Ask Chief: Conversational Transitions

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about transitioning from one conversational topic to the next. Specifically, the question is about my style of how to make good conversation with women, which is all about knowing what you seek in women and finding out everything you can about the personality of the woman you're talking to in order to see if she's right for you. "Riter" asks:

How would you transition the conversation? For example, if I want to know if she is outgoing and then later in the conversation I would like to know if she is kind? Basically, transitioning is where I am concerned because sometimes I stay on one topic and I perceive it as dragged out.

There is no one right answer to this question. Different PUAs have different conversational styles, and they would all sound different even if they were all to use my basic conversational framework.

For example, Juggler tells people that "the best transition is no transition." In the context of routines, he tells people to not worry about transitioning from routine to routine and just go onto the next one even if it seems abrupt. You can pull this off by jumping from one conversational topic to the next even if it doesn't feel "smooth" as long as you make that your style.

On the other hand, you've got teachers like Mystery telling people about multi-threading - to start talking about one thing, cutting it off in the middle, starting a new topic, cutting it off in the middle, starting a new topic, and so on and so forth. It might be difficult for a man to maintain his sanity with this conversational style, but it is the language of women.

What I like to do is to continue diving deeper and deeper. I might ask a woman one simple, shallow question like where her hometown is or what her dream was when she was a kid, then I'd continue talking about her while steering the conversation in a very emotional direction. Along the way of finding out deeper things about her on the same topic of her childhood dream job, I will likely find out other things about her, ask her things only somewhat related to the main topic but more related to something else, etc. If I were to visually represent how this system of conversational transitions looks, it would probably look like a tree with a shit ton of long branches and heavy roots. It's almost like you're leading her into telling a very interesting story, and you're showing her how to tell a story in an interesting way. It might help to look up some resources on effective story-telling. This way should make the two of you feel like things are not being dragged out. You're talking about the same topic but you're not talking about the same topic at the same time.

If you're trying to use my style, you'll know that you're doing it right when she's telling you her most intimate secrets.

My open relationship

Among all the girls I've been seeing, there's one who seemed to be more special to me than the rest in a way that made me feel more romantically connected to her. Earlier this week, I started an open relationship with her.

You all know the rules of that game. In an open relationship, both people are free to see other people when the boyfriend or girlfriend is not around. Sounds pretty awesome, right?

I'm not sure if I want to take advantage of this blessed situation I'm in by continuing to see and bone a bunch of other girls. Since I've actually got the freedom to see other girls while I'm dating this one, I don't feel any pressure of being "tied down" or whatnot. So far I haven't felt any inclination toward fucking other girls. Maybe I just have a problem with feeling not free, and I've found a special girl who lets me feel free.

It still feels rather strange to say "my girlfriend" since I'm so used to just playing around and living the awesome single life, but I'm sure it will start feeling alright eventually, right?

-Chief

A Whole New World!

Sometimes, this song plays in my head whenever a Korean girl who has lived within the constraints of conservative Confucianism her whole life is touched by the seductive magic of my comparatively uninhibited and wild ways of living. I feel like Aladdin taking a trapped princess on a magic carpet ride of fun that no traditional Korean man can ever take her on. This song is so hilariously fitting that I think I'll just learn how to sing this song and belt it out loud whenever I meet a girl who's never been outside of this country before... if I can find a magic carpet or something functionally similar.

The proudest achievement of any sort of artist would be showing someone their world in an aesthetic manner that inspires. A pickup artist, of course, is no exception to this nature of artistry. Every seduction is a work of art that should aim to inspire in some way; that is what separates the pickup artist from the frustrated playboy who desperately seeks happiness and meaning between the legs of countless women who cannot fill the hole left in his heart by some childhood rejection. The artist seeks to give while the player seeks to take.

You have to understand that women all around the world - not just those living in more conservative cultures - live under unjust constraints to restrict them from expressing themselves sexually and fully. This is even truer in places like Korea where even college-age women are expected to return home to mommy and daddy by dinnertime lest they face harsh scoldings. Even so, we shouldn't lose sight of the double standards like the Madonna/whore complex that exist nearly everywhere. Being a woman anywhere can't be all that different from being Princess Jasmine, locked away in her castle every day, shielded from all the influences of the big bad world out there.

I've met some women in Korea who seemed to genuinely prefer their safe prison of conservative culture. That is to say, I've still never met any woman who wasn't a religious fanatic who genuinely wanted to save her virginity for marriage, but there are still those who comfortably allow their fear of social judgment to dictate their sex lives in some way or another. A lot of women, however, carry a deep and natural resentment for the oppressive forces that society has given them from birth. These are the women who really rightly want a magic penis-I-mean-CARPET ride. They are sick and tired of never having been truly free to live "dangerously." Sometimes, they feel sick and tired of SOMETHING but they don't even realize what it is they are sick and tired of.

Seduction is a magic carpet ride because you're giving the woman a chance to see this whole new world of freedom that you, as a man, has had the privilege of living in your whole life. Because you were born with a penis, no one's going to resentfully call you a slut just because people found out that you had sex with a random person. No one's going to resentfully call you a cold-hearted ice queen when people notice that you DON'T have sex. You've got the freedom to do whatever the hell you want sexually without ever having a taste of the frigid judgment from society that women get for even having the "wrong" thoughts.

Notice how Aladdin enticed her into getting on the magic carpet with just a few, simple words that didn't really promise too much and seemed to have very little consequence. Notice how Aladdin and Jasmine are sharing this magical experience together with no other audience to see them. The gradual escalation of seduction, discretion, and ultimately inspiration is what makes this song seem so much like me, an American PUA, seducing a Korean woman, or any woman for that matter.

Seduction is an opportunity for a woman to have some private space to just be herself. It's a chance she rarely ever gets, especially if she comes from a more conservative background. In order for a woman to be able to feel this way with you, you need to be expressively nonjudgmental, unquestionably discreet, and naturally sexual. Only then will you be able to show her this whole new world. lol

-Chief

Ask Chief: Cultural Stereotypes

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about seduction in different countries. "Little Panda" asks:

Should you adapt to a culture you're just being introduced to, according to the stereotypical way women's mentality works? So for example, somebody visiting Korea might have heard that women are usually sexually repressed and therefore can't handle the kind of game the person in question is playing. 

Is it now better for the person to attempt changing his game, just so he can adapt to this 'culture' which is just a stereotype - or should stereotypes like as such not be taken too much in consideration? 

Because every time I talk to my friends about visiting a certain country, they all seem to have an already established image/stereotype of the women there. 

"Oh dude, you should totally not go there. Women are so much harder to game in country X than they are in country Y . . ." - Which generally annoys me because it all sounds like bullshit and I don't believe you should adapt your game to a whole culture based on rumors/stereotypes, but rather the specific woman you're gaming. 

When I first came to Korea, I ignored cultural differences and just thought "game is game no matter where you go." While that's true to an extent, ignoring cultural differences is foolish.

I only got so far by trying to push forward with what I've always done. Korean girls already expected that I would be different from the Korean guys since I'm a foreigner, so I got a lot of leeway for my "unusual" behavior, but I was still hitting some roadblocks. For example, I think that using the same indirect game I used in America resulted in a ton of more pointless lost time and effort, so I adapted by being more direct.

If you want the best results, you have to adapt to your circumstances. With that said, however, I'd say that your friends are wrong to say that women are "harder" to game in a certain country compared to another country - the game is just different in some ways.

The thing that frustrates me the most about women in Korea is that they're generally less sexually experienced and also generally more sexually conservative. That makes it more inconvenient for me when I'm trying to use some sexual framing and whatnot, but it still works as long as I approach it from a different angle. Sometimes, I still revert back to my default sexualization game here out of laziness and I feel like it's "harder" to game in Korea, but that's not necessarily true.

Even the cultural difference of Korean women being generally less sexually experienced than American women can be a non-issue if you change up your game a little bit, and in some ways it can make seduction even easier (yet still more difficult if I just did what I usually did in America). For example, if I play up the frame that I'm safely "guiding" her and showing her this whole new world of perverse freedom within a nonjudgmental bubble, it works better than if I'd try it on a more experienced American girl. In America, more often than not I treated women like sexual equals who can keep up with me in bed. That frame isn't as relevant with the women I've met here in Korea, though.

It's not so much the stereotypes you should concern yourself with, but the real cultural differences that PUAs in that country will tell you about. The average stereotype you hear around may be true or false when it comes down to it. Knowing which ones are true and which ones are false will also be very useful. Also keep in mind that actually believing in the wrong stereotypes will greatly hinder you like a limiting belief. You do, however, need to at least be aware of how the culture affects social scripts.

Making her chase you?

Some guys like to "flip the script" by trying to make the girl chase them instead of showing direct interest. It might sound good in theory, but what's going to happen when you actually try to get together with a girl who's chasing you like mad? I'll tell you what: she's going to lose interest because she's "caught" you and you're no longer a challenge.

How many times have you had a girl absolutely crushing over you, only to make a complete 180 degree turn as soon as you decide to reciprocate some interest? One moment you're stringing her along with cocky lines and feigned disinterest and she's hounding you with delicious attention and affection. The next moment you think "She's showing interest in me! I can now safely ask her out with no chance of getting my feelings hurt from rejection!" So you show some interest back and you ask her out. And she says "no" because now you've taken away the thrill of the chase.

Why do so many guys try to adapt this style of seduction into their game? Well, it sure as hell feeds your ego even if you aren't actually getting anything out of it.

When it comes to the world of dating and seduction, more often than not you're going to have to make a choice between your ego and actual success. Think about what guys normally do to boost their own egos, and how those actions affect the women they're involved with. John goes around bragging about how he fucked Jane in the club bathroom last night; Jane feels betrayed, people end up calling her a slut, and other girls now know better than to do any dirty things with John! One of the biggest reasons I ask girls to keep everything between me and them a secret just between me and them is that the smarter girls know that they have to keep their reputations in check.

We all want to feel wanted and there's no denying that. The fact of the matter is that some of us start using pickup techniques in hopes of just getting more attention from women regardless of other potential benefits like sex, romance, companionship, etc. In the end, though, would any of us be satisfied with just getting attention? If you get girls chasing you all the time, there's no doubt that you'll be disappointed when they run the other way as soon as you make yourself available to them. Spare yourself the pointless high school mind games and play the real game. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking the classically masculine role of being aggressive and chasing after what (who) you want. You might think that trying to make a girl chase you is a neat way to avoid that nasty "rejection" thing, but think again. The more you try to avoid risk, the less reward you'll get. Risks are opportunities.

-Chief

Frustrated with pickup?

If you're anything like me, you've tried so many pickup and seduction methods that it all feels like hard work. It also feels like you're putting in a ton of effort while getting a lot less progress and results than you expected. It's really quite frustrating at times.

If you've read my review on 60 Years of Challenge, then you already have pretty decent idea of how his method makes pickup practically effortless. I'm endorsing 60YOC because I really do believe that his work is a milestone in the pickup community and even renders a lot of the mainstream methods obsolete. Click here to check out his stuff if you haven't already. This material makes pickup EASY.

In other news, I'll soon be releasing an audio program of my very own. For those of you who like my fun and straightforward style of game, this will be a very exciting thing to look forward to! I plan on making it as comprehensive as possible to deliver a whole bootcamp within a home study course. Like I said about my previous workshops that I've held in the US, YOU WILL BE LIVING AND BREATHING GAME. Watch this space.

For now, I think you'll be very happy with what 60 Years of Challenge has to offer. Check him out!

-Chief

Ask Chief: Being Called a Player

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about being called a "player" by girls. "Chris2k10" asks:

Are you supposed to avoid coming off as a player? What messes me up the most is the player vibe even though the girl knows she's really attracted to me. My current and only solution for this is, "If you say so" with a humble smile on. What's your insight on this, should I handle it differently or what?

Different styles work better for some people than others. Has your "If you say so" + humble smile response ever gotten in the way of a lay? I like the sound of it.

You also have to keep in mind that every girl is different, too. Some are more open to the idea of playing with a player but others have repeatedly gotten hurt from playing with other players in the past. One of the things I say is "I don't play people," and I'm congruent with that since my style tends to be more straightforward.

When you're a little deeper into mid-game, though, exposing vulnerabilities should render all of those "player" accusations as irrelevant anyway.