A Whole New World!

Sometimes, this song plays in my head whenever a Korean girl who has lived within the constraints of conservative Confucianism her whole life is touched by the seductive magic of my comparatively uninhibited and wild ways of living. I feel like Aladdin taking a trapped princess on a magic carpet ride of fun that no traditional Korean man can ever take her on. This song is so hilariously fitting that I think I'll just learn how to sing this song and belt it out loud whenever I meet a girl who's never been outside of this country before... if I can find a magic carpet or something functionally similar.

The proudest achievement of any sort of artist would be showing someone their world in an aesthetic manner that inspires. A pickup artist, of course, is no exception to this nature of artistry. Every seduction is a work of art that should aim to inspire in some way; that is what separates the pickup artist from the frustrated playboy who desperately seeks happiness and meaning between the legs of countless women who cannot fill the hole left in his heart by some childhood rejection. The artist seeks to give while the player seeks to take.

You have to understand that women all around the world - not just those living in more conservative cultures - live under unjust constraints to restrict them from expressing themselves sexually and fully. This is even truer in places like Korea where even college-age women are expected to return home to mommy and daddy by dinnertime lest they face harsh scoldings. Even so, we shouldn't lose sight of the double standards like the Madonna/whore complex that exist nearly everywhere. Being a woman anywhere can't be all that different from being Princess Jasmine, locked away in her castle every day, shielded from all the influences of the big bad world out there.

I've met some women in Korea who seemed to genuinely prefer their safe prison of conservative culture. That is to say, I've still never met any woman who wasn't a religious fanatic who genuinely wanted to save her virginity for marriage, but there are still those who comfortably allow their fear of social judgment to dictate their sex lives in some way or another. A lot of women, however, carry a deep and natural resentment for the oppressive forces that society has given them from birth. These are the women who really rightly want a magic penis-I-mean-CARPET ride. They are sick and tired of never having been truly free to live "dangerously." Sometimes, they feel sick and tired of SOMETHING but they don't even realize what it is they are sick and tired of.

Seduction is a magic carpet ride because you're giving the woman a chance to see this whole new world of freedom that you, as a man, has had the privilege of living in your whole life. Because you were born with a penis, no one's going to resentfully call you a slut just because people found out that you had sex with a random person. No one's going to resentfully call you a cold-hearted ice queen when people notice that you DON'T have sex. You've got the freedom to do whatever the hell you want sexually without ever having a taste of the frigid judgment from society that women get for even having the "wrong" thoughts.

Notice how Aladdin enticed her into getting on the magic carpet with just a few, simple words that didn't really promise too much and seemed to have very little consequence. Notice how Aladdin and Jasmine are sharing this magical experience together with no other audience to see them. The gradual escalation of seduction, discretion, and ultimately inspiration is what makes this song seem so much like me, an American PUA, seducing a Korean woman, or any woman for that matter.

Seduction is an opportunity for a woman to have some private space to just be herself. It's a chance she rarely ever gets, especially if she comes from a more conservative background. In order for a woman to be able to feel this way with you, you need to be expressively nonjudgmental, unquestionably discreet, and naturally sexual. Only then will you be able to show her this whole new world. lol

-Chief

Making her chase you?

Some guys like to "flip the script" by trying to make the girl chase them instead of showing direct interest. It might sound good in theory, but what's going to happen when you actually try to get together with a girl who's chasing you like mad? I'll tell you what: she's going to lose interest because she's "caught" you and you're no longer a challenge.

How many times have you had a girl absolutely crushing over you, only to make a complete 180 degree turn as soon as you decide to reciprocate some interest? One moment you're stringing her along with cocky lines and feigned disinterest and she's hounding you with delicious attention and affection. The next moment you think "She's showing interest in me! I can now safely ask her out with no chance of getting my feelings hurt from rejection!" So you show some interest back and you ask her out. And she says "no" because now you've taken away the thrill of the chase.

Why do so many guys try to adapt this style of seduction into their game? Well, it sure as hell feeds your ego even if you aren't actually getting anything out of it.

When it comes to the world of dating and seduction, more often than not you're going to have to make a choice between your ego and actual success. Think about what guys normally do to boost their own egos, and how those actions affect the women they're involved with. John goes around bragging about how he fucked Jane in the club bathroom last night; Jane feels betrayed, people end up calling her a slut, and other girls now know better than to do any dirty things with John! One of the biggest reasons I ask girls to keep everything between me and them a secret just between me and them is that the smarter girls know that they have to keep their reputations in check.

We all want to feel wanted and there's no denying that. The fact of the matter is that some of us start using pickup techniques in hopes of just getting more attention from women regardless of other potential benefits like sex, romance, companionship, etc. In the end, though, would any of us be satisfied with just getting attention? If you get girls chasing you all the time, there's no doubt that you'll be disappointed when they run the other way as soon as you make yourself available to them. Spare yourself the pointless high school mind games and play the real game. There's absolutely nothing wrong with taking the classically masculine role of being aggressive and chasing after what (who) you want. You might think that trying to make a girl chase you is a neat way to avoid that nasty "rejection" thing, but think again. The more you try to avoid risk, the less reward you'll get. Risks are opportunities.

-Chief

Korean Inhibitions

As some of you may already know, I've recently been hired into the Korea branch of PUA Training by the Korea-famous PUA Alexikakos, who shall later be translating this article into Korean for the Korean bootcamp students. Although I'm there to help out on the bootcamps taught in English for the foreign students, I've had the opportunity to observe and work with some Korean students as well.

I've never been officially employed by any real pickup company before this, but I still have plenty of experience teaching and coaching countless guys in America become successful with women. Guys who need to learn pickup from all cultures all have essentially the same types of problems; everyone needs more confidence, everyone needs to learn how to be less sexually judgmental, everyone needs to work on body language, everyone needs a better abundance mentality and internal locus of control, etc. The main difference between different cultures, though, is that the average guy from one culture may need to work more in one area than an average guy from another culture.

An important factor to look at when comparing Korea to western cultures such as that of America is the fact that Korea leans more toward collectivism. Koreans value social harmony and they don't really like standing out from the crowd, at least compared to Americans. As a result, Korean guys tend to be less outspoken and more shy.

The problem of being shy for a Korean man isn't as simple as him just feeling disinclined to approach women. That's just one of many symptoms of a deeper issue. As I was trying to train one of the Korean students in field during a bootcamp, I started off by trying to get him out of his comfort zone by playing a game with him. I went out with him to the middle of the dancefloor where everyone could see us. I then told him to copy exactly what I did. I proceeded to do some silly things such as jumping around like an idiot. If you're already familiar with pickup, you would know that this sort of exercise would help you get out of shell and thus perform better in field.

This student, however, was what you might call "stifled." He was supposed to copy exactly what I did, but if I jumped two feet into the air, he would only jump up a few inches. He was far too worried about what other people might think of him. Now, I know what you might be thinking. EVERYONE who's trying to learn pickup has this problem. They are self-conscious and inside their own heads way too much. While that may be true, it's certainly more pronounced in Korean men. The fear of going against social convention here can be greater than the fear of being raped by a big black guy. If being gay were the hip new trend in Korea, all the men here would try to become gay. We can already observe this trend in Korea as many Korean men carry purses and wear makeup. Look at the male Korean pop groups and tell me that they don't look like little girls.

Straight Korean men would rather look like these gay dandy boys than go against social convention. I think that proves how powerful the collectivist influence can be in this country.

Getting back to the point, it's not just that these guys are shy. It's a lot more than that. Korean men - and this is probably true for most Asian men as well - mostly grew up in a way that restricts self-expression. The pickup arts, like any other art, is all about self-expression. No matter which way you slice it, you need to know how to express yourself confidently and unapologetically in order to do pickup right. It's going to be very difficult for a girl to like and trust anyone who always seems like he's trying to hide something, and that's exactly what these men are doing. They are trying to hide themselves.

If I'm describing you in the above paragraphs I've written, then you need to take some action to free yourself from fear and to peel away the socially imposed layers of shame that hinder your self-expression.

This issue is a matter of both inner and outer game, but like all things in pickup it's mostly about habits. You can waste your days away with affirmations and other mental masturbation exercises like that if you want, but if you want to make some real changes then you need to start changing your behavioral habits.

The issue of being stifled and limiting your self-expression isn't one simple behavioral habit, however. It's something that's manifested in basically everything that you do. It's an attitude that doesn't fear embarrassment, values the fundamental concept of expression of self (rather than trying to make an impression of someone else), and is far more concerned with what you think of others than with what others might be thinking of you.

Next time you go out, I want you to be thinking about whether or not your actions are a full expression of yourself of if you're holding yourself back just because you don't want to stand out from the crowd. If you catch yourself making the mistake of inhibiting your self-expression, then do whatever it takes to express what you really wanted to express! Make it a habit of acting more on your impulses and that will eventually translate into a more effective pickup.

-Chief

Managing Expectations for FWB Relationship

Managing Expectations: The process of making sure that the girl you are seducing doesn't expect more than you're willing to offer. For example, making sure that a girl doesn't expect marriage when all you're looking for is a one night stand.

FWB: Friend With Benefits.

The first layer of my process of managing expectations is something I've already posted in my Outer Game thread here: http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/chiefs-guide-to-outer-game-vt75887.html

" As a practitioner of the pickup arts you have an obligation to try your best to adhere to the rule of "Leave her better than you found her." Different people have different interpretations of this phrase, but regardless of how you see it, you need to manage expectations properly in order stay consistent with that rule.

Another big reason to manage expectations properly is to quickly cut through bullshit that wastes your time and to prevent drama. So it's really better for everyone. Don't be afraid of losing a girl if she's strictly looking for a relationship while you're just looking to get laid with no strings attached. There are plenty of beautiful women who will fuck just for a good fuck, and they won't try to attach all those strings to you if you don't want them.

So, how do we manage expectations properly? It's simple, really:

Tell her what you're looking for, or tell her what you're not looking for.

For example, if you're not looking for a relationship, one "I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to have fun for now!" will suffice. If you actually are in this for a girlfriend, one "I'm looking to meet the right girl" will do just fine. Squeeze one of those types of lines into your conversation somewhere that's contextually relevant.

Sure, if you happen to have a random drunk hookup with a girl from the bar or club, most of the time it will be understood by both parties that it was just a drunk hookup and nothing more. Still, though, always manage expectations as a rule of thumb. Make your intentions clear as soon as you feel that spark of electric sexual tension in the air between you and her.

Being honest will never compromise your seduction as long as you remain consistently honest. Besides, this model of seduction isn't based on "value" like some other methods, so you have no reason to be dishonest in the first place when you're using this stuff.

Oh, and if you're still unsure about what you're looking for (girlfriend, fuck buddies, friends with benefits, one night stands, multiple wives, dominatrix mistress, etc.), figure it out first. How are you supposed to be upfront with your intentions if you don't know what the hell your intentions are in the first place? Don't be a blind guy flailing around in the dark. Man up and shoot straight. "

...but that's not the end of it. There are more layers to it, and it involves some heavy frame control. I didn't post this process in full detail in my Outer Game thread because this is specifically tailored to establish a "friends with benefits" relationship while my Outer Game thread is for general purposes. So, if you want FWBs, read on.

First off, what's the difference between a Friend With Benefits and a Fuck Buddy? There's a fine line between FWB and FB, but in my opinion they are different. A Fuck Buddy type of relationship is primarily built on no-strings-attached sex with little or no regard to building a genuine human-to-human connection, but a FWB is someone you actually care about as a friend. You see her as a friend first and a sex partner second. You share a limited amount of emotional connection and intimacy as any two good friends would. If you stop having sex (benefits) with her, you're still friends. Sound good? Having both your need for affection and your need for sex fulfilled without commitment is pretty excellent. Sure, it's not as deep and meaningful as an exclusive LTR but you get the chance to fill your life with female friends who fuck you. More abundance leads to a better position in life and a greater immunity to oneitis. So, without further ado, the following is my multi-layered method of managing expectations to make a wonderful FWB relationship with the girls you seduce.

Layer 1: Verbal statement

See above quote.

Layer 2: Establishing the roles

While the first layer of my expectations management involved an explicit verbal statement at the first sign of some strong sexual tension, the second layer is all about the roles you play and frame control after you have sex. The frame you establish will assign the roles that the two of you will play within the interaction(s) you share.

If you establish a frame of exclusive lovers, the two of you will play the boyfriend/girlfriend roles. In plain English, if you behave like a boyfriend, she's going to start seeing you as a boyfriend. If you treat her like your girlfriend, she's going to start seeing herself as your girlfriend. This is, unfortunately for you, a pretty standard frame that you're going to fall into if you don't do something about it. Being affectionate like an exclusive lover comes pretty naturally, and that might send her the wrong message.

You're going to operate from a drastically different frame and play different roles here. Using frame control, you're essentially going to put a cap on how much "attraction" she feels for you so that things don't go in the LTR direction. How would we pull that off? It's quite simple, really. Trigger her maternity instincts.

A competent man makes the perfect husband. You don't want an LTR, so don't play the role of a competent man. Triggering her maternity instincts is as simple as controlling the frame by playing the role of an incompetent boy. Let her take care of you by getting her to help you with menial shit like laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, money matters, and other daily chores. Have her take care of you if you get sick and show her how weak and pathetic you can be. Rely on her like a mommy. Do you have a good friend that you ask for advice and help on simple matters like this? Treat her like that friend.

No girl wants to be in a relationship with a guy who can't even take care of himself, but they love taking care of kids. Triggering her maternity instincts kills any chances for romantic love to blossom. Romantic love bad. Friends who care about each other good.

On top of establishing a frame that triggers her maternity instincts, you'll want to keep a safe emotional distance from her so that things don't get too intimate. Don't get too personal about discussing your/her feelings and shit. Keep the friendship as casual and cool as possible without devolving it to "acquaintances." Cuddling is fine, but don't overdo it. Be nice to her; don't forget that she's your friend.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

Layer 3: Solidifying the frame

This layer goes back to the mid-game, but also plays into the post-game like the previous layer. You will want to reinforce the we-are-friends-who-just-happen-to-have-sex-from-time-to-time-with-no-strings-attached frame with implicit verbal expressions.

At some point in your mid-game, you may find an opportunity or two to express your views on relationships and etc. If you don't find one, make one. When my friend taught me how to play pool, he told me "there's always a shot," meaning that there is always a way to sink one of your balls into a pocket on any given turn. This is true for shit in pickup as well. There is always an opportunity for talking about sex and relationships, escalation, kino, framing, or even the right neg if need be. Seduction is a blank canvas and you are the painter.

When expressing your views, be sure to mention the right views that will further manage her expectations. I might say something like, "Yeah, I think everyone in the world just needs to have way more sex with more people without worrying so much about exclusive relationships all the time." That, of course, is an extreme example, though. Calibrate according to your situation.

"Don't you hate it when a guy you only met recently becomes so attached and obsessed with you just because you fucked him or even just gave him a smile? It's like he desperately wants to be your boyfriend. I don't do relationships because that kinda shit just creeps me out." You get the idea. Use your imagination.

After sex, I like to give hints that she should have an active sex life outside of our own fun encounters. I do this because: 1. Actually having sex with people other than me will dramatically decrease her chances of wanting to be exclusive with me and 2. It reinforces the message that you don't want to be exclusive with her. "So, you meet any cute guys when you went out last night?" I might ask something like this in a way a curious gossipy friend might ask.

Where to go from here

All in all, a FWB situation is pretty baller. Of course, as a rule of thumb you should aim to have more than just one FWB in your rotation. Furthermore, it's easy to ease out of a good FWB relationship back into a "just friends" sort of situation if you don't want to fuck her anymore. All you have to do is play up Layer 2, not have sex with her, and still be there for her as a friend. The FWB status is also good because you can easily get into an exclusive relationship with one of your girls if you find yourself falling for her or whatnot. All you have to do is frame control to switch roles from incompetent boy to romantic lover. And, you'll know your feelings for her are genuine and not based on oneitis because you have other girls in your rotation. This shit is so full of win it's not even funny.

As a final piece of awesomeness, I shall leave you with this: http://smokingkillsme.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/34j3rzm.jpg

Comfort Manipulation (Online, Text, and Phone Game)

Think you got the perfect text game? Phone game? ONLINE GAME?

Think again.

Every interaction you have with a woman is going to further establish a comfort zone for both you and her - especially her - within the frame of the interaction you make. The more you interact with her through a certain medium of communication, the more she'll be accustomed to interacting with you through that very medium. On top of that, she's going to feel less inclined to interact with you in any other way.

Now, what does this mean in plain English? It means if you keep talking to her through the internet, text, or phone call, she will NOT want to meet you face to face. The more you do it, the less she'll want to meet you.

I know you're scared. We're all scared of something. I know that you're scared of actually putting yourself out there and risking some real face to face rejection. If you get ignored online, you can take it and it's no big deal. Well, you're being a fucking pussy and you won't get anywhere with that kind of scared attitude. You signed up to play this game and you should have known that this shit was for big boys. SBAP

Since the name of the game is seduction, interacting with women face to face is ideal because you can't fuck an online username or a phone number. You don't want to go and make her too comfortable with talking to you through just text. Manipulating this "text comfort" to your advantage is quite simple. All you have to do is limit the text-based communication between you and her as much as possible. Use it only for logistical purposes like arranging a face to face meetup. Don't bother trying to create attraction or whatnot through a text or phone call because there's actually more opportunities to fuck things up when the interaction isn't face to face. She can take a "hello" over text message in a million different ways and you aren't there to control the frame with body language, facial expressions, state transfer, etc. All other variables excluded, the chance that she'll read your message in a bad way is just as high as the chance she'll read it in the way you want her to.

You want her to feel the most comfortable interacting with you face to face. Open up and let her feel good when you're face to face and make texts and online chats feel somewhat like a freeze-out. Phone calls are a gray area since voice tone comes into play, but play it safe and play the game when you can actually see and touch each other.

60 Years of Challenge

I've been barking through the grapevine lately about how I think 60 Years of Challenge's stuff is the best I've seen since I've been in the PUA/Seduction Community since 2003. A lot of newbies ask, "Who is the best guru?" I tell them, "60 Years of Challenge." They then ask me, "Who wrote that?" I tell them, "No, dude, that's his name. Yeah, it's weird. Don't ask me why he named himself that because I have no idea."

Back in February of 2010, I wrote a review on Vin DiCarlo's ebook "The Attraction Code" and how I thought it was the best ebook on pickup I've ever read. I would say 60's "Complete Game System" pretty much tops that. It's a whole new level.

60 actually gives something new to the community instead of rehashing old ideas from Mystery and David Deangelo like everybody else. His method can be compared with Gunwitch Method, but to me it feels like an upgraded and simpler version. There are many aspects to the method, but they are all incredibly easy to apply and the entire thing can be summed up in one phrase: less is more.

Check out this awesome article that he wrote for a taste: Anti-Manifesto

The Anti-Manifesto will show you just how easy it is for anyone to control sexual tension.

Of course, I applied 60's method for myself. Check out the Lay Report I wrote: LR: I don't like bad boys

It was one of the, if not the, easiest lay I've ever gotten using anything I've learned from the community.

60's material is definitely a major milestone in the pickup community. It's one of those "must reads" you can't miss. And, to be honest, you really won't need to read anything else. Except my blog, of course. ;)

Check out 60 Years of Challenge by clicking here.

-Chief

The Shameless Casanova

During a conversation with one of my chick friends, she told me something that I found to be very telling about how many women probably feel these days:

"Sigh. Sadly, even when I TRY to have one night stands or sex just for sex, men get hardcore attached and want to claim me as only theirs. It's annoying. What happened to the promiscuous, non-committing man?"

A lot of men nowadays have the impression that they should seek relationships and that their lustful desires for no-strings-attached sex are politically incorrect and would scare women away. Too many men have become ashamed of their real desires, repressing them to the point of self-deluded denial. "I'm only interested in being in a committed relationship. I'm not interested in just having sex. I'm above that." BULLSHIT.

I would strongly argue that many many women would find it absolutely refreshing to be in the presence of a man who is shamelessly honest about his "shallow" desires.

Start paying more attention to what your penis is trying to tell you.

-Chief

Buyer's Remorse is Ridiculous

The very concept of Buyer's Remorse is absolutely absurd.

In the context of sales, a customer gets what's called "Buyer's Remorse" when they regret making a purchase after they've realized that the product they bought falls short of their expectations. In PUA terminology, a woman supposedly gets Buyer's Remorse if they regret sleeping with a guy.

The very fact that a guy actually put the concept of Buyer's Remorse in PUA literature is an admittance of the self-belief that he falls short of women's expectations. A so-called PUA thinks a woman will get Buyer's Remorse after she sleeps with him because he actually sees himself as unworthy of sex, and he is trying to misuse seduction as a way to trick the woman into believing that he is of higher value than he perceives himself to be.

This is the classic case of the so-called PUA trying to validate himself by tricking others into believing something he doesn't actually believe. He thinks that, maybe, eventually, he can feel better about himself if other people see him as higher value than he sees himself.

What a crock of utter bullshit.

The real-deal PUA believes that there would be no such "Buyer's Remorse" because there's nothing to regret after a woman sleeps with him. He knows that sex is a mutual and consensual act, and he absolutely knows what he's doing in bed. He also knows that he is actually quite sexually desirable. Buyer's Remorse just doesn't make any sense at all to him.

What does it take to really believe this? Most guys reading this article will try to wrestle with cognitive dissonance by adding a "No Buyer's Remorse rule" to their list of daily bullshit affirmations that continually deny what they truly feel about themselves. The wiser ones will actually focus on self-efficacy rather than the mainstream western view of self-esteem.

Buyer's Remorse? What the hell is that? Get that crap out of my seduction community.

Self-destruction is the magic bullet

Not all of the things that are taught in the PUA community are useful to everyone. Ungrounded affirmations, for example, do more harm than good for most.

Are you doing mental gymnastics in order to avoid the realization that you are going nowhere in order to avoid some sort of pain?

You might not be making your life any better right now. You know why?

You like making yourself comfortable. Even if you are in a bad spot, you prefer to settle with it and make yourself feel comfortable in it, rather than trying to move forward to make something better for yourself. It's because, frankly, you know that changing like that would be very uncomfortable.

If you actually want to make your life better... if you want women in your life, if you want to move out of Mommy's basement and get your own place, if you want to make your own money (and lots of it), if you want your own independence, and ultimately freedom...

You need motivation. And there is no greater motivation than discomfort.

The magic formula for motivation is to make yourself more uncomfortable than how much discomfort you know you'll face when you are in the process of change. So, stop feeding yourself the lies that your ego is telling you. Admit that, right now, you're a loser. Then, change.

That is the secret to success, and that is how you will be truly great. Now, go hit rock bottom.

Example:
Start out each night of sarging by intentionally getting yourself blown out.

Be Wanty, Not Needy

There's a big difference between being needy and expressing genuine, ego-less desire. The main difference is that being needy turns women off while expressing genuine desire free of ego turns women on.

The feeling of neediness stems from a void you feel in your spectrum of emotions. This void may be the result of anything ranging from previous rejections to childhood traumas. The scars you have from past experiences prompt your psyche into creating an EGO (in the Eckhart Tolle sense of the word, not Freud) in order to maintain a semblance of sanity. This ego, however, makes you NEEDY, which really sucks ass.

On the flip side, expressing genuine desire from an ego-less standpoint is much like expressing your liking for a certain flavor of ice cream simply because you like it. You don't feel any need to taste the ice cream in order to fill some sort of void within your hurting heart or any gay shit like that; you just want the ice cream because you fucking like it.

Stop looking for women to fill that hole in your heart. Women are ice cream cones. Don't be needy, but be as wanty as much as you can because women get turned on when they know that they are desired.

-Chief

Adopting Sexy Beliefs

It's no secret that the beliefs we hold affect our lives in many different ways. It's also commonly known throughout the seduction community that having a certain set of beliefs leads to more success with women and dating.

Some of these beliefs include:
1. Women love sex
2. Women are gorgeous and blameless
...well, I can make a list of useful beliefs that goes on and on for pages and pages, but that's not the point of this post.

Fiftyone, a member of mpuaforum.com, asked me about adopting new beliefs. In short, he didn't really know how to just start believing in something he didn't believe before:
"I guess my problem now is to learn how to instill those beliefs into my brain and stop thinking like an AFC. I haven't read that far into the book yet; maybe it'll tell me how to change my beliefs and adopt new beliefs later on in the book. If you have some tips on that, please do share (psychology 101?)!" - Fiftyone

The book he was talking about suggests tons of useful beliefs, but it doesn't tell you how to adopt any of them.

My response to him was as follows:

Adopting new beliefs is easy as pie. All you have to do is actively search for evidence in your reality that supports those new beliefs. Keep doing that until you can see evidence of that without even trying.

Do that too much in too little time and you just might lose grasp of reality and go insane, though, so keep your feet on the ground!

Here's an example of adopting a new belief this way:

Adopting the belief "I am sexy."

Instead of just telling yourself "I am sexy" over and over again like most affirmation exercises tell you to do, sit down and make a list of reasons why you are sexy. Go ahead and take your time with this if necessary. If you can't think of at least a handful of reasons in one sitting, ruminate over the topic and try again the next day... and the next day... and so on and so forth until the belief of "I am sexy" has a solid foundation of reasons that become self-evident to you more and more. During this process, any reasons previously programmed in your mind that "prove" that you are NOT sexy become overshadowed by your new programming and become insignificant.

Open your mind up enough and you will be able to find reasons as to why anything is true. There is no reason to give up on adopting any positive belief that will be useful to you.

Note that I am not talking about absolute or higher truth; I am talking about your personal beliefs that shape your success and lifestyle.

Understanding Women

This is going to be in one of the chapters in my upcoming ebook (in progress):

There once was a young girl named Katherine. She was born into a world not too unlike ours. Her world, however, was full of twisted unjust rules that didn’t make sense.

You see, when people in this world are hungry, they are reminded that it is wrong to eat. Higher authorities that have watched over Katherine throughout her entire life have given her the opportunity to have many blessings: education, a roof over her head, culture, etc. It seemed as though these same higher authorities, however, did not create a perfect system to govern their people. Katherine always felt like something was wrong. Something was unjust. Something was holding her back. She was promised freedom, but it was like she was only given the illusion of freedom while still remaining in captivity.

While growing up, Katherine read many story books and watched many movies. She was also surrounded by many religious friends and family members. All of these sources of information – the stories, movies, religion, etc. – echoed a very common promise:

“One day, you will no longer be hungry. One day, you will reach a proper age to undergo the feasting ceremony. You will get to choose one food dish and, from then on, you will have the freedom to eat as much of it as you wish, all day and every day. However, it is forbidden to eat any other type of food than the one you initially chose. It is also forbidden to eat anything before your feasting ceremony.”

In her history classes Katherine read about villainous women who ate more than one type of food. The history books portrayed these women as sinners and as witches who were all eventually captured and prosecuted. She learned to look at these types of women in contempt, giving these women labels such as “slut.” However, somewhere deep inside of her, she always felt something was wrong about the contempt she felt for these women. It almost felt as if she were punishing herself for feeling hunger.

Then, one day, Katherine met a woman named Stephanie. Stephanie enjoyed many pleasures in life, including fine cuisine, gourmet banquets, and crawfish boils. She had not undergone her feasting ceremony; many people accused her of being “impure.” Stephanie, however, seemed to be just fine with that. She had a genuine smile that Katherine had not ever seen on any of her friends’ faces. It was obvious that Stephanie knew something that no one else knew.

“How are you supposed to know which food dish to pick during your feasting ceremony if you’ve never tried any food before?” Stephanie asked Katherine rhetorically. “You can’t know your preferences without experience.”

Katherine pondered Stephanie’s message, and then asked a question: “Why is it that men are not prosecuted as much as women are for sneaking food before their feasting ceremony? All they get is a slap on the wrist while we women are forever marked as unclean.”

“Honey, we live in a patriarchal society. Men are always power-hungry, even when they already have all the power. We suffer more consequences for breaking the rules so that the ball stays in the men’s court. The only true freedom we can know is when it’s not about power anymore.”

“How can that happen?”

“Well, Katherine, I once knew a man who understood my grievances. He cared not for egotistical motivations such as the pursuit of power. He was motivated by compassion. His name was PUA. He would bring me food in a very discreet manner. I did not go hungry, and he never told anyone about what we were doing. I don’t know why and how he became so understanding and generous, but I would feel complete freedom because of him. It was like running away to our own world where the rules of this one didn’t apply.”

“Why didn’t you just go through the feasting ceremony to eat the food that PUA would bring you without having to be secretive about it?”

Stephanie laughed. “The food he brought me was great, but it wasn’t about that. It was about having the freedom to do what I felt was natural while having the freedom to live more of life. Honestly, who wants to eat just one and only one food dish for their entire life? Well, anyone who has already tasted a variety of flavors would think of that as hell, but others are forced to interpret it as heaven. I don’t think heaven should have prison bars like these, though.”

Hearing this, Katherine wanted to try a slice of Stephanie’s life without becoming an outcast. And so, Katherine sat on her barstool and waited. She waited for her very own PUA to set her free.

What an artist does

"Chief, are you alright?" Carin, my favorite bartender, could see the sorrow permeating from the genuine expression on my face; the very sorrow I was trying to drown in Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. It was another Friday night at The Dungeon, my favorite bar.

Her eyes showed concern like an old friend. I just give her a fake smile and a thumbs up. I wasn't going to give a woman my burdens like I used to back in my wbAFC chode days. I turned to Blacktop, "Listen, man. I'm going to make everything right." It was 3 AM and I was drunk, but not as drunk as I was aiming for just yet.

"What are you going to make right?" Blacktop asks. I tell him, "Everything." I turn to Vain and manage to sputter out whatever was going through my head at the time, "My parents say that they're proud of me, but I don't fucking believe them. I sure as hell wouldn't be proud of me if I were them. But mark my words, man. One day I'm going to make them really proud of me."

The laundry list of my problems that I had in my head were washed away by alcohol as the night progressed... or at least that's what was supposed to happen. In reality every sip made me fall deeper into my crappy little hole, but I was starting to like it. I went over to the jukebox to play songs like "Evidence" and "Just a Car Crash Away" by Marilyn Manson to see exactly how far down I could explore my crappy dark little hole without dying. Self-destruction is one of my greatest virtues anyway. Why? It breeds creation.

I was able to dwell deep enough in my drunken sorrows that I came to a point where I truly stopped caring about everything in the world. The only thing that truly existed was the present moment, and that was the only thing that actually mattered. There's definitely something blissful and enlightening in realization. There wasn't a smile on my face just yet, though.

And then a woman came and sat next to me at the bar. HBVampire is another Dungeon patron that I see a lot. Her mere feminine presence allowed me to switch to positivity/optimism mode. It's a pretty handy trick that every PUA should get under their belt. It's all about developing a habit. We somehow eventually got into a conversation about seeing the beauty in everything. I find out that she just broke up with her girlfriend. She also had not been with a man in over three years. Being drunk, I felt that I could just sense the strongest desire to be fucked hard in her soul. I decided to give her something special that night.

I gave SOIs and went direct in as smooth of a way as I could be when I'm drunk as fuck, which actually isn't too bad considering that I've had a lot of practice to calibrate my game pretty well under almost any circumstance. After some direct flirting and kino, we frankly made a verbal agreement to go home with each other that night. I tell my friends that I won't be catching a cab with them that night. Later on HBVampire and I left the bar and went to her house.

I was way too drunk to remember all the details, but I do know this: In the light of an opportunity to give and share the pleasure of a sexual experience - like how a musician gives his audience the pleasure of feeling all that he has felt through his music - I was able to forget about the selfish concerns of mine that I was trying to drink away. That is what an artist does: he gives. He is able to separate himself from his own fears, anxieties, sorrows, baggage, etc. and just give the best he's got. HBVampire desired to be loved that night, as every woman does at all times. Since the type of artist I am just happens to be the type that gives love and pleasure, I was able to orchestrate a magnificent impromptu symphony.

I woke up the next morning and realized that I had no idea where the fuck in New Orleans I was. HBVampire's house was pretty far from where I lived. I didn't even remember exactly how I got there in the first place since I was so drunk. Oh well, at least I didn't get whiskey dick.

Fortunately I was able to call one of my friends and get a ride back home!

Sexual Attraction Explained In-depth

The way that most PUAs think of attraction nowadays is ineffective. Since the concept of attraction is inherently subjective, I'm not saying that the way most PUAs think of attraction is wrong; it just makes the process of seduction unnecessarily difficult. More often than not, they structure their beliefs about attraction in a way that makes seduction an uphill battle rather than a thrilling free fall into a night of passionate fucking. Rather than letting yourself struggle with a puzzle of useless routines and DHV stories, allow me to offer an alternative way to think about attraction.

When it comes to attraction, a PUA's focus should be on sexually framing every thread of an interaction with a woman he's interested in so that the woman feels aroused with SEXUAL attraction. All the other things about attraction that you've heard - preselection, humor, wealth, and other commonly known DHVs - act mainly as logistical assistance that allows a woman to backwards rationalize her feelings of sexual attraction for a man. They aren't actually part of the main force that pushes the seduction forward.

In other words, if you're not thinking of attraction as a purely sexual feeling of desire, you're doing it wrong. Practicing pickup from the community's currently conventional value-based view of attraction leads to a big roadblock that aspiring PUAs constantly run into: the awkward switch from a "fun and social" vibe to a sexual vibe.

For example, if a PUA is trying to "build attraction" by communicating to a woman that they are a leader of men, the vibe of the interaction becomes based on the perception of social value. Contrary to popular belief in the seduction community, social value does not directly arouse a woman. It only gives her a "this guy is acceptable to associate with" message from her social programming. Somewhere along the way this message has the potential to translate into "this guy is acceptable to have sex with," but it is by no means triggering an instinctual horny desire for her to spread her legs and enthusiastically invite you in. It's not directly eliciting emotions within her that make her want to grab you and ride your cock until the both of you pass out from pleasure.

Lets put things into perspective. Have you ever met a woman who wasn't strikingly attractive to you, but your guys friends thought she was really really hot? You take a second look at her after you hear what your boys think of her, and suddenly she seems a bit more attractive than before. I don't know about you, but this happens to me a lot. Compare this situation to a time you met a woman who was so hot and sexy to you that you instantly felt a surge of lust and pure desire pulsating through your body and mind. When a PUA is trying to "build attraction" through things like commonly promoted DHVs and other "provider" cues such as being a leader of men, the woman may feel a slight growth in attraction for him just like how any guy would feel about that woman his friends approve of. However, this becomes a slow and strenuous process if the goal is simply sex. Wouldn't you rather have the woman feel the same way you're feeling when you see that incredibly sexy woman of your dreams for the first time?

Before we move on, let's address one limiting belief that may have popped up in your head just now. Do looks actually matter? My answer to that question may shock you...

Yes. Looks matter. However, your looks will only be able to help you if you are well-groomed and fashionable. If you think you're inherently ugly, you're fucking wrong. Why am I saying that looks matter, then?

Evolution has made it so that the genetic pool of the human race seeks to be heterogeneous. If every human being had the same genes and looked completely alike as a "perfect 10," that would open up a Pandora's box of problems for our species's survival. Ultimately, we'd become fatally vulnerable to natural mutations due to the decreased ability to adapt from a lack of genetic diversity. Species that have a homogeneous gene pool (as opposed to a heterogeneous one like ours) are actually asexual. That means they don't have sex with other members of their species. They reproduce offspring independently.

For our species to remain sexual and genetically heterogeneous, our sexual attraction is rooted in the principle of opposites attracting. Combining two opposites is the best way to produce something completely new. Make a shit ton of new stuff and you'll end up with a really fucking heterogeneous pool of stuff.

Since opposites attract, you will be very sexually attracted to a woman with genes opposite to yours. This is why you typically feel grossed out when you imagine having sex with members of your own family. This also means that the woman of your dreams will be sexually attracted to you since you have genes that are opposite to hers.

Just like Gunwitch teaches, as long as you are sarging women that you are genuinely attracted to on a physical/sexual level, they will much more likely to be genuinely attracted to you in the same way. A big problem that a lot of guys trying to learn pickup face is that they struggle through sarges because they are trying to seduce the socially defined "hottie" instead of listening to their gut-level attraction.

Proper grooming and shit like that allows you to express your genetic attractiveness more fully. Socially "uncool" fashion and poor hygiene will stifle the signal of your genes' polar pull. That's why having a cool style is highly beneficial.

OK, now that we know that looks matter. We also know that whatever looks we were born with will only help us get what we want (having sex with women we are genuinely sexually attracted to). After we've made our genes more presentable through fashion and grooming, how do we play the game according to this sexually focused definition of attraction?

I break the system of increasing sexual attraction down into three main tools that you can use:
1. Sexual State Projection
2. Sexual Framing
3. Sexual Tension

Note that these tools aren't in any particular order. For the most part, the game is not linear. It is mostly circular.

Sexual State Projection

Projecting Sexual State is pretty much something straight out of the Gunwitch Method. Go read it here: www.gunwitch.com

Sexual Framing

Sexual Framing is a big one. I define sexual framing as anything that gets the woman thinking about having sex with you, whether it be of conscious thought or of subconscious storage of thought.

How do you get a woman to think about having sex with you? There are many ways to do so. One day I observed a "natural" casually interacting with a group of people I was a part of. I was shocked at some of the crudely sexual remarks that came out of his mouth, but my shock would quickly subside when I noticed how congruent and unapologetic he was with his frame. I justified his behavior in my head, "That's just who he is. He must just be a really sexually aware guy." Besides, he wasn't being confrontational or creepy or anything like that. He seemed like he was just being his own damn self, completely comfortable in his own skin.

What he was doing was essentially giving everyone ample opportunity to squeeze our imaginations and produce sexual thoughts by using sexually charged language. It was then I realized that I must take more risks by engaging in potentially socially inappropriate behavior that clearly steers an interaction toward a sexual direction. For example:

HB: So I was shopping the other day (something completely unrelated to sex)
Chief: What? Let's have sex? Well, OK then.
HB: ...
Chief: Oh wait, that's not what you said. It's not a bad idea, though.
HB: Huh?
Chief: OK OK You're convincing me. Anyways, what were you saying about shopping?
HB: *giggle giggle giggle*

Sexual Framing can be as simple or as advanced as you need it to be. It can be as simple as using the word "sexy" when describing yourself or something about her, or as advanced as the "Grand Master Style" where you calibrate extremely vulgar phrases with a "just kidding." It can be as simple as using the old "That's what she said" line when you get an opportunity to use it, or as advanced as a trance-hijacking NLP pattern.

Amongst the many schools of the pickup arts I've delved into, I also studied Speed Seduction. So, of course I can think of numerous ways to sexually frame an interaction using NLP. One great way I've found to do this is to simply speak in ways that presuppose that we're already lovers.

All in all you should keep this in mind when it comes to Sexual Framing: As long as you are somehow directly giving her the mental image of her having sex with you, you're doing it right.

Sexual Tension

Building Sexual Tension gives you that feeling of needing closure. The more of it you build, the more you'll want to fuck each others brains out. And, the greater the mutual desire for sex, the greater the likelihood of sex actually happening. It'll also make sex a lot more enjoyable for both of you.

Tension is something that's created when two opposing forces are combined somehow. To apply tension to sexual attraction, you must combine a force that's moving the sexual vibe forward and a force that actually holds the sexual vibe back. One of the most common ways to do this is to evoke sexual arousal within yourself and the woman while talking about something that's completely nonsexual.

Because of the way in which these techniques use opposing forces in harmony, any application of the push/pull dynamic, the concept of 2-steps-forward-1-step-back, and cat string theory to the sexual vibe of an interaction will build Sexual Tension.

Another technique that builds Sexual Tension is triangular gazing. While you use triangular gazing, you are communicating the fact that you are thinking about kissing her. However, since this desire isn't verbalized, you end up building sexual tension.

An extreme example of building Sexual Tension is Ciaran's Shock and Awe technique. While using Shock and Awe you are verbally and physically expressing your pure desire but demonstrating an attempt to suppress your desire at the same time. Read about it here: http://www.puaratings.com/articles/ciaran-shock-and-awe

Adopting the mentality of sexual attraction that I have just outlined for you will increase your success rate in field dramatically. It certainly has for me. Many know this structure of game as "Fool's Mate." I just call it my standard game. Those who call this "Fool's Mate" are just following a structure of game that's slow and unnecessarily tedious.

If you want to have sex, why not focus on the sexual aspects of an interaction from the get-go?

Oh, and by the way... Combining this shit with an effective procedure of kino escalation and Vin DiCarlo's "Objection Game" is basically the complete model of my entire Outer Game. Now go out and get laid.

-Chief

Do you want to get rid of Approach Anxiety?

I want you to sit down and imagine this following scenario. Go inside your head right now and imagine this happening with as many vivid details as possible. Read this slowly and deliberately, soaking in as much of it as you can.

You are in line to ride a roller coaster for the first time ever, but you feel absolutely no fear. In fact, you feel nothing at all. You feel like you might as well be sitting down silently and calmly, just staring at a dot on a piece of paper. You are right there in line for the roller coaster but you expect no consequences at all.

You get into the dull gray roller coaster car and you still feel nothing. It's as if you're just going through the motions without feeling a thing. There isn't an ounce of fear in your system. You feel no fear, thrill, nor excitement for the ride to come.

The roller coaster car starts up and takes you through spins and loops, physically lifting your position in space up and down at various speeds. Your emotions, however, are completely unaffected. You still feel like you might as well be sitting down silently and calmly, just staring at a dot on a piece of paper.

The roller coaster car makes a full circle and starts slowing down back where you started. You step off on the car and start walking away to get on with your life. You can't help but to ask yourself, "What the hell was the point of all that?"

Is this how you want your interactions and relationships with women to go?

Or would you rather embrace your Approach Anxiety and just go for it, enjoying the full spectrum of your emotions to savor the many flavors of life?

There can be no yin without the yang. If you wish to gain everything, you must be willing to risk losing everything. Like the exhilarating path of a roller coaster, you'll only go as high as deep as you'll be willing to dive.

Stop being a pussy, man up, and approach her... with or without Approach Anxiety.

-Chief

Managing expectations

A friend and fellow student of the pickup arts asked me a question in confidence today. He showed me a rather long email that he received from his ex-girlfriend. It detailed how obsessed she was with him, and how she can't get him off her mind.

He no longer wishes to be her boyfriend, but she's hooked because he abused his PUA power by creating nearly unbreakable connections just so that he could guarantee sex and a relationship with this girl. Needless to say, she really wants to re-establish an exclusive relationship with him. The question he posed to me was:

"Honestly, I just want her vagina because it was so tight, but I was ever so dumb to fucking mindwash her, and now I can't get the vagina, without getting the entire package with it. I don't want the entire fucking package, and you seem the only guy to go to on this. What do I say to this email?"

The following was my response:

Get ready for an epic "I told you so."

I told you so.

An ounce of prevention is more valuable than a pound of cure. It's better to manage expectations than to have to deal with damage control. Hopefully now you'll stop teaching AFCs to establish deep connections that they'll inevitably regret later. ;)

My ability to foresee these kinds of things comes from having been a wbAFC who's been on the other side of it over many experiences. I don't want women to feel the kind of disillusioned attachment and suffering I've been through. That kinda shit is totally lose-lose.

Hopefully now you also further understand why "forbidden patterns" are "forbidden" in the first place... even though you have yet to experience the full extent of the consequences that can stem from them.

The best solution I can come up with would be to [the solution I presented to him is irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make in this blog post, so I'll leave it out.]

Oh, and make your intentions to just have sex with her clear from the start this time. One of the biggest reasons that a PUA must know exactly what he wants is so that he can sincerely communicate those intentions to his potential lovers.

And don't forget to leave her better than you found her. Hopefully you'll choose to steer this boat in a direction that lets her continue on her life a more optimistic, wise, and mature individual rather than a cynical, jaded, and man-hating bitch.

-Chief

Fat Chicks and Beta Males

Imagine a fat chick going on a healthy diet and exercising regularly as she loses weight to become more attractive to the opposite sex. Everyone she knows compliments her all the time for her valiant effort. Once she actually gets hot, she gets way more attention from men and people shower her with more attention and praise.

Now imagine a beta male AFC learning self improvement and pickup as he gains confidence to become more attractive to the opposite sex. Everyone he tells his commitment to change to looks down on him for following some "bullshit" advice and for being "creepy." Once he actually garners some success through this discipline, suddenly he's negatively marked as "one of those pickup guys."

A girl becoming more attractive by losing weight is directly analogous to a guy becoming more attractive by learning pickup, so why is there such a discrepancy on how people judge these two methods of self improvement?

It's becoming more clear that there are two very different methodologies in learning pickup nowadays. The first, and arguably "wrong" way to do it is to learn a bag of tricks for the purpose of hiding your true ugly self in an attempt to deceive a woman into believing that you're better than you actually are. The second, and arguably "right" way to do it is to work through a strenuous process of facing your inner demons and actually changing who you are on the inside so that you genuinely become a "sexworthy" man, and then learn how to present yourself in the most sincere way possible to most effectively communicate your real attractiveness.

You cannot compare the first methodology of learning pickup to a fat chick losing weight through a disciplined program of diet and exercise. Instead it's more like the fat chick who takes pictures of herself from deceptive overhead angles to produce photos that make her appear more attractive than she actually is, and then posting those pictures on her myspace or facebook. It's a TRICK that infuriates men who actually buy into the misrepresentation and actually agree to meet up with the girl, only to discover that he's been fantasizing about a whale.

A woman who commits to a strenuous process of change deserves the respect she gets, as does the man who grows a pair and faces his inner demons to mature himself for real. Any action that involves hiding who you really are is certainly not respectable and in some cases actually disgusting. Unfortunately, the mainstream view of the pickup community is related to the deceptive methods of hiding, but those of us who have nothing to hide won't have to worry about those negative judgments.

So, to all you PUAs who still use Mystery's canned material: You are scared about the public knowing about our community because you're still hiding. Step up to the next level and change yourself instead of just manipulating your behavior. The only way you'll actually change is to man up and do what you're afraid of doing. These things include:

>Facing your inner demons.
>Daring to love yourself and all persons.
>Really identifying who you are right now without letting your ego define you.
>Actually approaching women in spite of your approach anxiety.
>Taking full responsibility for your own life and actions.
>Turning the other cheek, metaphorically speaking.
>Taming your ego (Tolle's ego, not Freud's).

That's just a small starter list. If you've got any other ideas to contribute, please comment below.

A Matter of Taste

I won't ever be able to sarge and successfully pick up any given woman I set my eyes on. That's impossible. I once held a belief that if you're adaptable enough with your game such a feat would be possible, but that's bullshit.

As I've learned from various pickup sources, learning game isn't about adding on additional layers to yourself. Instead, it's about peeling away the layers that stifle your core. In the end you will want to fully enable yourself into expressing your true core and core intent in an eloquently expressive fashion. This method of learning and practicing the art of pickup (Natural Game) is rooted in the premise that women are naturally attracted to who you truly are on the inside by default; basically, that "being yourself" is the most effective key in seduction.

Layers that stifle your core can include things like limiting beliefs, bad body language habits, inner demons from past trauma, ego, etc. There are millions of things that can stifle you. Being stifled is having any inhibitions from expressing your true self. On the stage, being stifled is letting anything hold you back from skillfully expressing your true current emotional state (or whatever you're trying to communicate) in most sincere and effective way possible.

If you learn to love yourself, to not take yourself for granted, other people will love you, too. As human beings we are all able to relate to each other in some way, but we all have these layers that stifle us from seeing that. Instead, the best we could possibly do without achieving full godly enlightenment is to find certain parts of ourselves that align with certain parts of other people. This is why it is actually possible to not be someone's "type." Everyone is stifled in some way that blocks them from being able to fully relate to certain people that are stifled in some other way.

This is why, no matter how much I strip myself of my stifling layers, I will not be able to seduce any woman in the world. People in general will become attached to some of their stifling layers, creating a phenomenon called "taste." Sure, I will most certainly increase the amount of "types" of women that will be attracted to me by peeling away these layers of mine, but there will always be some women that do not share the same taste as I do. Some women will always not be my "type."

If I never learned to peel away these layers, if I never learned to love myself, essentially no one could really love me. It would be very difficult to generate any attraction within any woman. It really is great to expand that pool of people that CAN fall in love with you, though, by learning the way of the PUA... but in reality can someone with the ability to attract and seduce any woman anywhere really exist? I think not.

I came to this realization while I was playing along to some songs on my guitar just now. When I was a kid I had this dream to be a great singer/guitarist. However, I've always hated my voice. It brought me down to think that I could never win the hearts of music fans with singing talent, even though I rock at guitar.

I then thought about what almost every experienced singer has told me, though. They all echo something along the lines of, "good singing is all about falling in love with your own voice." It's like game. Anyone who hates their voice will sound terrible to others, and will not be able to give a good performance. Anyone who does love their own voice, however, will always be able to captivate the ears of some types of people.

Think about all the famous voices you've ever heard, and all the bands that you love to listen to. I'm sure you know some people that hate some of these singers, and plenty of people that love them. The same goes for a pickup artist; some types of women will throw their panties off in a heartbeat for some pure expressions of Don Juanery while some types of women will be turned off by the same pickup by the same PUA.

The universal attraction switches are still valid, as are the universal rules of music theory. Music theory dictates what sounds good and what sounds bad to an extent, but it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. Pickup theories dictate what is attractive and what isn't to an extent, but, again, it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. You can follow the rules to dramatically increase your effectiveness in giving a great performance, but you can never win em all.

But who the hell actually cares about winning them all? A "real" musician doesn't concern himself with fame and fortune. Musicians who let their egos get the best of them end up recording a really shitty second album. All that real musicians care about is finding the best and most artistic way to express what they're really feeling. They want to reach the audience that they can relate to the most on the deepest level possible, and so should the pickup artist. Doing so brings a deep sense of fulfillment like no other. This is why so many pickup gurus stress the importance of finding out what exactly you're looking for in a woman because you're exhaustively wasting time and energy if you're trying to focus on attracting ALL women in general.

Find your style, your genre, your target audience. It's all about finding yourself.

It all starts with you.

Here's some heavy stuff.

When I was in middle school, I was depressed. It was pretty bad. I thought nobody in the world could ever really care about me. In turn, I didn't give a damn about anyone, myself, the world, whatever. I saw life through a narrow pessimistic scope. I saw myself as worthless, useless, and also as a victim. I had no faith in humanity or its potential to love. I remember one time I was sitting at my desk, reaching for the nearest long sharp object I could grab hold of. It was a foot-long pair of scissors and I held the sharp end against my neck. Fuck writing a note or a last letter; I didn't give a shit. I was sitting in front of my computer because that's where I usually was. I was pretty withdrawn and not very social, which explains why I would just be in front of the computer a lot, but of course I had that secret desire to be able to have fun and be social with others, so I was logged onto AOL Instant Messenger. By sheer coincidence, right as I was about to escape by shoving those scissors through my throat, a window pops up. It's an Instant Message from one of my female friends, Emily.

Emily was the type of girl who was just naturally happy and joyful, and she had the habit of doing something that pickup artists call "giving value," or just sharing the feeling of love and positivity with others. She just randomly IMed me with "I love you!" out of the blue. At the time I just thought it was a sign from God (I used to be Christian) that He wanted me to continue living, that He had some sort of plan for me, so I put the scissors down. As a Zen Buddhist and as a "pickup artist" now, I look back at that and see something else, something more. I had no faith in humanity. I didn't think anyone could genuinely care about other people. Emily, though, loved and cared about everyone in her life. She saw friends as family and strangers as friends. She would not hesitate to go out of her way for the sake of helping others. I see humanity as a whole very differently now. I know the potential for human beings to love each other, to live a life of compassion, mostly because I can now see that potential within myself. In my life's journey since that day with the scissors, I think I have become one of these kinds of people, or at least I am striving to become one. I think that's just beautiful.

I think every pickup artist MUST develop this positive habit. RSD talks about giving value. As much as I hate to quote him, Mehow talks about giving value. Mark Redman, the relatively new guru on College Game who automatically subscribes you to a "Mastermind Program" by taking money from your bank account monthly without giving enough warning ahead of time when you buy his ebook, refers to it as "giving love." Plenty of pickup companies nowadays are catching on because the habit of giving value is an extraordinarily attractive trait.

I think that the GENUINE habit of giving value is rooted in the feeling of compassion. I believe that all human beings are naturally compassionate. To have compassion for others, one must understand others. To understand others, one must understand himself. Some people have great difficulty in expressing their compassion because they allow themselves to be blinded by ego. Now, where did this ego come from?

When a man isn't self-aware, he allows his ego to creep up to compensate for the metaphorical wounds he has suffered from early on in his life. This is practically unavoidable, unless the man has had a perfect childhood. We usually call those guys "Naturals," by the way. Not to say that ALL Natural pickup artists have been raised flawlessly, of course.

The ego disallows us from accepting reality as it is, which in turn disallows us from taking the right actions toward positive change. For example, our ego tells us to stay in our comfort zone by telling us that we are "good enough," when in reality we want to IMPROVE. A man can let his ego tell him that doing cold approaches isn't his "style." A man can let his ego tell him that he doesn't need to read a book on pickup or relationships because he is above doing things like that. A man can let his ego tell him that he doesn't need to challenge himself by moving onto level 2 because he's already good at level 1. Ultimately, the ego makes us closed-minded.

A man does have the ability, however, to muster enough self-control to tame his ego. Trust me, Buddhists do it all the time. It takes humility to hold an empty cup, but it's easy to have humility when you can admit to yourself that you are currently not the best man you could possibly be, but you are striving to become your best self. As my friend RedpoleQ once said, "A man isn't what you are. A man is what you become."

Once someone lets go of ego, it becomes easy to practice non-resistance. I learned from RSD's Blueprint program that resistance is actually an emotion we feel. Once we accept reality for what it is by NOT letting ourselves feel resistance (come on, we're men so we can control our own emotions), we can allow ourselves to take the right actions to change our very reality. To me this is like an amazing 2-step program that can solve any problem. First, you accept yourself and reality. Then, you take right action to change yourself and reality.

All of this leads to a greater sense of self-awareness, which leads to a greater sense of understanding, which leads to an unlocking of your naturally compassionate nature, which leads to an unlocking of your natural habit of giving love and value, which leads to attracting more people, *cough*which leads to you getting laid*cough*. All of this makes you a better person in the end, which allows for a greater opportunity in leaving everyone you interact with better than you found them.

Imagine a world full of compassion and positive energy like that. Wow, right? And it all starts with you.

Passion for pickup

I've got some exciting news!

Brad sold pick-up-artist-forum.com to Richard La Ruina, aka Gambler, of PUA Training. We've got a lot of new things planned for the future of PUAF with the new leadership. Mr. La Ruina has also made me a Site Administrator, and I've already set a lot of things in motion to make the forum better and higher-quality.

I also recorded an interview I did with a natural today and it shall be available on the website shortly.

Anyway, I was having a conversation with one of my pledge brothers today and he was asking me why I do this whole pickup thing.

I remember when I first started liking girls. I was really young - second grade. My first crush was this blonde girl named Jessica, and that's all I remember about her. From that early age I started developing a deep appreciation for feminimity and for both the pain and joy it brings to my life. I learned to really love women. Seriously, I love women to death now. I think they're the most beautiful creations on the face of this planet, physically, mentally, spiritually. I am grateful for pickup; it showed me how to express my appreciation for such beauty without being a creeper lol.

My pledge brother was under the impression that I saw women as objects, and he brought it up when I was comparing pickup to a hobby that he liked to do, swimming.

I told him that, like pickup, the reason a swimmer would continue swimming after he had achieved all he wanted to achieve (mastering the discipline, winning trophies and competitions, etc.) would be because he simply loved to swim.

"OK, so if pickup is to women as swimming is to water, wouldn't that mean you're treating women as things?" he asked. By his logic, water is a thing, and according to that analogy, a woman would also be a thing.

I poured my heart out when I replied, connecting to that part of me that really felt a loving passion for the female half of our species, "No. Even though I'm not a swimmer, I can imagine that if I were a swimmer who was really passionate about swimming, I wouldn't see water as a thing. I'd look out into the ocean and I wouldn't just see WATER. I'd see a partner. Every droplet of water that touches my skin when I'm moving through that ocean would be a little taste of enlightenment. And I would feel on a gut-level that the ocean was actually HAPPY for me to swim in it."

"Touche."

-Chief