Ask Chief: Conversational Transitions

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about transitioning from one conversational topic to the next. Specifically, the question is about my style of how to make good conversation with women, which is all about knowing what you seek in women and finding out everything you can about the personality of the woman you're talking to in order to see if she's right for you. "Riter" asks:

How would you transition the conversation? For example, if I want to know if she is outgoing and then later in the conversation I would like to know if she is kind? Basically, transitioning is where I am concerned because sometimes I stay on one topic and I perceive it as dragged out.

There is no one right answer to this question. Different PUAs have different conversational styles, and they would all sound different even if they were all to use my basic conversational framework.

For example, Juggler tells people that "the best transition is no transition." In the context of routines, he tells people to not worry about transitioning from routine to routine and just go onto the next one even if it seems abrupt. You can pull this off by jumping from one conversational topic to the next even if it doesn't feel "smooth" as long as you make that your style.

On the other hand, you've got teachers like Mystery telling people about multi-threading - to start talking about one thing, cutting it off in the middle, starting a new topic, cutting it off in the middle, starting a new topic, and so on and so forth. It might be difficult for a man to maintain his sanity with this conversational style, but it is the language of women.

What I like to do is to continue diving deeper and deeper. I might ask a woman one simple, shallow question like where her hometown is or what her dream was when she was a kid, then I'd continue talking about her while steering the conversation in a very emotional direction. Along the way of finding out deeper things about her on the same topic of her childhood dream job, I will likely find out other things about her, ask her things only somewhat related to the main topic but more related to something else, etc. If I were to visually represent how this system of conversational transitions looks, it would probably look like a tree with a shit ton of long branches and heavy roots. It's almost like you're leading her into telling a very interesting story, and you're showing her how to tell a story in an interesting way. It might help to look up some resources on effective story-telling. This way should make the two of you feel like things are not being dragged out. You're talking about the same topic but you're not talking about the same topic at the same time.

If you're trying to use my style, you'll know that you're doing it right when she's telling you her most intimate secrets.

Ask Chief: Cultural Stereotypes

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about seduction in different countries. "Little Panda" asks:

Should you adapt to a culture you're just being introduced to, according to the stereotypical way women's mentality works? So for example, somebody visiting Korea might have heard that women are usually sexually repressed and therefore can't handle the kind of game the person in question is playing. 

Is it now better for the person to attempt changing his game, just so he can adapt to this 'culture' which is just a stereotype - or should stereotypes like as such not be taken too much in consideration? 

Because every time I talk to my friends about visiting a certain country, they all seem to have an already established image/stereotype of the women there. 

"Oh dude, you should totally not go there. Women are so much harder to game in country X than they are in country Y . . ." - Which generally annoys me because it all sounds like bullshit and I don't believe you should adapt your game to a whole culture based on rumors/stereotypes, but rather the specific woman you're gaming. 

When I first came to Korea, I ignored cultural differences and just thought "game is game no matter where you go." While that's true to an extent, ignoring cultural differences is foolish.

I only got so far by trying to push forward with what I've always done. Korean girls already expected that I would be different from the Korean guys since I'm a foreigner, so I got a lot of leeway for my "unusual" behavior, but I was still hitting some roadblocks. For example, I think that using the same indirect game I used in America resulted in a ton of more pointless lost time and effort, so I adapted by being more direct.

If you want the best results, you have to adapt to your circumstances. With that said, however, I'd say that your friends are wrong to say that women are "harder" to game in a certain country compared to another country - the game is just different in some ways.

The thing that frustrates me the most about women in Korea is that they're generally less sexually experienced and also generally more sexually conservative. That makes it more inconvenient for me when I'm trying to use some sexual framing and whatnot, but it still works as long as I approach it from a different angle. Sometimes, I still revert back to my default sexualization game here out of laziness and I feel like it's "harder" to game in Korea, but that's not necessarily true.

Even the cultural difference of Korean women being generally less sexually experienced than American women can be a non-issue if you change up your game a little bit, and in some ways it can make seduction even easier (yet still more difficult if I just did what I usually did in America). For example, if I play up the frame that I'm safely "guiding" her and showing her this whole new world of perverse freedom within a nonjudgmental bubble, it works better than if I'd try it on a more experienced American girl. In America, more often than not I treated women like sexual equals who can keep up with me in bed. That frame isn't as relevant with the women I've met here in Korea, though.

It's not so much the stereotypes you should concern yourself with, but the real cultural differences that PUAs in that country will tell you about. The average stereotype you hear around may be true or false when it comes down to it. Knowing which ones are true and which ones are false will also be very useful. Also keep in mind that actually believing in the wrong stereotypes will greatly hinder you like a limiting belief. You do, however, need to at least be aware of how the culture affects social scripts.

Ask Chief: Being Called a Player

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about being called a "player" by girls. "Chris2k10" asks:

Are you supposed to avoid coming off as a player? What messes me up the most is the player vibe even though the girl knows she's really attracted to me. My current and only solution for this is, "If you say so" with a humble smile on. What's your insight on this, should I handle it differently or what?

Different styles work better for some people than others. Has your "If you say so" + humble smile response ever gotten in the way of a lay? I like the sound of it.

You also have to keep in mind that every girl is different, too. Some are more open to the idea of playing with a player but others have repeatedly gotten hurt from playing with other players in the past. One of the things I say is "I don't play people," and I'm congruent with that since my style tends to be more straightforward.

When you're a little deeper into mid-game, though, exposing vulnerabilities should render all of those "player" accusations as irrelevant anyway.

Ask Chief: Sexual Framing

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. I'd like to start sharing these questions and answers with you here! Here's a question about sexual framing. "Jimbob30" asks:

So basically, I open direct. Day game BTW. Something along the lines of "Hey how you doin. Wow, you have some beautiful eyes! They're not contacts are they?"

What do I say after that to frame the convo sexually? I know I can throw in the Strawberry fields & misinterpretation further into the convo, but what do I say before then?

The creative possibilities are endless.

When I was trying to get used to sexual framing back in the day, someone gave me some valuable advice: put your mind in the gutter.

I don't know where you're from but "Get your mind out of the gutter" is a common American saying that means "stop thinking like a sexual animal."

If you start trying to think of everything in a perverted way, you'll eventually get very skilled at putting a sexual spin on everything that cums your way, which is essentially sexual framing.

Like most guys, you're probably not used to doing this. Society conditions us to associate shame with our sexual thoughts. As a result, most guys suppress these thoughts; no one wants to be the bad guy! The way I see it, though, shame is the bigger sin here.

So, what words should you say? Once you get used to thinking sexually, you'll master sexual framing. Memorizing lines is not the answer. It misses the point of the art entirely. Penis.