Forgiveness

This is a follow-up to "Obsession": http://chiefpua.blogspot.com/2008/05/obsession.html

A couple days ago I came to grips with the fact that I cannot judge Spin. He's done some terrible things to me, but I still have no right to judge him. Who am I to say that he's a bad guy? I am just as human as he is. It just seems like he's got a sex addiction, and many of his friends would agree. From another perspective he could very well be just as much a victim as much as I saw him as malicious.

"Bros before hos" and "Leave her better than you found her..." Those were our hard and fast rules in the Attraction Theory group, but it's impossible to be completely objective in interpreting those guidelines by their very nature.

To become a man I must face my shadow side. I have to address all my inner demons in order to fulfill my purpose as a man. I'm going to hold a workshop in California on January in 2009, and I'm going to ask him to be a guest speaker. He's got a wealth of knowledge and experience to share ...and I can finally forgive him.

Coincidentally, Spin called me tonight. And he apologized sincerely for the events of long ago. It seems as though he's been doing a lot of thinking and he seems to have matured further than I had expected him to. I'm going to speak to him tomorrow night to get right down to business about the workshop. We're moving forward and letting bygones be bygones.

Truly forgiving someone for their trespasses against you is as hard as forgiving yourself. At the same time, it's so easy if you can just let go of the all the falseness in life that your ego creates... if you just let yourself forgive.

Explore compassion. Compassion liberates.

A Matter of Taste

I won't ever be able to sarge and successfully pick up any given woman I set my eyes on. That's impossible. I once held a belief that if you're adaptable enough with your game such a feat would be possible, but that's bullshit.

As I've learned from various pickup sources, learning game isn't about adding on additional layers to yourself. Instead, it's about peeling away the layers that stifle your core. In the end you will want to fully enable yourself into expressing your true core and core intent in an eloquently expressive fashion. This method of learning and practicing the art of pickup (Natural Game) is rooted in the premise that women are naturally attracted to who you truly are on the inside by default; basically, that "being yourself" is the most effective key in seduction.

Layers that stifle your core can include things like limiting beliefs, bad body language habits, inner demons from past trauma, ego, etc. There are millions of things that can stifle you. Being stifled is having any inhibitions from expressing your true self. On the stage, being stifled is letting anything hold you back from skillfully expressing your true current emotional state (or whatever you're trying to communicate) in most sincere and effective way possible.

If you learn to love yourself, to not take yourself for granted, other people will love you, too. As human beings we are all able to relate to each other in some way, but we all have these layers that stifle us from seeing that. Instead, the best we could possibly do without achieving full godly enlightenment is to find certain parts of ourselves that align with certain parts of other people. This is why it is actually possible to not be someone's "type." Everyone is stifled in some way that blocks them from being able to fully relate to certain people that are stifled in some other way.

This is why, no matter how much I strip myself of my stifling layers, I will not be able to seduce any woman in the world. People in general will become attached to some of their stifling layers, creating a phenomenon called "taste." Sure, I will most certainly increase the amount of "types" of women that will be attracted to me by peeling away these layers of mine, but there will always be some women that do not share the same taste as I do. Some women will always not be my "type."

If I never learned to peel away these layers, if I never learned to love myself, essentially no one could really love me. It would be very difficult to generate any attraction within any woman. It really is great to expand that pool of people that CAN fall in love with you, though, by learning the way of the PUA... but in reality can someone with the ability to attract and seduce any woman anywhere really exist? I think not.

I came to this realization while I was playing along to some songs on my guitar just now. When I was a kid I had this dream to be a great singer/guitarist. However, I've always hated my voice. It brought me down to think that I could never win the hearts of music fans with singing talent, even though I rock at guitar.

I then thought about what almost every experienced singer has told me, though. They all echo something along the lines of, "good singing is all about falling in love with your own voice." It's like game. Anyone who hates their voice will sound terrible to others, and will not be able to give a good performance. Anyone who does love their own voice, however, will always be able to captivate the ears of some types of people.

Think about all the famous voices you've ever heard, and all the bands that you love to listen to. I'm sure you know some people that hate some of these singers, and plenty of people that love them. The same goes for a pickup artist; some types of women will throw their panties off in a heartbeat for some pure expressions of Don Juanery while some types of women will be turned off by the same pickup by the same PUA.

The universal attraction switches are still valid, as are the universal rules of music theory. Music theory dictates what sounds good and what sounds bad to an extent, but it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. Pickup theories dictate what is attractive and what isn't to an extent, but, again, it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. You can follow the rules to dramatically increase your effectiveness in giving a great performance, but you can never win em all.

But who the hell actually cares about winning them all? A "real" musician doesn't concern himself with fame and fortune. Musicians who let their egos get the best of them end up recording a really shitty second album. All that real musicians care about is finding the best and most artistic way to express what they're really feeling. They want to reach the audience that they can relate to the most on the deepest level possible, and so should the pickup artist. Doing so brings a deep sense of fulfillment like no other. This is why so many pickup gurus stress the importance of finding out what exactly you're looking for in a woman because you're exhaustively wasting time and energy if you're trying to focus on attracting ALL women in general.

Find your style, your genre, your target audience. It's all about finding yourself.

It all starts with you.

Here's some heavy stuff.

When I was in middle school, I was depressed. It was pretty bad. I thought nobody in the world could ever really care about me. In turn, I didn't give a damn about anyone, myself, the world, whatever. I saw life through a narrow pessimistic scope. I saw myself as worthless, useless, and also as a victim. I had no faith in humanity or its potential to love. I remember one time I was sitting at my desk, reaching for the nearest long sharp object I could grab hold of. It was a foot-long pair of scissors and I held the sharp end against my neck. Fuck writing a note or a last letter; I didn't give a shit. I was sitting in front of my computer because that's where I usually was. I was pretty withdrawn and not very social, which explains why I would just be in front of the computer a lot, but of course I had that secret desire to be able to have fun and be social with others, so I was logged onto AOL Instant Messenger. By sheer coincidence, right as I was about to escape by shoving those scissors through my throat, a window pops up. It's an Instant Message from one of my female friends, Emily.

Emily was the type of girl who was just naturally happy and joyful, and she had the habit of doing something that pickup artists call "giving value," or just sharing the feeling of love and positivity with others. She just randomly IMed me with "I love you!" out of the blue. At the time I just thought it was a sign from God (I used to be Christian) that He wanted me to continue living, that He had some sort of plan for me, so I put the scissors down. As a Zen Buddhist and as a "pickup artist" now, I look back at that and see something else, something more. I had no faith in humanity. I didn't think anyone could genuinely care about other people. Emily, though, loved and cared about everyone in her life. She saw friends as family and strangers as friends. She would not hesitate to go out of her way for the sake of helping others. I see humanity as a whole very differently now. I know the potential for human beings to love each other, to live a life of compassion, mostly because I can now see that potential within myself. In my life's journey since that day with the scissors, I think I have become one of these kinds of people, or at least I am striving to become one. I think that's just beautiful.

I think every pickup artist MUST develop this positive habit. RSD talks about giving value. As much as I hate to quote him, Mehow talks about giving value. Mark Redman, the relatively new guru on College Game who automatically subscribes you to a "Mastermind Program" by taking money from your bank account monthly without giving enough warning ahead of time when you buy his ebook, refers to it as "giving love." Plenty of pickup companies nowadays are catching on because the habit of giving value is an extraordinarily attractive trait.

I think that the GENUINE habit of giving value is rooted in the feeling of compassion. I believe that all human beings are naturally compassionate. To have compassion for others, one must understand others. To understand others, one must understand himself. Some people have great difficulty in expressing their compassion because they allow themselves to be blinded by ego. Now, where did this ego come from?

When a man isn't self-aware, he allows his ego to creep up to compensate for the metaphorical wounds he has suffered from early on in his life. This is practically unavoidable, unless the man has had a perfect childhood. We usually call those guys "Naturals," by the way. Not to say that ALL Natural pickup artists have been raised flawlessly, of course.

The ego disallows us from accepting reality as it is, which in turn disallows us from taking the right actions toward positive change. For example, our ego tells us to stay in our comfort zone by telling us that we are "good enough," when in reality we want to IMPROVE. A man can let his ego tell him that doing cold approaches isn't his "style." A man can let his ego tell him that he doesn't need to read a book on pickup or relationships because he is above doing things like that. A man can let his ego tell him that he doesn't need to challenge himself by moving onto level 2 because he's already good at level 1. Ultimately, the ego makes us closed-minded.

A man does have the ability, however, to muster enough self-control to tame his ego. Trust me, Buddhists do it all the time. It takes humility to hold an empty cup, but it's easy to have humility when you can admit to yourself that you are currently not the best man you could possibly be, but you are striving to become your best self. As my friend RedpoleQ once said, "A man isn't what you are. A man is what you become."

Once someone lets go of ego, it becomes easy to practice non-resistance. I learned from RSD's Blueprint program that resistance is actually an emotion we feel. Once we accept reality for what it is by NOT letting ourselves feel resistance (come on, we're men so we can control our own emotions), we can allow ourselves to take the right actions to change our very reality. To me this is like an amazing 2-step program that can solve any problem. First, you accept yourself and reality. Then, you take right action to change yourself and reality.

All of this leads to a greater sense of self-awareness, which leads to a greater sense of understanding, which leads to an unlocking of your naturally compassionate nature, which leads to an unlocking of your natural habit of giving love and value, which leads to attracting more people, *cough*which leads to you getting laid*cough*. All of this makes you a better person in the end, which allows for a greater opportunity in leaving everyone you interact with better than you found them.

Imagine a world full of compassion and positive energy like that. Wow, right? And it all starts with you.

Passion for pickup

I've got some exciting news!

Brad sold pick-up-artist-forum.com to Richard La Ruina, aka Gambler, of PUA Training. We've got a lot of new things planned for the future of PUAF with the new leadership. Mr. La Ruina has also made me a Site Administrator, and I've already set a lot of things in motion to make the forum better and higher-quality.

I also recorded an interview I did with a natural today and it shall be available on the website shortly.

Anyway, I was having a conversation with one of my pledge brothers today and he was asking me why I do this whole pickup thing.

I remember when I first started liking girls. I was really young - second grade. My first crush was this blonde girl named Jessica, and that's all I remember about her. From that early age I started developing a deep appreciation for feminimity and for both the pain and joy it brings to my life. I learned to really love women. Seriously, I love women to death now. I think they're the most beautiful creations on the face of this planet, physically, mentally, spiritually. I am grateful for pickup; it showed me how to express my appreciation for such beauty without being a creeper lol.

My pledge brother was under the impression that I saw women as objects, and he brought it up when I was comparing pickup to a hobby that he liked to do, swimming.

I told him that, like pickup, the reason a swimmer would continue swimming after he had achieved all he wanted to achieve (mastering the discipline, winning trophies and competitions, etc.) would be because he simply loved to swim.

"OK, so if pickup is to women as swimming is to water, wouldn't that mean you're treating women as things?" he asked. By his logic, water is a thing, and according to that analogy, a woman would also be a thing.

I poured my heart out when I replied, connecting to that part of me that really felt a loving passion for the female half of our species, "No. Even though I'm not a swimmer, I can imagine that if I were a swimmer who was really passionate about swimming, I wouldn't see water as a thing. I'd look out into the ocean and I wouldn't just see WATER. I'd see a partner. Every droplet of water that touches my skin when I'm moving through that ocean would be a little taste of enlightenment. And I would feel on a gut-level that the ocean was actually HAPPY for me to swim in it."

"Touche."

-Chief

You can run but you can't hide

...and running won't even do you any good. It'll only exhaust you.

I'm currently experiencing some domestic turbulence within my own household right now, and it's reminding me of a very important life lesson. Try as you might, but you can't fucking hide shit from the world, especially not from the people that are actually involved in your life.

Go ahead and try. Go ahead and go out in-field and say cocky and funny lines without actually having cockiness and humor as a part of your genuine personality. Go ahead and tell a story about saving your stripper ex-girlfriend from some chodes chasing her around when in reality you're a virgin who's never had a girlfriend. Go ahead and ask for a woman's opinion on something without actually caring about what her opinion is. Go ahead and try lying to people like that, but you won't succeed in convincing anyone of anything other than the absolute truth. Sure, once in a while you can TRICK someone into believing your lies, but somewhere down the road you're running on, you're going to trip and fall flat on your face... and who knows what kinds of debris will be on the ground of that road? The face you must show to the world may be forever scarred from glass and hot coals.

Pickup isn't about tricking anyone into anything. It's about becoming that awesome guy you've always envisioned yourself to be. You'll be attracting women left and right because you'll be expressing your genuine best self, not because you're hiding behind a mask. You'll be attracting as a result from giving that loving energy out to the world since you've got plenty of that feeling for yourself.

Being honest is a very scary thought, I know, but it isn't so scary when you've hit that point of becoming proud of yourself for something inside you, and not for something you've done or anything else outside of you. Sure, it can still be scary at times, but then there's that confidence that automatically comes with that pride of self-validation. Once you dive into the pool of honesty, it doesn't seem so scary anymore.

Most people look at PUA methods like the Mystery Method or the Speed Seduction process and see that as an opportunity to manipulate others into thinking you're something that you're not. Fucking stop that. I look at PUA methods and see an opportunity to express my core intent in an artistic manner. Pickup is an opportunity to express what's on the inside because that's basically what any ART is. That's what the "A" in PUA fucking stands for: Artist.

You're not going to make it by faking it. You have to develop your mentality and lifestyle through discipline and hardcore life experience until you reach a point where you can see yourself as "beautiful on the inside," as cheesy as that sounds. Only then can you really use Outer Game models in pickup to successfully pick up. Pick up yourself, your life, then pick up chicks. That's when you'll feel like you have some real control over your love life.

Hiding behind a mask is only going to give you a long laundry list of problems you've never imagined before. Let go of that ego and reveal your true self. Once you've done that, you're fucking free to move in whatever direction of change you wish to go.

-Chief

A meditation on struggle

I've been thinking about something earlier today, and I just read something that Beschatten wrote in response to a question that somebody asked that got me thinking even more.

"People lose sleep over a death, not a girl. Get a grip." -Beschatten

Several years ago, when I was in middle school, I went through a completely negative and hateful goth phase. I wore all black, I hated the world, I hated myself, I hated my life. I was full of self-pity and believed that I've "been through a lot of shit." Even nowadays people tell me that I seem very mature for my age and it seems that I've "been through a lot."

I've begun to see that that is total bullshit. What have I been through? 30+ rejections in middle school may have left me in emotional turmoil to the point of fucked up depression, but these were all just GIRL ISSUES. How could I have been such a pussy to have been suicidal over GIRL ISSUES?

My parents stayed together. I was fed whenever I was hungry. I received (and am receiving) good education. I was provided with a plethora of extracurricular activities. I was never captured and tortured. I was never forced to endanger myself. I was never sexually abused. Hell, I've never even been GROUNDED (grounding isn't a standard disciplinary method in Asian cultures). I haven't been through shit. I haven't ever been REALLY tested to earn manhood.

I was even disappointed at my performance at one point while I was pledging for Sigma Chi. I can't reveal details as I am sworn to secrecy, but let's just say that I could have been more of a man.

I've always thought that I've experienced a lot of the bad shit life has to offer, but what the fuck do I know? I've never had it THAT bad. I've just been a pussy when I was a kid. What do I know of real struggle?

I've been exposed to some pretty bad racism and other kinds of prejudice against me. I've had my heart broken by countless oneitises. I've had to go to court. I've had a friend die in a car crash. I've had a friend die of heart attack. My taekwondo grandmaster died of lung disease. I've had friends of friends commit suicide. I've had close friends ATTEMPT suicide. I've had issues with my parents. I've had issues with friends and girlfriends. I used to have a drinking problem. I used to be a chain smoker. Someone hacked into my Neopets account and took all my Neopoints. Someone stole my credit card information. Sure, I've been through all that, but can I really call that "a lot?" What do I know of REAL struggle?

Everything I have been through has been completely laughable compared to the shit my own father has been through, laughable compared to the shit people over in Darfur are going through, laughable compared to the shit people in communist nations have been through, laughable compared to the hunger that people in third world countries feel. I don't have to fear for my life on a daily basis. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get my next meal. I don't have friends and family dropping like flies left and right. I don't have to worry about the government killing me for exercising my freedom of speech. I don't have trees falling on me from lumber work and having to drive myself to a far-away hospital while half-paralyzed from the spinal impact (props to Sean Messenger and his family). I don't have the world watching my every move as I try to achieve something no man has done before.

"I once cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man with no feet." -Anonymous

Guys, we are all here to learn from each other, better our lives, and create solutions to our perceived problems. Keep a bigger picture in your minds, though, and know that any problem we may have with GIRLS... it's really not that bad. It's really no big deal. The struggle you face on the path of learning pickup is NOTHING compared to the struggles of REAL LIFE.

Real life turns you into a real man. Pickup can help, but it's not the meat and potatoes. It's just the seasoning.

I'm 18 years old, I have a head full of PUA knowledge, a resume of some solid field experience, but I haven't seen nothin' yet. I can't wait to see what life has in store to REALLY test me. I can't wait to face the hardships that life has to offer so I can develop some real, solid character. Time to step forward.

-Chief

Having standards

A lot of guys in the community talk about "having standards" because it's a good ideal to follow. However, not enough guys actually look past their lustful physical desires to really identify what they're looking for in the women they seek to have in their lives. So, I actually sat down and wrote a list of qualities that I'd like to see in the women I get involved with.

I'm looking for a woman who is... (in no order of importance)
> Open-minded
> Adventurous
> Respectful of others
> Caring
> Unselfish
> Compassionate
> Passionate about something
> Feminine
> A little weird in some way
> Openly bisexual
> Likes music and dancing
> Self-aware
> Doesn't hold grudges
> Allows herself to live in the moment
> Not a communist

That's my list for now. It'll probably change as I experience more of life. If you don't have a list, why not make one? It'll at least let you prove to yourself that you actually do have standards.

-Chief