A meditation on struggle

I've been thinking about something earlier today, and I just read something that Beschatten wrote in response to a question that somebody asked that got me thinking even more.

"People lose sleep over a death, not a girl. Get a grip." -Beschatten

Several years ago, when I was in middle school, I went through a completely negative and hateful goth phase. I wore all black, I hated the world, I hated myself, I hated my life. I was full of self-pity and believed that I've "been through a lot of shit." Even nowadays people tell me that I seem very mature for my age and it seems that I've "been through a lot."

I've begun to see that that is total bullshit. What have I been through? 30+ rejections in middle school may have left me in emotional turmoil to the point of fucked up depression, but these were all just GIRL ISSUES. How could I have been such a pussy to have been suicidal over GIRL ISSUES?

My parents stayed together. I was fed whenever I was hungry. I received (and am receiving) good education. I was provided with a plethora of extracurricular activities. I was never captured and tortured. I was never forced to endanger myself. I was never sexually abused. Hell, I've never even been GROUNDED (grounding isn't a standard disciplinary method in Asian cultures). I haven't been through shit. I haven't ever been REALLY tested to earn manhood.

I was even disappointed at my performance at one point while I was pledging for Sigma Chi. I can't reveal details as I am sworn to secrecy, but let's just say that I could have been more of a man.

I've always thought that I've experienced a lot of the bad shit life has to offer, but what the fuck do I know? I've never had it THAT bad. I've just been a pussy when I was a kid. What do I know of real struggle?

I've been exposed to some pretty bad racism and other kinds of prejudice against me. I've had my heart broken by countless oneitises. I've had to go to court. I've had a friend die in a car crash. I've had a friend die of heart attack. My taekwondo grandmaster died of lung disease. I've had friends of friends commit suicide. I've had close friends ATTEMPT suicide. I've had issues with my parents. I've had issues with friends and girlfriends. I used to have a drinking problem. I used to be a chain smoker. Someone hacked into my Neopets account and took all my Neopoints. Someone stole my credit card information. Sure, I've been through all that, but can I really call that "a lot?" What do I know of REAL struggle?

Everything I have been through has been completely laughable compared to the shit my own father has been through, laughable compared to the shit people over in Darfur are going through, laughable compared to the shit people in communist nations have been through, laughable compared to the hunger that people in third world countries feel. I don't have to fear for my life on a daily basis. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get my next meal. I don't have friends and family dropping like flies left and right. I don't have to worry about the government killing me for exercising my freedom of speech. I don't have trees falling on me from lumber work and having to drive myself to a far-away hospital while half-paralyzed from the spinal impact (props to Sean Messenger and his family). I don't have the world watching my every move as I try to achieve something no man has done before.

"I once cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man with no feet." -Anonymous

Guys, we are all here to learn from each other, better our lives, and create solutions to our perceived problems. Keep a bigger picture in your minds, though, and know that any problem we may have with GIRLS... it's really not that bad. It's really no big deal. The struggle you face on the path of learning pickup is NOTHING compared to the struggles of REAL LIFE.

Real life turns you into a real man. Pickup can help, but it's not the meat and potatoes. It's just the seasoning.

I'm 18 years old, I have a head full of PUA knowledge, a resume of some solid field experience, but I haven't seen nothin' yet. I can't wait to see what life has in store to REALLY test me. I can't wait to face the hardships that life has to offer so I can develop some real, solid character. Time to step forward.

-Chief

Having standards

A lot of guys in the community talk about "having standards" because it's a good ideal to follow. However, not enough guys actually look past their lustful physical desires to really identify what they're looking for in the women they seek to have in their lives. So, I actually sat down and wrote a list of qualities that I'd like to see in the women I get involved with.

I'm looking for a woman who is... (in no order of importance)
> Open-minded
> Adventurous
> Respectful of others
> Caring
> Unselfish
> Compassionate
> Passionate about something
> Feminine
> A little weird in some way
> Openly bisexual
> Likes music and dancing
> Self-aware
> Doesn't hold grudges
> Allows herself to live in the moment
> Not a communist

That's my list for now. It'll probably change as I experience more of life. If you don't have a list, why not make one? It'll at least let you prove to yourself that you actually do have standards.

-Chief

South Korea

I recently spent some time in Seoul, South Korea so far during my summer vacation. It was a blast! I go to Korea all the time to visit family, but I never tasted the nightlife or anything fun about Korea until this time. I met a bunch of guys from the Korea Lair, which is very well organized and led by a PUA who goes by BlueMystery. I was very impressed by Korea Lair and I hope I can help make the New Orleans lair just as organized and motivated once I get back.

Sarging there was a fun experience like no other. Let me tell ya, the dive bars in Seoul are like the high-class bars in America. At least that's what my impression was like. You can check out my FRs from my trip if you know where to find them.

One of the guys in Korea Lair told me that it's a DHV to be American (novelty factor), and if you are from America and happen to be Korean by race, it's even better because the girls feel safer and more comfortable by being with a guy who's still Asian. At the same time, they're still experiencing something new and foreign. I'm totally going to learn how to be fluent in Korean (my Korean sucks) and going back next year.

I used to always say that I don't prefer Asian chicks, but now I have a whole new appreciation for them. I can't wait to travel more. =)

-Chief

Obsession.

They say that the Tarot cards can tell you things about yourself. Of course, a lot of the fortune telling aspects of Tarot that attempt to predict the future are hocus pocus bullshit with little or no scientific validity. Nonetheless, each card in the deck is designed to speak to a universal archetype that anyone can relate to.

There are a lot of customized decks out there that deviate from the classic Roar-Waite style in one way or another. The particular deck I have replaced the Devil card with one titled "Obsession," depicting a S&M-like scene with a nude blindfolded woman tied down to pentagram on the wall. When I first looked through my cards, I found myself most drawn to this card in particular. Was this simply because of my Dom/sub fetish, or was there something more to this?

I saw the movie, "The Prestige" for the second time today. The first time I saw it, which was when it was first released in theaters, I didn't think of it like I'm thinking of it now. That movie's all about obsession. For those of you who haven't seen it, go watch it. It's an excellent movie.

In The Prestige, there are two rival show magicians who are constantly trying to be more successful than the other. They are constantly trying to prove themselves as the "better" magician by messing up each other's shows, stealing each other's tricks, etc. A huge theme than ran along with the theme of obsession was the idea of sacrifice. Each of the two magicians had to sacrifice a lot for their art. One of them lived his entire life in a lie and the other even ended up killing himself about 100 times (watch the movie). They each gave up a part of their humanity for obsession.

While watching The Prestige today, I couldn't help but to relate to one of these guys very strongly. I looked back at my life these past six or seven months, back from when a very dramatic rivalry sparked between me and one of my former pickup students. He was literally the best student I had, yielding more results than I, and then he stabbed me in the back. "Spin." What an appropriate PUA name he chose for himself. I removed him from my inner circle.

For many months after that shit show in October of 2007, I fell into obsession and literally thought of nothing but becoming better than him. It made me push myself in some good ways, but slowly I was chipping away at my psyche and at my humanity. It forced me to challenge and even disown some morals I had previously held. It made me start smoking. It made me criticize myself in ways that hindered me rather than drive me forward. It brought me to the study of NLP, something we in my inner circle regarded as the "dark side" of pickup. Of course, I see NLP and Speed Seduction in a more positive light nowadays, but nonetheless the motivation I was driven by to this discipline wasn't noble.

And, on top of this obsessive path of self-destruction I've taken, I bear the burden of guilt. Guilt for having created a monster. This guy doesn't exactly have the best intentions, and I was blind to his negatives, despite the endless warnings from my peers.

I don't know where I'm at with this whole obsessive rivalry ordeal right now. Of course, I've cut off communication with him, so I don't really know what to compare myself to, so I've certainly calmed down a bit. However, how would I react if I saw what his current standing was in pickup? And, would I still have the goal of becoming a mPUA if he didn't exist? I either don't know or I'm afraid to let myself know.

If it weren't for the wise words of the gurus like David Deangelo ("Compare your progress and success only to yourself") that I at least claim to vehemently apply to my life, I would have let this whole obsession thing spiral my life down to a complete catastrophe. However, I cannot proudly say for certain that I have lived congruently with these excellent Inner Game values. I must concede that, as a mortal human being, I am not perfect. In fact I am far from perfect. I must become better. At least better than him. No, wait, I mean "better than where I'm at now."

Sigh.

-Chief

Social Psychology and Pickup: The Overjustification Effect and Intrinsic Motivation

Taken from an old folk tale:
"An old man lived alone on a street where boys played noisily every afternoon. The din annoyed him, so one day he called the boys to his door. He told them he loved the cheerful sound of the children's voices and promised them each 50 cents if they would return the next day. Next afternoon, the youngsters raced back and played more lustily than ever. The old man paid them and promised another reward the next day. Again they returned, whooping it up, and the man paid them; this time 25 cents. The following day they only got 15 cents, and the man explained that his meager resources were being exhausted. "Please, though, would you come to play for 10 cents tomorrow?" The disappointed boys told the man they would not be back. It wasn't worth the effort, they said, to play all afternoon at his house for only 10 cents."

There are many elements in psychology that can explain the behavioral responses of women to AFCs and PUAs. Social psychology offers the theory of the overjustification effect as one underlying reason as to why AFCs fail to elicit desired responses from women.

The overjustification effect - The result of bribing people to do what they already like doing; they may then see their actions as externally controlled rather than intrinsically appealing.

Intrinsic motivation - Motivation to do something out of genuine internal preference and liking.

From his study and development of Inner Game, a PUA comes to fully understand and believe, with every fiber of his being, that women love sex. The act of sex is intrinsically motivated within both men and women. The AFC, on the other hand, fails to truly recognize women's genuine liking of sex. Therefore, he, in a way, feels compelled to instill an external motivation within her to do the dirty with him.

In the mind of an AFC, women don't like sex. He comes to this conclusion through his faulty interpretation of social scripts.

Social scripts - Culturally provided mental instructions for how to act in various situations.

Women, from being sexually oppressed by a patriarchal society that has used sex as a competitive resource for too many generations, developed the social script of responding negatively to sexual topics when presented in public situations. Examples of this behavior can be seen whenever a woman responds to a sexual joke in disgust or when she says anything along the lines of, "I'm not a slut" and "I don't do that on the first date."

The AFC interprets the social script as "women don't like sex." Logically, if you want someone to do something that they don't like doing, you must compensate them with external rewards. The AFC takes this logical path and compensates women with external rewards such as drinks, dinners, gifts, and an overall attitude of supplication, during the process of courtship. In doing so, the AFC triggers the overjustification effect. When a person is rewarded with external factors to do something he or she already likes, he or she loses sight of his or her intrinsic motivation and justifies his or her actions as "I did it because I was paid to do so."

Proof of the reality of this effect can be observed in experiments by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan (1991, 1997) at the University of Rochester, by Mark Lepper and David Greene (1979) at Stanford, and by Ann Boggiano and her colleagues (1985, 1987) at the University of Colorado:
"Pay people for playing with puzzles, and they will later play with the puzzles less than those who play for no pay. Promise children a reward for doing what they intrinsically enjoy (for example, playing with Magic Markers), and you will turn their play into work."

It is implied that intrinsic motivation is an undeniably more powerful and consistent of a driving force in motivation than any mode of external compensation. In failing to recognize women's innate desire to have sex, the AFC forces his targets to replace her intrinsic motivations with his inconsistent, incongruent, and desperate offerings of resources.

Social Psychology, ninth edition, by David G. Myers:
"When people do something they enjoy, without reward or coercion, they attribute their behavior to their love of the activity. External rewards undermine intrinsic motivation by leading people to attribute their behavior to the incentive."

Myers also points out that "the overjustification effect occurs when someone offers an unnecessary reward beforehand in an obvious effort to control behavior."

Rosenfeld & others, 1980; Sansone, 1986:
"Rewards that seek to control people and lead them to believe it was the reward that caused their effort - 'I did it for the money' - diminish the intrinsic appeal of an enjoyable task."

In terms of pickup, this evidence is a clear explanation as to why women feel unappreciative toward AFCs who supplicate to them as a strategy of bedding her. The supplication makes the woman feel less intrinsic motivation, and therefore more jaded, bitchy, and less able to revel in the beauty of pure human desires.

Consciously armed with this knowledge of the overjustification effect, a PUA can keep himself in check to make sure that he isn't preemptively rewarding a woman with external factors such as IOIs and SOIs for following him in the progressive route toward the mutually pleasurable experience of sex. By acknowledging and reinforcing the woman's intrinsic motivation (not just for sex, but for all areas of life), the PUA can "leave her better than he found her," letting her fully enjoy an internal cultivation of her enthusiasm for life.

-Chief

Mainstream

There's a keg at the house tonight and I'm going, but I'd like to take a minute to talk about how this underground pickup community is surfacing into the mainstream.

If you didn't already know, ever since Neil Strauss (Style) released his best-selling novel The Game back in 2005 and Erik Von Markovik (Mystery) had that show "The Pickup Artist" on VH1 just last year or something, more and more people have become aware of this community. It isn't so "underground" anymore.

Sure, I kinda miss the days when all this stuff was more secretive and all I knew was the C&F and Inner Game shit that David Deangelo preached, but these mainstream additions to the community have actually opened my eyes to more and different schools of pickup, and gave me the opportunity to expand my horizons.

I think Mystery and Style have done very good things for the world by letting more people know about this stuff. However, there have been unfortunate consequences.

A lot of PUAs complain that more girls or HBs call them out on canned material. "OMG you got that from that VH1 show!" ...but that's not what I'm talking about. That is NOT a bad thing. If a PUA hasn't reached the level where he's using his OWN authentic material, he's just being a copy cat and isn't really learning the real lessons. It's a good thing that more people are recognizing this.

The unfortunate consequence that I think has taken place, however, is that the Mystery Method is currently the reigning "mainstream" method for pickup. Sure, I think the Mystery Method is a fun and legit Outer Game method to follow, but it really isn't the best way to go about learning pickup... and it's unfortunate to see so many newbies flocking to Mystery's school of thought.

Why do I say this? I think the Mystery Method somewhat promotes being fake. I have nothing against Indirect Game, but to me the Mystery Method is mostly about acting like something that you're not. It's the method that involves mostly canned material and the idea of "fake it til you make it." It's useful as hell to learn, but not so great when you've fixated on learning ONLY the Mystery Method. There's almost zero Inner Game development involved.

I think people should turn to the Mystery Method once they have already gotten their Inner Game and confidence honed from other schools such as David Deangelo, Carlos Xuma, Inner Game specific programs from Ross Jeffries, and even RSD. This whole "fake it til you make it" crap is going to mess up a lot of heads.

It IS a good thing, however, that the mainstream form of pickup has shifted to being a social development centered discipline rather than a hypnosis/NLP centered discipline. That Speed Seduction stuff is tricky shit, man. I'm learning from that school of thought because the psychology behind it is really interesting to me, but it really isn't worth learning just for the sake of pickup.

I am personally planning on moving completely away from Mystery Method and taking up Gunwitch Method. It's seems a lot more authentic and honest to me, and there's almost no canned material involved.

Jeffy Freedom Tour

As some of you may know, RSD has been giving free workshops with Jlaix (aka Jeffy) and Ciaran. They were in New Orleans yesterday so of course I HAD to attend.

I was completely stoked, man! I finally had the chance to meet some of the BEST masters in the field.

I walked into the room and was starstruck. I see Jlaix on the other side and Ciaran approaches me and we shake hands. Holy shit, dude. I am shaking the hand of the man who created the concept of Shock and Awe and the currently popular Apocalypse Opener. I pronounce his name wrong. He AMOGs me. After I shake Jlaix's hand, I make a light joke making fun of the fact that he was using a Mac. He AMOGs me. It was great. =P

The presentation was awesome. Jlaix is definitely a man who lives up to his reputation. The entire time, I was thinking, "Wow, these guys have been through it all over years and years and years of this pickup artistry. I can really feel a strong difference in their energy because of that."

Apparently Jlaix picked up one of the chicks working at the Crepe place while he was here. I probably know her.

Now, onward to shake the hands of all the other mPUAs!