am I to say that he's a bad guy? I am just as human as he is. It just seems like he's got a sex addiction, and many of his friends would agree. From another perspective he could very well be just as much a victim as much as I saw him as malicious.

"Bros before hos" and "Leave her better than you found her..." Those were our hard and fast rules in the Attraction Theory group, but it's impossible to be completely objective in interpreting those guidelines by their very nature.

To become a man I must face my shadow side. I have to address all my inner demons in order to fulfill my purpose as a man. I'm going to hold a workshop in California on January in 2009, and I'm going to ask him to be a guest speaker. He's got a wealth of knowledge and experience to share ...and I can finally forgive him.

Coincidentally, Spin called me tonight. And he apologized sincerely for the events of long ago. It seems as though he's been doing a lot of thinking and he seems to have matured further than I had expected him to. I'm going to speak to him tomorrow night to get right down to business about the workshop. We're moving forward and letting bygones be bygones.

Truly forgiving someone for their trespasses against you is as hard as forgiving yourself. At the same time, it's so easy if you can just let go of the all the falseness in life that your ego creates... if you just let yourself forgive.

Explore compassion. Compassion liberates.

A Matter of Taste

I won't ever be able to sarge and successfully pick up any given woman I set my eyes on. That's impossible. I once held a belief that if you're adaptable enough with your game such a feat would be possible, but that's bullshit.

As I've learned from various pickup sources, learning game isn't about adding on additional layers to yourself. Instead, it's about peeling away the layers that stifle your core. In the end you will want to fully enable yourself into expressing your true core and core intent in an eloquently expressive fashion. This method of learning and practicing the art of pickup (Natural Game) is rooted in the premise that women are naturally attracted to who you truly are on the inside by default; basically, that "being yourself" is the most effective key in seduction.

Layers that stifle your core can include things like limiting beliefs, bad body language habits, inner demons from past trauma, ego, etc. There are millions of things that can stifle you. Being stifled is having any inhibitions from expressing your true self. On the stage, being stifled is letting anything hold you back from skillfully expressing your true current emotional state (or whatever you're trying to communicate) in most sincere and effective way possible.

If you learn to love yourself, to not take yourself for granted, other people will love you, too. As human beings we are all able to relate to each other in some way, but we all have these layers that stifle us from seeing that. Instead, the best we could possibly do without achieving full godly enlightenment is to find certain parts of ourselves that align with certain parts of other people. This is why it is actually possible to not be someone's "type." Everyone is stifled in some way that blocks them from being able to fully relate to certain people that are stifled in some other way.

This is why, no matter how much I strip myself of my stifling layers, I will not be able to seduce any woman in the world. People in general will become attached to some of their stifling layers, creating a phenomenon called "taste." Sure, I will most certainly increase the amount of "types" of women that will be attracted to me by peeling away these layers of mine, but there will always be some women that do not share the same taste as I do. Some women will always not be my "type."

If I never learned to peel away these layers, if I never learned to love myself, essentially no one could really love me. It would be very difficult to generate any attraction within any woman. It really is great to expand that pool of people that CAN fall in love with you, though, by learning the way of the PUA... but in reality can someone with the ability to attract and seduce any woman anywhere really exist? I think not.

I came to this realization while I was playing along to some songs on my guitar just now. When I was a kid I had this dream to be a great singer/guitarist. However, I've always hated my voice. It brought me down to think that I could never win the hearts of music fans with singing talent, even though I rock at guitar.

I then thought about what almost every experienced singer has told me, though. They all echo something along the lines of, "good singing is all about falling in love with your own voice." It's like game. Anyone who hates their voice will sound terrible to others, and will not be able to give a good performance. Anyone who does love their own voice, however, will always be able to captivate the ears of some types of people.

Think about all the famous voices you've ever heard, and all the bands that you love to listen to. I'm sure you know some people that hate some of these singers, and plenty of people that love them. The same goes for a pickup artist; some types of women will throw their panties off in a heartbeat for some pure expressions of Don Juanery while some types of women will be turned off by the same pickup by the same PUA.

The universal attraction switches are still valid, as are the universal rules of music theory. Music theory dictates what sounds good and what sounds bad to an extent, but it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. Pickup theories dictate what is attractive and what isn't to an extent, but, again, it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. You can follow the rules to dramatically increase your effectiveness in giving a great performance, but you can never win em all.

But who the hell actually cares about winning them all? A "real" musician doesn't concern himself with fame and fortune. Musicians who let their egos get the best of them end up recording a really shitty second album. All that real musicians care about is finding the best and most artistic way to express what they're really feeling. They want to reach the audience that they can relate to the most on the deepest level possible, and so should the pickup artist. Doing so brings a deep sense of fulfillment like no other. This is why so many pickup gurus stress the importance of finding out what exactly you're looking for in a woman because you're exhaustively wasting time and energy if you're trying to focus on attracting ALL women in general.

Find your style, your genre, your target audience. It's all about finding yourself.