PERMANENT MOVE

I moved my blog!

chiefpua.com

That's the new site! Be sure to bookmark it. ;)

New updates will be posted there and this is the last post you will ever read on this page. See you there!

Chief

Half-Year Relationship Update

It's been nearly 6 months since I started dating this girl. I have learned a lot so far seeing as this has been the most serious exclusive relationship I've ever been in. I think it has a lot to do with the fact with me learning beforehand that 1. you only grow if you do something you're uncomfortable doing/afraid to do and 2. it's foolish to close your heart and to stop yourself from fully loving someone.

I learned the first point about getting out of your comfort zone from the PUA community. It's been drilled in my head by every guru and that philosophy propelled me forward to make progress in several if not all areas of my life. Most of all it has helped me develop my character and soul to be worthy of respect. I decided to jump into this exclusive relationship so deeply because, as a PUA, I've had a fear of committing myself to just one woman, to love her with all my heart and to put all my investments into one stock. When I was an AFC, this sort of all-or-nothing mentality hurt me many times over and over again, but I knew things would be different in some way(s) if I took that same path that I learned to fear, knowing what I know now.

Well, it turns out I was right (so far). I definitely grew and learned a lot already, and I know more is to come. It's definitely useful to learn how to "diversify your portfolio" and use pickup skills to fill your life with many women, but to learn the lessons of the next phase - to give a relationship with someone you love everything you've got - is equally useful for personal development and fulfillment.

This relationship has given me the opportunity to dig up and face some inner demons of mine that I've conveniently tucked away while being a PUA. There's only so many issues you can address and fix if you're playing around with multiple partners while avoiding serious relationships. The pursuit of INNER GAME, or as others might call enlightenment, self-actualization, fulfillment, whatever, can only be realized if you experience the balance of both the player lifestyle and then the serious exclusive lover role.

The most recent lesson I've realized is this...

Having a woman in your life might feel tough sometimes, but it just feels tough because she's making sure you stay true to who you are, that you don't lose your drive to chase what you really want. You're not yourself if you're being lazy, and you deserve better than not moving forward in life.

You don't get that if you have many women in your life who are far less emotionally intimate with you.

More to come later...

-Chief

Lessons from a happy relationship

I've been fairly inactive in the pickup community these past few months because I've been involved in a relationship that evolved into a serious, exclusive relationship full of passion and commitment from what started off as just a simple open relationship. This has been, so far, the most serious LTR I've ever been in, and I'm learning a lot of things that I never learned as a pickup artist who had more temporary relations with multiple women.

As I learned and practiced pickup artistry over the course of nearly a decade, I have eventually discovered that most of what works best in seduction can be boiled down to a number of key concepts. These concepts include, but are not limited to: honesty, sincerity, a true lack of insecurity (aka confidence developed from seriously resolving your internal issues instead of just "faking it til you make it"), and clear communication. I feel as if these good lessons I learned as a seducer prepared me for this LTR because, as fate would have it, all of those qualities I have listed above seem to make up the core foundation of a healthy, loving relationship.

I see a lot of guys struggling in their relationships with their girlfriends because they lack one or more of those qualities in either themselves or within their relationship(s). I see questions posted like "What if your girlfriend notices that there is something wrong with you?" and I really don't understand why they can't just have a frank discussion about whatever concerns come up between the two of them. I see other guys giving advice like "If your girlfriend did ___, then you should flirt with other women to make her jealous," and I really don't understand why they're playing those power games when relationships shouldn't be about power. I understand that women get equally shitty advice from their girly magazines and unenlightened girl friends, but the overall lack of honesty and open communication in so many relationships I see is astounding. And horrifying. Honestly, I would expect more from a group of men who studied pickup. I would expect them to have overcome many of their insecurities, but they are still letting their insecurities guide their thoughts and decisions.

I learned from Buddhism that relationships should be about "we," like a coming together of two minds into one, rather than about "I" or "me" and "he/she" or "him/her."

To strive toward the goal of "we," I began my current relationship with a very simple idea, and that idea was to have complete open and honest communication with my girlfriend. Initially, it was a bit of a struggle to get to that point as we both had some insecurities to work out in order to feel comfortable with the idea of telling each other everything. Fortunately, though, neither of us had any serious fucked up issues that prevented us from eventually getting to that point. Most people don't.

What bloomed from the seed of that simple idea turned out to become the backbone of an inevitably strong relationship. It's rather obvious, really. The clearer and more frequent the communication between two people, the more "right" everything in their relationship becomes. Some people fear that revealing all of the cards in your hand will result in some sort of loss like in a poker game. However, a healthy relationship shouldn't be a game of boyfriend versus girlfriend, right? I say that better communication leads to a more "right" relationship because, first of all, it would naturally aid in conflict resolution and, second of all, it would bring to light the potential conflicts that will otherwise become a slowly damaging poison to the relationship if left as the ignored elephant in the room. Open and honest communication will bring to light those conflicts both solvable and potentially unsolvable, giving both partners a better point of assessment on which to base their individual and collective decisions.

Most of the problems that I've seen in unhappy relationships seem to stem from a lack of communication, whether it's a failure of communicating and managing expectations or an insecurity creating a fear of communicating something. This is why I believe that good communication is the most important aspect of a relationship, as it has so far proven to me to be almost a magic bullet that can shoot down practically any obstacle that stands between you and your partner, provided that both you and your partner are mature enough to know how to really listen to one another.

With all of that said, why do some people "stonewall" their partners by closing the doors of communication whenever problems arise? The truth is, a lot of people don't recognize that having the short term comfort of avoiding conflict is not worth the price of the long term damage it can do. Some people are too insecure to reveal their true selves and their true desires. Some people haven't developed the necessary listening skills to know how to use communication in a highly beneficial way. And then there are some people who don't know how to feel inspired enough to break through their own stubborn comfort zones for the sake of having healthy relationships with their loved ones. Whatever the case is, in the end none of us should make excuses. The benefits of having great communication with your partner are too great to not take advantage of.

My girlfriend and I see pretty eye-to-eye and we now tend to "stay on the same page" with each other, but she also thinks that this is a matter of luck, and in a way she's right. If you don't meet someone with a communication style that matches yours, an attempt at having completely open and honest communication could end up in a series of never-ending fights. However, having great communication also entails great listening skills, patience, and putting your ego aside. These are all skills that can be developed, and so I believe it doesn't have to be a matter of luck, at least not as much as most people would imagine.

Having such a great relationship so far has given me a lot of perspective on what's really important, and I'm nothing but excited to learn more. It has given me the chance to be very optimistic about my girlfriend and I enriching each other's lives, and to continue enriching each other's lives for a potentially long time to come. For all of you reading this, may you have happy relationships with great communication, and I hope you all reap the same benefits I have had so far.

-Chief

Ask Chief: Conversational Transitions

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about transitioning from one conversational topic to the next. Specifically, the question is about my style of how to make good conversation with women, which is all about knowing what you seek in women and finding out everything you can about the personality of the woman you're talking to in order to see if she's right for you. "Riter" asks:

How would you transition the conversation? For example, if I want to know if she is outgoing and then later in the conversation I would like to know if she is kind? Basically, transitioning is where I am concerned because sometimes I stay on one topic and I perceive it as dragged out.

There is no one right answer to this question. Different PUAs have different conversational styles, and they would all sound different even if they were all to use my basic conversational framework.

For example, Juggler tells people that "the best transition is no transition." In the context of routines, he tells people to not worry about transitioning from routine to routine and just go onto the next one even if it seems abrupt. You can pull this off by jumping from one conversational topic to the next even if it doesn't feel "smooth" as long as you make that your style.

On the other hand, you've got teachers like Mystery telling people about multi-threading - to start talking about one thing, cutting it off in the middle, starting a new topic, cutting it off in the middle, starting a new topic, and so on and so forth. It might be difficult for a man to maintain his sanity with this conversational style, but it is the language of women.

What I like to do is to continue diving deeper and deeper. I might ask a woman one simple, shallow question like where her hometown is or what her dream was when she was a kid, then I'd continue talking about her while steering the conversation in a very emotional direction. Along the way of finding out deeper things about her on the same topic of her childhood dream job, I will likely find out other things about her, ask her things only somewhat related to the main topic but more related to something else, etc. If I were to visually represent how this system of conversational transitions looks, it would probably look like a tree with a shit ton of long branches and heavy roots. It's almost like you're leading her into telling a very interesting story, and you're showing her how to tell a story in an interesting way. It might help to look up some resources on effective story-telling. This way should make the two of you feel like things are not being dragged out. You're talking about the same topic but you're not talking about the same topic at the same time.

If you're trying to use my style, you'll know that you're doing it right when she's telling you her most intimate secrets.

My open relationship

Among all the girls I've been seeing, there's one who seemed to be more special to me than the rest in a way that made me feel more romantically connected to her. Earlier this week, I started an open relationship with her.

You all know the rules of that game. In an open relationship, both people are free to see other people when the boyfriend or girlfriend is not around. Sounds pretty awesome, right?

I'm not sure if I want to take advantage of this blessed situation I'm in by continuing to see and bone a bunch of other girls. Since I've actually got the freedom to see other girls while I'm dating this one, I don't feel any pressure of being "tied down" or whatnot. So far I haven't felt any inclination toward fucking other girls. Maybe I just have a problem with feeling not free, and I've found a special girl who lets me feel free.

It still feels rather strange to say "my girlfriend" since I'm so used to just playing around and living the awesome single life, but I'm sure it will start feeling alright eventually, right?

-Chief

A Whole New World!

Sometimes, this song plays in my head whenever a Korean girl who has lived within the constraints of conservative Confucianism her whole life is touched by the seductive magic of my comparatively uninhibited and wild ways of living. I feel like Aladdin taking a trapped princess on a magic carpet ride of fun that no traditional Korean man can ever take her on. This song is so hilariously fitting that I think I'll just learn how to sing this song and belt it out loud whenever I meet a girl who's never been outside of this country before... if I can find a magic carpet or something functionally similar.

The proudest achievement of any sort of artist would be showing someone their world in an aesthetic manner that inspires. A pickup artist, of course, is no exception to this nature of artistry. Every seduction is a work of art that should aim to inspire in some way; that is what separates the pickup artist from the frustrated playboy who desperately seeks happiness and meaning between the legs of countless women who cannot fill the hole left in his heart by some childhood rejection. The artist seeks to give while the player seeks to take.

You have to understand that women all around the world - not just those living in more conservative cultures - live under unjust constraints to restrict them from expressing themselves sexually and fully. This is even truer in places like Korea where even college-age women are expected to return home to mommy and daddy by dinnertime lest they face harsh scoldings. Even so, we shouldn't lose sight of the double standards like the Madonna/whore complex that exist nearly everywhere. Being a woman anywhere can't be all that different from being Princess Jasmine, locked away in her castle every day, shielded from all the influences of the big bad world out there.

I've met some women in Korea who seemed to genuinely prefer their safe prison of conservative culture. That is to say, I've still never met any woman who wasn't a religious fanatic who genuinely wanted to save her virginity for marriage, but there are still those who comfortably allow their fear of social judgment to dictate their sex lives in some way or another. A lot of women, however, carry a deep and natural resentment for the oppressive forces that society has given them from birth. These are the women who really rightly want a magic penis-I-mean-CARPET ride. They are sick and tired of never having been truly free to live "dangerously." Sometimes, they feel sick and tired of SOMETHING but they don't even realize what it is they are sick and tired of.

Seduction is a magic carpet ride because you're giving the woman a chance to see this whole new world of freedom that you, as a man, has had the privilege of living in your whole life. Because you were born with a penis, no one's going to resentfully call you a slut just because people found out that you had sex with a random person. No one's going to resentfully call you a cold-hearted ice queen when people notice that you DON'T have sex. You've got the freedom to do whatever the hell you want sexually without ever having a taste of the frigid judgment from society that women get for even having the "wrong" thoughts.

Notice how Aladdin enticed her into getting on the magic carpet with just a few, simple words that didn't really promise too much and seemed to have very little consequence. Notice how Aladdin and Jasmine are sharing this magical experience together with no other audience to see them. The gradual escalation of seduction, discretion, and ultimately inspiration is what makes this song seem so much like me, an American PUA, seducing a Korean woman, or any woman for that matter.

Seduction is an opportunity for a woman to have some private space to just be herself. It's a chance she rarely ever gets, especially if she comes from a more conservative background. In order for a woman to be able to feel this way with you, you need to be expressively nonjudgmental, unquestionably discreet, and naturally sexual. Only then will you be able to show her this whole new world. lol

-Chief

Ask Chief: Cultural Stereotypes

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about seduction in different countries. "Little Panda" asks:

Should you adapt to a culture you're just being introduced to, according to the stereotypical way women's mentality works? So for example, somebody visiting Korea might have heard that women are usually sexually repressed and therefore can't handle the kind of game the person in question is playing. 

Is it now better for the person to attempt changing his game, just so he can adapt to this 'culture' which is just a stereotype - or should stereotypes like as such not be taken too much in consideration? 

Because every time I talk to my friends about visiting a certain country, they all seem to have an already established image/stereotype of the women there. 

"Oh dude, you should totally not go there. Women are so much harder to game in country X than they are in country Y . . ." - Which generally annoys me because it all sounds like bullshit and I don't believe you should adapt your game to a whole culture based on rumors/stereotypes, but rather the specific woman you're gaming. 

When I first came to Korea, I ignored cultural differences and just thought "game is game no matter where you go." While that's true to an extent, ignoring cultural differences is foolish.

I only got so far by trying to push forward with what I've always done. Korean girls already expected that I would be different from the Korean guys since I'm a foreigner, so I got a lot of leeway for my "unusual" behavior, but I was still hitting some roadblocks. For example, I think that using the same indirect game I used in America resulted in a ton of more pointless lost time and effort, so I adapted by being more direct.

If you want the best results, you have to adapt to your circumstances. With that said, however, I'd say that your friends are wrong to say that women are "harder" to game in a certain country compared to another country - the game is just different in some ways.

The thing that frustrates me the most about women in Korea is that they're generally less sexually experienced and also generally more sexually conservative. That makes it more inconvenient for me when I'm trying to use some sexual framing and whatnot, but it still works as long as I approach it from a different angle. Sometimes, I still revert back to my default sexualization game here out of laziness and I feel like it's "harder" to game in Korea, but that's not necessarily true.

Even the cultural difference of Korean women being generally less sexually experienced than American women can be a non-issue if you change up your game a little bit, and in some ways it can make seduction even easier (yet still more difficult if I just did what I usually did in America). For example, if I play up the frame that I'm safely "guiding" her and showing her this whole new world of perverse freedom within a nonjudgmental bubble, it works better than if I'd try it on a more experienced American girl. In America, more often than not I treated women like sexual equals who can keep up with me in bed. That frame isn't as relevant with the women I've met here in Korea, though.

It's not so much the stereotypes you should concern yourself with, but the real cultural differences that PUAs in that country will tell you about. The average stereotype you hear around may be true or false when it comes down to it. Knowing which ones are true and which ones are false will also be very useful. Also keep in mind that actually believing in the wrong stereotypes will greatly hinder you like a limiting belief. You do, however, need to at least be aware of how the culture affects social scripts.

Making her chase you?

Some guys like to "flip the script" by trying to make the girl chase them instead of showing direct interest. It might sound good in theory, but what's going to happen when you actually try to get together with a girl who's chasing you like mad? I'll tell you what: she's going to lose interest because she's "caught" you and you're no longer a challenge.

How many times have you had a girl absolutely crushing over you, only to make a complete 180 degree turn as soon as you decide to reciprocate some interest? One moment you're stringing her along with cocky lines and feigned disinterest and she's hounding you with delicious attention and affection. The next moment you think "She's showing interest in me! I can now safely ask her out with no chance of getting my feelings hurt from rejection!" So you show some interest back and you ask her out. And she says "no" because now you've taken away the thrill of the chase.

Why do so many guys try to adapt this style of seduction into their game? Well, it sure as hell feeds your ego even if you aren't actually getting anything out of it.

When it comes to the world of dating and seduction, more often than not you're going to have to make a choice between your ego and actual success. Think about what guys normally do to boost their own egos, and how those actions affect the women they're involved with. John goes around bragging about how he fucked Jane in the club bathroom last night; Jane feels betrayed, people end up calling her a slut, and other girls now know better than to do any dirty things with John! One of the biggest reasons I ask girls to keep everything between me and them a secret just between me and them is that the smarter girls know that they have to keep their reputations in check.

We all want to feel wanted and there's no denying that. The fact of the matter is that some of us start using pickup techniques in hopes of just getting more attention from women regardless of other potential benefits like sex, romance, companionship, etc. In the end, though, would any of us be satisfied with just getting attention? If you get girls chasing you all the time, there's no doubt that you'll be disappointed when they run the other way as soon as you make yourself available to them. Spare yourself the pointless high school mind games and play the real game. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking the classically masculine role of being aggressive and chasing after what (who) you want. You might think that trying to make a girl chase you is a neat way to avoid that nasty "rejection" thing, but think again. The more you try to avoid risk, the less reward you'll get. Risks are opportunities.

-Chief

Frustrated with pickup?

If you're anything like me, you've tried so many pickup and seduction methods that it all feels like hard work. It also feels like you're putting in a ton of effort while getting a lot less progress and results than you expected. It's really quite frustrating at times.

If you've read my review on 60 Years of Challenge, then you already have pretty decent idea of how his method makes pickup practically effortless. I'm endorsing 60YOC because I really do believe that his work is a milestone in the pickup community and even renders a lot of the mainstream methods obsolete. Click here to check out his stuff if you haven't already. This material makes pickup EASY.

In other news, I'll soon be releasing an audio program of my very own. For those of you who like my fun and straightforward style of game, this will be a very exciting thing to look forward to! I plan on making it as comprehensive as possible to deliver a whole bootcamp within a home study course. Like I said about my previous workshops that I've held in the US, YOU WILL BE LIVING AND BREATHING GAME. Watch this space.

For now, I think you'll be very happy with what 60 Years of Challenge has to offer. Check him out!

-Chief

Ask Chief: Being Called a Player

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about being called a "player" by girls. "Chris2k10" asks:

Are you supposed to avoid coming off as a player? What messes me up the most is the player vibe even though the girl knows she's really attracted to me. My current and only solution for this is, "If you say so" with a humble smile on. What's your insight on this, should I handle it differently or what?

Different styles work better for some people than others. Has your "If you say so" + humble smile response ever gotten in the way of a lay? I like the sound of it.

You also have to keep in mind that every girl is different, too. Some are more open to the idea of playing with a player but others have repeatedly gotten hurt from playing with other players in the past. One of the things I say is "I don't play people," and I'm congruent with that since my style tends to be more straightforward.

When you're a little deeper into mid-game, though, exposing vulnerabilities should render all of those "player" accusations as irrelevant anyway.

Korean Inhibitions

As some of you may already know, I've recently been hired into the Korea branch of PUA Training by the Korea-famous PUA Alexikakos, who shall later be translating this article into Korean for the Korean bootcamp students. Although I'm there to help out on the bootcamps taught in English for the foreign students, I've had the opportunity to observe and work with some Korean students as well.

I've never been officially employed by any real pickup company before this, but I still have plenty of experience teaching and coaching countless guys in America become successful with women. Guys who need to learn pickup from all cultures all have essentially the same types of problems; everyone needs more confidence, everyone needs to learn how to be less sexually judgmental, everyone needs to work on body language, everyone needs a better abundance mentality and internal locus of control, etc. The main difference between different cultures, though, is that the average guy from one culture may need to work more in one area than an average guy from another culture.

An important factor to look at when comparing Korea to western cultures such as that of America is the fact that Korea leans more toward collectivism. Koreans value social harmony and they don't really like standing out from the crowd, at least compared to Americans. As a result, Korean guys tend to be less outspoken and more shy.

The problem of being shy for a Korean man isn't as simple as him just feeling disinclined to approach women. That's just one of many symptoms of a deeper issue. As I was trying to train one of the Korean students in field during a bootcamp, I started off by trying to get him out of his comfort zone by playing a game with him. I went out with him to the middle of the dancefloor where everyone could see us. I then told him to copy exactly what I did. I proceeded to do some silly things such as jumping around like an idiot. If you're already familiar with pickup, you would know that this sort of exercise would help you get out of shell and thus perform better in field.

This student, however, was what you might call "stifled." He was supposed to copy exactly what I did, but if I jumped two feet into the air, he would only jump up a few inches. He was far too worried about what other people might think of him. Now, I know what you might be thinking. EVERYONE who's trying to learn pickup has this problem. They are self-conscious and inside their own heads way too much. While that may be true, it's certainly more pronounced in Korean men. The fear of going against social convention here can be greater than the fear of being raped by a big black guy. If being gay were the hip new trend in Korea, all the men here would try to become gay. We can already observe this trend in Korea as many Korean men carry purses and wear makeup. Look at the male Korean pop groups and tell me that they don't look like little girls.

Straight Korean men would rather look like these gay dandy boys than go against social convention. I think that proves how powerful the collectivist influence can be in this country.

Getting back to the point, it's not just that these guys are shy. It's a lot more than that. Korean men - and this is probably true for most Asian men as well - mostly grew up in a way that restricts self-expression. The pickup arts, like any other art, is all about self-expression. No matter which way you slice it, you need to know how to express yourself confidently and unapologetically in order to do pickup right. It's going to be very difficult for a girl to like and trust anyone who always seems like he's trying to hide something, and that's exactly what these men are doing. They are trying to hide themselves.

If I'm describing you in the above paragraphs I've written, then you need to take some action to free yourself from fear and to peel away the socially imposed layers of shame that hinder your self-expression.

This issue is a matter of both inner and outer game, but like all things in pickup it's mostly about habits. You can waste your days away with affirmations and other mental masturbation exercises like that if you want, but if you want to make some real changes then you need to start changing your behavioral habits.

The issue of being stifled and limiting your self-expression isn't one simple behavioral habit, however. It's something that's manifested in basically everything that you do. It's an attitude that doesn't fear embarrassment, values the fundamental concept of expression of self (rather than trying to make an impression of someone else), and is far more concerned with what you think of others than with what others might be thinking of you.

Next time you go out, I want you to be thinking about whether or not your actions are a full expression of yourself of if you're holding yourself back just because you don't want to stand out from the crowd. If you catch yourself making the mistake of inhibiting your self-expression, then do whatever it takes to express what you really wanted to express! Make it a habit of acting more on your impulses and that will eventually translate into a more effective pickup.

-Chief

Ask Chief: Sexual Framing

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. I'd like to start sharing these questions and answers with you here! Here's a question about sexual framing. "Jimbob30" asks:

So basically, I open direct. Day game BTW. Something along the lines of "Hey how you doin. Wow, you have some beautiful eyes! They're not contacts are they?"

What do I say after that to frame the convo sexually? I know I can throw in the Strawberry fields & misinterpretation further into the convo, but what do I say before then?

The creative possibilities are endless.

When I was trying to get used to sexual framing back in the day, someone gave me some valuable advice: put your mind in the gutter.

I don't know where you're from but "Get your mind out of the gutter" is a common American saying that means "stop thinking like a sexual animal."

If you start trying to think of everything in a perverted way, you'll eventually get very skilled at putting a sexual spin on everything that cums your way, which is essentially sexual framing.

Like most guys, you're probably not used to doing this. Society conditions us to associate shame with our sexual thoughts. As a result, most guys suppress these thoughts; no one wants to be the bad guy! The way I see it, though, shame is the bigger sin here.

So, what words should you say? Once you get used to thinking sexually, you'll master sexual framing. Memorizing lines is not the answer. It misses the point of the art entirely. Penis.

A New Direction

I've come to realize something about myself.

I am not a sex addict. Not even close.

I've taken the past few days to take a break from girls and dating and pickup in order to give myself a chance to do some self-reflection.

In all my years of doing this whole pickup artist thing, there have certainly been times where I used girls for sex just to feel good, and they've used me the same ways and for the same reasons, too. I don't like that shit; I guess I never have liked that. The Buddha teaches to not use people, and for good reason. Humans should be treated like humans.

There have also been times where girls and I felt a genuine connection, and we used sex as an expression of what we felt for each other. This is good. I like that shit. I didn't even get into pickup just for sex. Hell, I was just 14 years old at the time. All I wanted was an escape from loneliness.

There's a lesson I've learned more than once: I enjoy sex a lot more if I wait a little while, and I enjoy it less if we have sex quickly and without a real connection. I now know why this is the case.

I'm freeing myself from the dehumanization of counting lays and viewing women as a means to achieve pleasure. Instead, I'll do what Zan Perrion does. Out of any pickup guru the Seduction Community has to offer, he is the one that you can truly call a "lover," at least from what I've learned from him.

Women are beautiful and absolutely wonderful; I really appreciate everything they offer in my life and I am not going to let myself treat them as anything less than human. So, I will no longer seduce them just for the sake of the seduction. I won't go for a lay for the sake of the lay. I'll just seduce them if I really like them.

I guess that means I'm at where I wanted to be all along with all this pickup stuff. Awesome.

-Chief

I'm Single Again!

I just got out of the best relationship ever. It lasted a year and she was an amazing girlfriend, though I wasn't exactly the best boyfriend. Our relationship ran its course, as all things do, and I will always remember it as a great experience with treasured memories.

So... I'm back in the game, guys and girls. Watch out, because I did NOT get rusty. ;)

Managing Expectations for FWB Relationship

Managing Expectations: The process of making sure that the girl you are seducing doesn't expect more than you're willing to offer. For example, making sure that a girl doesn't expect marriage when all you're looking for is a one night stand.

FWB: Friend With Benefits.

The first layer of my process of managing expectations is something I've already posted in my Outer Game thread here: http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/chiefs-guide-to-outer-game-vt75887.html

" As a practitioner of the pickup arts you have an obligation to try your best to adhere to the rule of "Leave her better than you found her." Different people have different interpretations of this phrase, but regardless of how you see it, you need to manage expectations properly in order stay consistent with that rule.

Another big reason to manage expectations properly is to quickly cut through bullshit that wastes your time and to prevent drama. So it's really better for everyone. Don't be afraid of losing a girl if she's strictly looking for a relationship while you're just looking to get laid with no strings attached. There are plenty of beautiful women who will fuck just for a good fuck, and they won't try to attach all those strings to you if you don't want them.

So, how do we manage expectations properly? It's simple, really:

Tell her what you're looking for, or tell her what you're not looking for.

For example, if you're not looking for a relationship, one "I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to have fun for now!" will suffice. If you actually are in this for a girlfriend, one "I'm looking to meet the right girl" will do just fine. Squeeze one of those types of lines into your conversation somewhere that's contextually relevant.

Sure, if you happen to have a random drunk hookup with a girl from the bar or club, most of the time it will be understood by both parties that it was just a drunk hookup and nothing more. Still, though, always manage expectations as a rule of thumb. Make your intentions clear as soon as you feel that spark of electric sexual tension in the air between you and her.

Being honest will never compromise your seduction as long as you remain consistently honest. Besides, this model of seduction isn't based on "value" like some other methods, so you have no reason to be dishonest in the first place when you're using this stuff.

Oh, and if you're still unsure about what you're looking for (girlfriend, fuck buddies, friends with benefits, one night stands, multiple wives, dominatrix mistress, etc.), figure it out first. How are you supposed to be upfront with your intentions if you don't know what the hell your intentions are in the first place? Don't be a blind guy flailing around in the dark. Man up and shoot straight. "

...but that's not the end of it. There are more layers to it, and it involves some heavy frame control. I didn't post this process in full detail in my Outer Game thread because this is specifically tailored to establish a "friends with benefits" relationship while my Outer Game thread is for general purposes. So, if you want FWBs, read on.

First off, what's the difference between a Friend With Benefits and a Fuck Buddy? There's a fine line between FWB and FB, but in my opinion they are different. A Fuck Buddy type of relationship is primarily built on no-strings-attached sex with little or no regard to building a genuine human-to-human connection, but a FWB is someone you actually care about as a friend. You see her as a friend first and a sex partner second. You share a limited amount of emotional connection and intimacy as any two good friends would. If you stop having sex (benefits) with her, you're still friends. Sound good? Having both your need for affection and your need for sex fulfilled without commitment is pretty excellent. Sure, it's not as deep and meaningful as an exclusive LTR but you get the chance to fill your life with female friends who fuck you. More abundance leads to a better position in life and a greater immunity to oneitis. So, without further ado, the following is my multi-layered method of managing expectations to make a wonderful FWB relationship with the girls you seduce.

Layer 1: Verbal statement

See above quote.

Layer 2: Establishing the roles

While the first layer of my expectations management involved an explicit verbal statement at the first sign of some strong sexual tension, the second layer is all about the roles you play and frame control after you have sex. The frame you establish will assign the roles that the two of you will play within the interaction(s) you share.

If you establish a frame of exclusive lovers, the two of you will play the boyfriend/girlfriend roles. In plain English, if you behave like a boyfriend, she's going to start seeing you as a boyfriend. If you treat her like your girlfriend, she's going to start seeing herself as your girlfriend. This is, unfortunately for you, a pretty standard frame that you're going to fall into if you don't do something about it. Being affectionate like an exclusive lover comes pretty naturally, and that might send her the wrong message.

You're going to operate from a drastically different frame and play different roles here. Using frame control, you're essentially going to put a cap on how much "attraction" she feels for you so that things don't go in the LTR direction. How would we pull that off? It's quite simple, really. Trigger her maternity instincts.

A competent man makes the perfect husband. You don't want an LTR, so don't play the role of a competent man. Triggering her maternity instincts is as simple as controlling the frame by playing the role of an incompetent boy. Let her take care of you by getting her to help you with menial shit like laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, money matters, and other daily chores. Have her take care of you if you get sick and show her how weak and pathetic you can be. Rely on her like a mommy. Do you have a good friend that you ask for advice and help on simple matters like this? Treat her like that friend.

No girl wants to be in a relationship with a guy who can't even take care of himself, but they love taking care of kids. Triggering her maternity instincts kills any chances for romantic love to blossom. Romantic love bad. Friends who care about each other good.

On top of establishing a frame that triggers her maternity instincts, you'll want to keep a safe emotional distance from her so that things don't get too intimate. Don't get too personal about discussing your/her feelings and shit. Keep the friendship as casual and cool as possible without devolving it to "acquaintances." Cuddling is fine, but don't overdo it. Be nice to her; don't forget that she's your friend.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

Layer 3: Solidifying the frame

This layer goes back to the mid-game, but also plays into the post-game like the previous layer. You will want to reinforce the we-are-friends-who-just-happen-to-have-sex-from-time-to-time-with-no-strings-attached frame with implicit verbal expressions.

At some point in your mid-game, you may find an opportunity or two to express your views on relationships and etc. If you don't find one, make one. When my friend taught me how to play pool, he told me "there's always a shot," meaning that there is always a way to sink one of your balls into a pocket on any given turn. This is true for shit in pickup as well. There is always an opportunity for talking about sex and relationships, escalation, kino, framing, or even the right neg if need be. Seduction is a blank canvas and you are the painter.

When expressing your views, be sure to mention the right views that will further manage her expectations. I might say something like, "Yeah, I think everyone in the world just needs to have way more sex with more people without worrying so much about exclusive relationships all the time." That, of course, is an extreme example, though. Calibrate according to your situation.

"Don't you hate it when a guy you only met recently becomes so attached and obsessed with you just because you fucked him or even just gave him a smile? It's like he desperately wants to be your boyfriend. I don't do relationships because that kinda shit just creeps me out." You get the idea. Use your imagination.

After sex, I like to give hints that she should have an active sex life outside of our own fun encounters. I do this because: 1. Actually having sex with people other than me will dramatically decrease her chances of wanting to be exclusive with me and 2. It reinforces the message that you don't want to be exclusive with her. "So, you meet any cute guys when you went out last night?" I might ask something like this in a way a curious gossipy friend might ask.

Where to go from here

All in all, a FWB situation is pretty baller. Of course, as a rule of thumb you should aim to have more than just one FWB in your rotation. Furthermore, it's easy to ease out of a good FWB relationship back into a "just friends" sort of situation if you don't want to fuck her anymore. All you have to do is play up Layer 2, not have sex with her, and still be there for her as a friend. The FWB status is also good because you can easily get into an exclusive relationship with one of your girls if you find yourself falling for her or whatnot. All you have to do is frame control to switch roles from incompetent boy to romantic lover. And, you'll know your feelings for her are genuine and not based on oneitis because you have other girls in your rotation. This shit is so full of win it's not even funny.

As a final piece of awesomeness, I shall leave you with this: http://smokingkillsme.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/34j3rzm.jpg

Comfort Manipulation (Online, Text, and Phone Game)

Think you got the perfect text game? Phone game? ONLINE GAME?

Think again.

Every interaction you have with a woman is going to further establish a comfort zone for both you and her - especially her - within the frame of the interaction you make. The more you interact with her through a certain medium of communication, the more she'll be accustomed to interacting with you through that very medium. On top of that, she's going to feel less inclined to interact with you in any other way.

Now, what does this mean in plain English? It means if you keep talking to her through the internet, text, or phone call, she will NOT want to meet you face to face. The more you do it, the less she'll want to meet you.

I know you're scared. We're all scared of something. I know that you're scared of actually putting yourself out there and risking some real face to face rejection. If you get ignored online, you can take it and it's no big deal. Well, you're being a fucking pussy and you won't get anywhere with that kind of scared attitude. You signed up to play this game and you should have known that this shit was for big boys. SBAP

Since the name of the game is seduction, interacting with women face to face is ideal because you can't fuck an online username or a phone number. You don't want to go and make her too comfortable with talking to you through just text. Manipulating this "text comfort" to your advantage is quite simple. All you have to do is limit the text-based communication between you and her as much as possible. Use it only for logistical purposes like arranging a face to face meetup. Don't bother trying to create attraction or whatnot through a text or phone call because there's actually more opportunities to fuck things up when the interaction isn't face to face. She can take a "hello" over text message in a million different ways and you aren't there to control the frame with body language, facial expressions, state transfer, etc. All other variables excluded, the chance that she'll read your message in a bad way is just as high as the chance she'll read it in the way you want her to.

You want her to feel the most comfortable interacting with you face to face. Open up and let her feel good when you're face to face and make texts and online chats feel somewhat like a freeze-out. Phone calls are a gray area since voice tone comes into play, but play it safe and play the game when you can actually see and touch each other.

Attraction is BULLSHIT

She and I take taxis to bounce to different bars until we find one that's actually open. It's fucking late. During our taxi adventure and our time at this late-night bar, I run all of my best material... but kino escalation is slow and dragging. I eventually end up sitting with my arm around her at the bar, talking to her with our faces very close. By this time I had already done some NLP, I elicited her values, bullshitted some playful palm reading, wrote and drew all over her hands, anchored her core values to me, demonstrated plenty of value, cold read like it was going out of style, exposed vulnerabilities, elicited her vulnerabilities, push-pulled, etc... but apparently NOTHING WAS FUCKING WORKING. I email-closed and number-closed her, but is that really game? Not at this point.

In our rapport building I learned that she broke up with her ex-boyfriend two months ago and she was still hung up about it. She still had a picture of him and her for her cell-phone wallpaper. Sure, I inspired her to change the picture with my routines that have to do with living in the moment, but I still could not kiss-close. I persisted and did the whole 1-step-back then 2-steps-forward thing, but I still could not kiss-close. Nothing was working. I might as well have been talking to a plant.

This is from a Field Report I wrote in 2008 titled "FR: I might as well have been talking to a plant"

This FR was essentially the spark that started the forest fire; it was the beginning of my realization of something BIG.

I didn't immediately realize it at the time, but after that night the thoughts just sat there growing and growing at the back of my mind. At the time of writing of that FR, I had already spent nearly 5 years studying everything that the mainstream PUA community had to offer: Mystery, Style, Ross Jeffries, David Deangelo, Mehow, Hypnotica, Steve P, Carlos Xuma, Gambler, and many, many more. I can't tell you how, but I got my hands on all of the best material from all those gurus.

When it came to attraction, I knew how to do it all. I could tell custom DHV stories, I could microcalibrate to preserve high value, I could cold read like a pro, I could elicit values, I could anchor positive feelings, I could AMOG, I could be C&F, I could push/pull, I could expose vulnerabilities to establish deeper trust while still preserving value... I had a full deck of cards up my sleeve, figuratively speaking. Figuratively? Fuck, I even learned how to read Tarot cards! Needless to say, I could play the game and I could do it damn well... or so I thought.

It took my dumb ass a long time to notice a pattern from all the experiences I've had with women. Things finally clicked when I shifted my focus from the"attraction = value" school of thought to the "attraction = sexual tension/arousal" school of thought.

What did I realize about all those attraction techniques like DHVing and cold reading that I listed above? Well, I realized that...

NONE OF THAT SHIT MATTERED. THEY HAD LITTLE OR NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REASON WHY THOSE WOMEN HAD SEX WITH ME.

I also realized that the things that actually mattered, or the things that actually had any sort of direct relevance to seduction, were very few in number. None of that shit taught by mainstream pickup about attraction actually mattered - they're just there to distract us from simplicity.

Those mainstream techniques tend NOT to address creating sexual tension. Unfortunately, what PUAs should be focusing on is the very sexual tension that DHVs don't address. We're seduced into believing that these attraction techniques will create this "attraction" thing we can barely define, and in the end that attraction is supposed to generate sexual tension on its own somehow, right? Come on! What the fuck! This sounds more like religion than science to me.

What's even worse is that you had the mainstreams teachers telling you that you needed to have mastered their entire system to be a PUA (they called this "solid game"), and to just ignore the one night stands you get when you didn't run your entire routine stack because they are "fool's mate." Please don't tell me how you can't see how ridiculous that is.

Fortunately for me, I eventually found "gurus" that taught the shit that actually had anything to do with actually getting laid. I've heard them referred to as "the sexual tension guys" by some community members. Unfortunately for the community, though, these sexual tension guys - like Gunwitch and 60 Years of Challenge - are NOT mainstream. In fact, those two names are probably THE most mainstream of the sexual tension guys. Ever heard of Aaron Sleazy? No? Yeah, I know. Hey, it's not your fault that these guys never had their own reality show. Fuck you, VH1.

The good news is that even some of the mainstream guys are starting to wise up. Gambler teaches a lot of sexual tension stuff now, and even the MM and MM-related companies are starting to upgrade their shit thanks to the threat of losing business. Those MM guys will probably never admit that most of their material is bullshit, though, and the bullshit will still always be there in the mainstream to distract you from simplicity.

If you ever find yourself getting nowhere with a girl after running routine after routine, technique after technique, that's when you might start to see what I've seen. There's a reason why I barely ever use the word "attraction" anymore. On the other hand, if you have consistently gotten great results from using that shit, awesome. However, consider the possibility that you're getting laid not because of the attraction techniques, but because you're creating sexual tension someway, somehow. Then, get rid of everything that has nothing to do with creating that sexual tension and start focusing on the shit that directly addresses sexual tension and escalation; you'll get the same fucking results - perhaps even better results - and you'll save a shit ton of time and effort.

That FR I wrote in 2008 was the beginning of my awakening, like starting to wake up under that half-sleep-half-conscious state. The final slap in the face that got me fully alert was probably 60 Years of Challenge. Yeah, I know this damn thing sounds like a fucking advertisement now but I'm not trying to make it like that. Sorry if I did.

-Chief

PS Check out my previous blog post if you're curious about that 60 Years of Challenge guy.

60 Years of Challenge

I've been barking through the grapevine lately about how I think 60 Years of Challenge's stuff is the best I've seen since I've been in the PUA/Seduction Community since 2003. A lot of newbies ask, "Who is the best guru?" I tell them, "60 Years of Challenge." They then ask me, "Who wrote that?" I tell them, "No, dude, that's his name. Yeah, it's weird. Don't ask me why he named himself that because I have no idea."

Back in February of 2010, I wrote a review on Vin DiCarlo's ebook "The Attraction Code" and how I thought it was the best ebook on pickup I've ever read. I would say 60's "Complete Game System" pretty much tops that. It's a whole new level.

60 actually gives something new to the community instead of rehashing old ideas from Mystery and David Deangelo like everybody else. His method can be compared with Gunwitch Method, but to me it feels like an upgraded and simpler version. There are many aspects to the method, but they are all incredibly easy to apply and the entire thing can be summed up in one phrase: less is more.

Check out this awesome article that he wrote for a taste: Anti-Manifesto

The Anti-Manifesto will show you just how easy it is for anyone to control sexual tension.

Of course, I applied 60's method for myself. Check out the Lay Report I wrote: LR: I don't like bad boys

It was one of the, if not the, easiest lay I've ever gotten using anything I've learned from the community.

60's material is definitely a major milestone in the pickup community. It's one of those "must reads" you can't miss. And, to be honest, you really won't need to read anything else. Except my blog, of course. ;)

Check out 60 Years of Challenge by clicking here.

-Chief

An Easy Guide to Clothes Shopping

This is a simple guide for men on how to shop smart when shopping for clothes. The goal of this guide is not seduction; the goal is to buy clothes that look good on you.

The most important prerequisite of this guide is to have an open mind about what you might want to wear. Don't be afraid to try a new look.

The next most important prerequisite is money. The more you are willing to spend, the more clothes you'll be able to buy. The last time I did this, I spent a little less than $100 and bought 2 shirts and a belt. And, needless to say, I was very satisfied with my purchases.

Step 1
Call a female friend who you think dresses well and ask her if she has a good sense of fashion. She will most likely say yes.

Step 2
Use the foot-in-the-door phenomenon (Yes Ladder) and ask her if she wants to go shopping with you to help pick out some new clothes.

Step 3
Pick her up from her place and go to the mall together. Ask her what stores she would recommend checking out. If you've got a budget, be sure to tell her. She'll choose stores accordingly.

Step 4
This is the easiest part of all. You don't really have to do anything at all. Your chick friend will go around picking clothes for you. To a man, this is hard, stressful work. To a woman, however, this is fun.

Step 5
Take as many clothes as you're allowed into the fitting room and try them on one by one. Get opinions from your chick friend.

*Optional - To save time, ask your chick friend to come into the fitting room with you "as long as there's no funny business." Dressing in front of a girl will help you overcome some sexual anxieties you may have. If you don't have any, it's good practice anyway. If you don't bring her into the fitting room with you, you'll have to walk in and out of the room every time you try on something new which is a pain in the ass.

Step 6
Buy the clothes that you and her think are the best ones for you. Then, do something nice for your friend as a thank you such as buying her lunch or dinner.

Step 7
Look better than you did before.

-Chief

The Shameless Casanova

During a conversation with one of my chick friends, she told me something that I found to be very telling about how many women probably feel these days:

"Sigh. Sadly, even when I TRY to have one night stands or sex just for sex, men get hardcore attached and want to claim me as only theirs. It's annoying. What happened to the promiscuous, non-committing man?"

A lot of men nowadays have the impression that they should seek relationships and that their lustful desires for no-strings-attached sex are politically incorrect and would scare women away. Too many men have become ashamed of their real desires, repressing them to the point of self-deluded denial. "I'm only interested in being in a committed relationship. I'm not interested in just having sex. I'm above that." BULLSHIT.

I would strongly argue that many many women would find it absolutely refreshing to be in the presence of a man who is shamelessly honest about his "shallow" desires.

Start paying more attention to what your penis is trying to tell you.

-Chief