Chief's PUA Journey

Frustrated with pickup?

2011-12-20T01:40:00.000-08:00

If you're anything like me, you've tried so many pickup and seduction methods that it all feels like hard work. It also feels like you're putting in a ton of effort while getting a lot less progress and results than you expected. It's really quite frustrating at times.

If you've read my review on 60 Years of Challenge, then you already have pretty decent idea of how his method makes pickup practically effortless. I'm endorsing 60YOC because I really do believe that his work is a milestone in the pickup community and even renders a lot of the mainstream methods obsolete. Click here to check out his stuff if you haven't already. This material makes pickup EASY.

In other news, I'll soon be releasing an audio program of my very own. For those of you who like my fun and straightforward style of game, this will be a very exciting thing to look forward to! I plan on making it as comprehensive as possible to deliver a whole bootcamp within a home study course. Like I said about my previous workshops that I've held in the US, YOU WILL BE LIVING AND BREATHING GAME. Watch this space.

For now, I think you'll be very happy with what 60 Years of Challenge has to offer. Check him out!

-Chief

Ask Chief: Being Called a Player

2011-11-29T17:04:00.001-08:00

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. Here's a question about being called a "player" by girls. "Chris2k10" asks:

Are you supposed to avoid coming off as a player? What messes me up the most is the player vibe even though the girl knows she's really attracted to me. My current and only solution for this is, "If you say so" with a humble smile on. What's your insight on this, should I handle it differently or what?

Different styles work better for some people than others. Has your "If you say so" + humble smile response ever gotten in the way of a lay? I like the sound of it.

You also have to keep in mind that every girl is different, too. Some are more open to the idea of playing with a player but others have repeatedly gotten hurt from playing with other players in the past. One of the things I say is "I don't play people," and I'm congruent with that since my style tends to be more straightforward.

When you're a little deeper into mid-game, though, exposing vulnerabilities should render all of those "player" accusations as irrelevant anyway.

Korean Inhibitions

2011-11-19T20:51:00.001-08:00

As some of you may already know, I've recently been hired into the Korea branch of PUA Training by the Korea-famous PUA Alexikakos, who shall later be translating this article into Korean for the Korean bootcamp students. Although I'm there to help out on the bootcamps taught in English for the foreign students, I've had the opportunity to observe and work with some Korean students as well.

I've never been officially employed by any real pickup company before this, but I still have plenty of experience teaching and coaching countless guys in America become successful with women. Guys who need to learn pickup from all cultures all have essentially the same types of problems; everyone needs more confidence, everyone needs to learn how to be less sexually judgmental, everyone needs to work on body language, everyone needs a better abundance mentality and internal locus of control, etc. The main difference between different cultures, though, is that the average guy from one culture may need to work more in one area than an average guy from another culture.

An important factor to look at when comparing Korea to western cultures such as that of America is the fact that Korea leans more toward collectivism. Koreans value social harmony and they don't really like standing out from the crowd, at least compared to Americans. As a result, Korean guys tend to be less outspoken and more shy.

The problem of being shy for a Korean man isn't as simple as him just feeling disinclined to approach women. That's just one of many symptoms of a deeper issue. As I was trying to train one of the Korean students in field during a bootcamp, I started off by trying to get him out of his comfort zone by playing a game with him. I went out with him to the middle of the dancefloor where everyone could see us. I then told him to copy exactly what I did. I proceeded to do some silly things such as jumping around like an idiot. If you're already familiar with pickup, you would know that this sort of exercise would help you get out of shell and thus perform better in field.

This student, however, was what you might call "stifled." He was supposed to copy exactly what I did, but if I jumped two feet into the air, he would only jump up a few inches. He was far too worried about what other people might think of him. Now, I know what you might be thinking. EVERYONE who's trying to learn pickup has this problem. They are self-conscious and inside their own heads way too much. While that may be true, it's certainly more pronounced in Korean men. The fear of going against social convention here can be greater than the fear of being raped by a big black guy. If being gay were the hip new trend in Korea, all the men here would try to become gay. We can already observe this trend in Korea as many Korean men carry purses and wear makeup. Look at the male Korean pop groups and tell me that they don't look like little girls.

Straight Korean men would rather look like these gay dandy boys than go against social convention. I think that proves how powerful the collectivist influence can be in this country.

Getting back to the point, it's not just that these guys are shy. It's a lot more than that. Korean men - and this is probably true for most Asian men as well - mostly grew up in a way that restricts self-expression. The pickup arts, like any other art, is all about self-expression. No matter which way you slice it, you need to know how to express yourself confidently and unapologetically in order to do pickup right. It's going to be very difficult for a girl to like and trust anyone who always seems like he's trying to hide something, and that's exactly what these men are doing. They are trying to hide themselves.

If I'm describing you in the above paragraphs I've written, then you need to take some action to free yourself from fear and to peel away the socially imposed layers of shame that hinder your self-expression.

This issue is a matter of both inner and outer game, but like all things in pickup it's mostly about habits. You can waste your days away with affirmations and other mental masturbation exercises like that if you want, but if you want to make some real changes then you need to start changing your behavioral habits.

The issue of being stifled and limiting your self-expression isn't one simple behavioral habit, however. It's something that's manifested in basically everything that you do. It's an attitude that doesn't fear embarrassment, values the fundamental concept of expression of self (rather than trying to make an impression of someone else), and is far more concerned with what you think of others than with what others might be thinking of you.

Next time you go out, I want you to be thinking about whether or not your actions are a full expression of yourself of if you're holding yourself back just because you don't want to stand out from the crowd. If you catch yourself making the mistake of inhibiting your self-expression, then do whatever it takes to express what you really wanted to express! Make it a habit of acting more on your impulses and that will eventually translate into a more effective pickup.

-Chief

Ask Chief: Sexual Framing

2011-10-25T03:59:00.000-07:00

Every now and then I get a really good question from a user on MPUAForum.com and I try to answer them to the best of my ability. I'd like to start sharing these questions and answers with you here! Here's a question about sexual framing. "Jimbob30" asks:

So basically, I open direct. Day game BTW. Something along the lines of "Hey how you doin. Wow, you have some beautiful eyes! They're not contacts are they?"
What do I say after that to frame the convo sexually? I know I can throw in the Strawberry fields & misinterpretation further into the convo, but what do I say before then?

The creative possibilities are endless.

When I was trying to get used to sexual framing back in the day, someone gave me some valuable advice: put your mind in the gutter.

I don't know where you're from but "Get your mind out of the gutter" is a common American saying that means "stop thinking like a sexual animal."

If you start trying to think of everything in a perverted way, you'll eventually get very skilled at putting a sexual spin on everything that cums your way, which is essentially sexual framing.

Like most guys, you're probably not used to doing this. Society conditions us to associate shame with our sexual thoughts. As a result, most guys suppress these thoughts; no one wants to be the bad guy! The way I see it, though, shame is the bigger sin here.

So, what words should you say? Once you get used to thinking sexually, you'll master sexual framing. Memorizing lines is not the answer. It misses the point of the art entirely. Penis.

A New Direction

2011-08-26T08:51:00.000-07:00

I've come to realize something about myself.

I am not a sex addict. Not even close.

I've taken the past few days to take a break from girls and dating and pickup in order to give myself a chance to do some self-reflection.

In all my years of doing this whole pickup artist thing, there have certainly been times where I used girls for sex just to feel good, and they've used me the same ways and for the same reasons, too. I don't like that shit; I guess I never have liked that. The Buddha teaches to not use people, and for good reason. Humans should be treated like humans.

There have also been times where girls and I felt a genuine connection, and we used sex as an expression of what we felt for each other. This is good. I like that shit. I didn't even get into pickup just for sex. Hell, I was just 14 years old at the time. All I wanted was an escape from loneliness.

There's a lesson I've learned more than once: I enjoy sex a lot more if I wait a little while, and I enjoy it less if we have sex quickly and without a real connection. I now know why this is the case.

I'm freeing myself from the dehumanization of counting lays and viewing women as a means to achieve pleasure. Instead, I'll do what Zan Perrion does. Out of any pickup guru the Seduction Community has to offer, he is the one that you can truly call a "lover," at least from what I've learned from him.

Women are beautiful and absolutely wonderful; I really appreciate everything they offer in my life and I am not going to let myself treat them as anything less than human. So, I will no longer seduce them just for the sake of the seduction. I won't go for a lay for the sake of the lay. I'll just seduce them if I really like them.

I guess that means I'm at where I wanted to be all along with all this pickup stuff. Awesome.

-Chief

I'm Single Again!

2011-05-31T23:50:00.000-07:00

I just got out of the best relationship ever. It lasted a year and she was an amazing girlfriend, though I wasn't exactly the best boyfriend. Our relationship ran its course, as all things do, and I will always remember it as a great experience with treasured memories.

So... I'm back in the game, guys and girls. Watch out, because I did NOT get rusty. ;)

Managing Expectations for FWB Relationship

2011-01-31T03:58:00.000-08:00

Managing Expectations: The process of making sure that the girl you are seducing doesn't expect more than you're willing to offer. For example, making sure that a girl doesn't expect marriage when all you're looking for is a one night stand.

FWB: Friend With Benefits.

The first layer of my process of managing expectations is something I've already posted in my Outer Game thread here: http://www.pick-up-artist-forum.com/chiefs-guide-to-outer-game-vt75887.html

" As a practitioner of the pickup arts you have an obligation to try your best to adhere to the rule of "Leave her better than you found her." Different people have different interpretations of this phrase, but regardless of how you see it, you need to manage expectations properly in order stay consistent with that rule.

Another big reason to manage expectations properly is to quickly cut through bullshit that wastes your time and to prevent drama. So it's really better for everyone. Don't be afraid of losing a girl if she's strictly looking for a relationship while you're just looking to get laid with no strings attached. There are plenty of beautiful women who will fuck just for a good fuck, and they won't try to attach all those strings to you if you don't want them.

So, how do we manage expectations properly? It's simple, really:

Tell her what you're looking for, or tell her what you're not looking for.

For example, if you're not looking for a relationship, one "I'm not looking for a relationship. I just want to have fun for now!" will suffice. If you actually are in this for a girlfriend, one "I'm looking to meet the right girl" will do just fine. Squeeze one of those types of lines into your conversation somewhere that's contextually relevant.

Sure, if you happen to have a random drunk hookup with a girl from the bar or club, most of the time it will be understood by both parties that it was just a drunk hookup and nothing more. Still, though, always manage expectations as a rule of thumb. Make your intentions clear as soon as you feel that spark of electric sexual tension in the air between you and her.

Being honest will never compromise your seduction as long as you remain consistently honest. Besides, this model of seduction isn't based on "value" like some other methods, so you have no reason to be dishonest in the first place when you're using this stuff.

Oh, and if you're still unsure about what you're looking for (girlfriend, fuck buddies, friends with benefits, one night stands, multiple wives, dominatrix mistress, etc.), figure it out first. How are you supposed to be upfront with your intentions if you don't know what the hell your intentions are in the first place? Don't be a blind guy flailing around in the dark. Man up and shoot straight. "

...but that's not the end of it. There are more layers to it, and it involves some heavy frame control. I didn't post this process in full detail in my Outer Game thread because this is specifically tailored to establish a "friends with benefits" relationship while my Outer Game thread is for general purposes. So, if you want FWBs, read on.

First off, what's the difference between a Friend With Benefits and a Fuck Buddy? There's a fine line between FWB and FB, but in my opinion they are different. A Fuck Buddy type of relationship is primarily built on no-strings-attached sex with little or no regard to building a genuine human-to-human connection, but a FWB is someone you actually care about as a friend. You see her as a friend first and a sex partner second. You share a limited amount of emotional connection and intimacy as any two good friends would. If you stop having sex (benefits) with her, you're still friends. Sound good? Having both your need for affection and your need for sex fulfilled without commitment is pretty excellent. Sure, it's not as deep and meaningful as an exclusive LTR but you get the chance to fill your life with female friends who fuck you. More abundance leads to a better position in life and a greater immunity to oneitis. So, without further ado, the following is my multi-layered method of managing expectations to make a wonderful FWB relationship with the girls you seduce.

Layer 1: Verbal statement

See above quote.

Layer 2: Establishing the roles

While the first layer of my expectations management involved an explicit verbal statement at the first sign of some strong sexual tension, the second layer is all about the roles you play and frame control after you have sex. The frame you establish will assign the roles that the two of you will play within the interaction(s) you share.

If you establish a frame of exclusive lovers, the two of you will play the boyfriend/girlfriend roles. In plain English, if you behave like a boyfriend, she's going to start seeing you as a boyfriend. If you treat her like your girlfriend, she's going to start seeing herself as your girlfriend. This is, unfortunately for you, a pretty standard frame that you're going to fall into if you don't do something about it. Being affectionate like an exclusive lover comes pretty naturally, and that might send her the wrong message.

You're going to operate from a drastically different frame and play different roles here. Using frame control, you're essentially going to put a cap on how much "attraction" she feels for you so that things don't go in the LTR direction. How would we pull that off? It's quite simple, really. Trigger her maternity instincts.

A competent man makes the perfect husband. You don't want an LTR, so don't play the role of a competent man. Triggering her maternity instincts is as simple as controlling the frame by playing the role of an incompetent boy. Let her take care of you by getting her to help you with menial shit like laundry, ironing, cooking, cleaning, money matters, and other daily chores. Have her take care of you if you get sick and show her how weak and pathetic you can be. Rely on her like a mommy. Do you have a good friend that you ask for advice and help on simple matters like this? Treat her like that friend.

No girl wants to be in a relationship with a guy who can't even take care of himself, but they love taking care of kids. Triggering her maternity instincts kills any chances for romantic love to blossom. Romantic love bad. Friends who care about each other good.

On top of establishing a frame that triggers her maternity instincts, you'll want to keep a safe emotional distance from her so that things don't get too intimate. Don't get too personal about discussing your/her feelings and shit. Keep the friendship as casual and cool as possible without devolving it to "acquaintances." Cuddling is fine, but don't overdo it. Be nice to her; don't forget that she's your friend.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

Layer 3: Solidifying the frame

This layer goes back to the mid-game, but also plays into the post-game like the previous layer. You will want to reinforce the we-are-friends-who-just-happen-to-have-sex-from-time-to-time-with-no-strings-attached frame with implicit verbal expressions.

At some point in your mid-game, you may find an opportunity or two to express your views on relationships and etc. If you don't find one, make one. When my friend taught me how to play pool, he told me "there's always a shot," meaning that there is always a way to sink one of your balls into a pocket on any given turn. This is true for shit in pickup as well. There is always an opportunity for talking about sex and relationships, escalation, kino, framing, or even the right neg if need be. Seduction is a blank canvas and you are the painter.

When expressing your views, be sure to mention the right views that will further manage her expectations. I might say something like, "Yeah, I think everyone in the world just needs to have way more sex with more people without worrying so much about exclusive relationships all the time." That, of course, is an extreme example, though. Calibrate according to your situation.

"Don't you hate it when a guy you only met recently becomes so attached and obsessed with you just because you fucked him or even just gave him a smile? It's like he desperately wants to be your boyfriend. I don't do relationships because that kinda shit just creeps me out." You get the idea. Use your imagination.

After sex, I like to give hints that she should have an active sex life outside of our own fun encounters. I do this because: 1. Actually having sex with people other than me will dramatically decrease her chances of wanting to be exclusive with me and 2. It reinforces the message that you don't want to be exclusive with her. "So, you meet any cute guys when you went out last night?" I might ask something like this in a way a curious gossipy friend might ask.

Where to go from here

All in all, a FWB situation is pretty baller. Of course, as a rule of thumb you should aim to have more than just one FWB in your rotation. Furthermore, it's easy to ease out of a good FWB relationship back into a "just friends" sort of situation if you don't want to fuck her anymore. All you have to do is play up Layer 2, not have sex with her, and still be there for her as a friend. The FWB status is also good because you can easily get into an exclusive relationship with one of your girls if you find yourself falling for her or whatnot. All you have to do is frame control to switch roles from incompetent boy to romantic lover. And, you'll know your feelings for her are genuine and not based on oneitis because you have other girls in your rotation. This shit is so full of win it's not even funny.

As a final piece of awesomeness, I shall leave you with this: http://smokingkillsme.files.wordpress.com/2008/07/34j3rzm.jpg

Comfort Manipulation (Online, Text, and Phone Game)

2011-01-26T21:26:00.001-08:00

Think you got the perfect text game? Phone game? ONLINE GAME?

Think again.

Every interaction you have with a woman is going to further establish a comfort zone for both you and her - especially her - within the frame of the interaction you make. The more you interact with her through a certain medium of communication, the more she'll be accustomed to interacting with you through that very medium. On top of that, she's going to feel less inclined to interact with you in any other way.

Now, what does this mean in plain English? It means if you keep talking to her through the internet, text, or phone call, she will NOT want to meet you face to face. The more you do it, the less she'll want to meet you.

I know you're scared. We're all scared of something. I know that you're scared of actually putting yourself out there and risking some real face to face rejection. If you get ignored online, you can take it and it's no big deal. Well, you're being a fucking pussy and you won't get anywhere with that kind of scared attitude. You signed up to play this game and you should have known that this shit was for big boys. SBAP

Since the name of the game is seduction, interacting with women face to face is ideal because you can't fuck an online username or a phone number. You don't want to go and make her too comfortable with talking to you through just text. Manipulating this "text comfort" to your advantage is quite simple. All you have to do is limit the text-based communication between you and her as much as possible. Use it only for logistical purposes like arranging a face to face meetup. Don't bother trying to create attraction or whatnot through a text or phone call because there's actually more opportunities to fuck things up when the interaction isn't face to face. She can take a "hello" over text message in a million different ways and you aren't there to control the frame with body language, facial expressions, state transfer, etc. All other variables excluded, the chance that she'll read your message in a bad way is just as high as the chance she'll read it in the way you want her to.

You want her to feel the most comfortable interacting with you face to face. Open up and let her feel good when you're face to face and make texts and online chats feel somewhat like a freeze-out. Phone calls are a gray area since voice tone comes into play, but play it safe and play the game when you can actually see and touch each other.

Attraction is BULLSHIT

2010-10-19T06:18:00.001-07:00

She and I take taxis to bounce to different bars until we find one that's actually open. It's fucking late. During our taxi adventure and our time at this late-night bar, I run all of my best material... but kino escalation is slow and dragging. I eventually end up sitting with my arm around her at the bar, talking to her with our faces very close. By this time I had already done some NLP, I elicited her values, bullshitted some playful palm reading, wrote and drew all over her hands, anchored her core values to me, demonstrated plenty of value, cold read like it was going out of style, exposed vulnerabilities, elicited her vulnerabilities, push-pulled, etc... but apparently NOTHING WAS FUCKING WORKING. I email-closed and number-closed her, but is that really game? Not at this point.

In our rapport building I learned that she broke up with her ex-boyfriend two months ago and she was still hung up about it. She still had a picture of him and her for her cell-phone wallpaper. Sure, I inspired her to change the picture with my routines that have to do with living in the moment, but I still could not kiss-close. I persisted and did the whole 1-step-back then 2-steps-forward thing, but I still could not kiss-close. Nothing was working. I might as well have been talking to a plant.

This is from a Field Report I wrote in 2008 titled "FR: I might as well have been talking to a plant"

This FR was essentially the spark that started the forest fire; it was the beginning of my realization of something BIG.

I didn't immediately realize it at the time, but after that night the thoughts just sat there growing and growing at the back of my mind. At the time of writing of that FR, I had already spent nearly 5 years studying everything that the mainstream PUA community had to offer: Mystery, Style, Ross Jeffries, David Deangelo, Mehow, Hypnotica, Steve P, Carlos Xuma, Gambler, and many, many more. I can't tell you how, but I got my hands on all of the best material from all those gurus.

When it came to attraction, I knew how to do it all. I could tell custom DHV stories, I could microcalibrate to preserve high value, I could cold read like a pro, I could elicit values, I could anchor positive feelings, I could AMOG, I could be C&F, I could push/pull, I could expose vulnerabilities to establish deeper trust while still preserving value... I had a full deck of cards up my sleeve, figuratively speaking. Figuratively? Fuck, I even learned how to read Tarot cards! Needless to say, I could play the game and I could do it damn well... or so I thought.

It took my dumb ass a long time to notice a pattern from all the experiences I've had with women. Things finally clicked when I shifted my focus from the"attraction = value" school of thought to the "attraction = sexual tension/arousal" school of thought.

What did I realize about all those attraction techniques like DHVing and cold reading that I listed above? Well, I realized that...

NONE OF THAT SHIT MATTERED. THEY HAD LITTLE OR NOTHING TO DO WITH THE REASON WHY THOSE WOMEN HAD SEX WITH ME.

I also realized that the things that actually mattered, or the things that actually had any sort of direct relevance to seduction, were very few in number. None of that shit taught by mainstream pickup about attraction actually mattered - they're just there to distract us from simplicity.

Those mainstream techniques tend NOT to address creating sexual tension. Unfortunately, what PUAs should be focusing on is the very sexual tension that DHVs don't address. We're seduced into believing that these attraction techniques will create this "attraction" thing we can barely define, and in the end that attraction is supposed to generate sexual tension on its own somehow, right? Come on! What the fuck! This sounds more like religion than science to me.

What's even worse is that you had the mainstreams teachers telling you that you needed to have mastered their entire system to be a PUA (they called this "solid game"), and to just ignore the one night stands you get when you didn't run your entire routine stack because they are "fool's mate." Please don't tell me how you can't see how ridiculous that is.

Fortunately for me, I eventually found "gurus" that taught the shit that actually had anything to do with actually getting laid. I've heard them referred to as "the sexual tension guys" by some community members. Unfortunately for the community, though, these sexual tension guys - like Gunwitch and 60 Years of Challenge - are NOT mainstream. In fact, those two names are probably THE most mainstream of the sexual tension guys. Ever heard of Aaron Sleazy? No? Yeah, I know. Hey, it's not your fault that these guys never had their own reality show. Fuck you, VH1.

The good news is that even some of the mainstream guys are starting to wise up. Gambler teaches a lot of sexual tension stuff now, and even the MM and MM-related companies are starting to upgrade their shit thanks to the threat of losing business. Those MM guys will probably never admit that most of their material is bullshit, though, and the bullshit will still always be there in the mainstream to distract you from simplicity.

If you ever find yourself getting nowhere with a girl after running routine after routine, technique after technique, that's when you might start to see what I've seen. There's a reason why I barely ever use the word "attraction" anymore. On the other hand, if you have consistently gotten great results from using that shit, awesome. However, consider the possibility that you're getting laid not because of the attraction techniques, but because you're creating sexual tension someway, somehow. Then, get rid of everything that has nothing to do with creating that sexual tension and start focusing on the shit that directly addresses sexual tension and escalation; you'll get the same fucking results - perhaps even better results - and you'll save a shit ton of time and effort.

That FR I wrote in 2008 was the beginning of my awakening, like starting to wake up under that half-sleep-half-conscious state. The final slap in the face that got me fully alert was probably 60 Years of Challenge. Yeah, I know this damn thing sounds like a fucking advertisement now but I'm not trying to make it like that. Sorry if I did.

-Chief

PS Check out my previous blog post if you're curious about that 60 Years of Challenge guy.

60 Years of Challenge

2010-08-30T23:10:00.000-07:00

I've been barking through the grapevine lately about how I think 60 Years of Challenge's stuff is the best I've seen since I've been in the PUA/Seduction Community since 2003. A lot of newbies ask, "Who is the best guru?" I tell them, "60 Years of Challenge." They then ask me, "Who wrote that?" I tell them, "No, dude, that's his name. Yeah, it's weird. Don't ask me why he named himself that because I have no idea."

Back in February of 2010, I wrote a review on Vin DiCarlo's ebook "The Attraction Code" and how I thought it was the best ebook on pickup I've ever read. I would say 60's "Complete Game System" pretty much tops that. It's a whole new level.

60 actually gives something new to the community instead of rehashing old ideas from Mystery and David Deangelo like everybody else. His method can be compared with Gunwitch Method, but to me it feels like an upgraded and simpler version. There are many aspects to the method, but they are all incredibly easy to apply and the entire thing can be summed up in one phrase: less is more.

Check out this awesome article that he wrote for a taste: Anti-Manifesto

The Anti-Manifesto will show you just how easy it is for anyone to control sexual tension.

Of course, I applied 60's method for myself. Check out the Lay Report I wrote: LR: I don't like bad boys

It was one of the, if not the, easiest lay I've ever gotten using anything I've learned from the community.

60's material is definitely a major milestone in the pickup community. It's one of those "must reads" you can't miss. And, to be honest, you really won't need to read anything else. Except my blog, of course. ;)

Check out 60 Years of Challenge by clicking here.

-Chief

An Easy Guide to Clothes Shopping

2010-08-24T17:41:00.000-07:00

This is a simple guide for men on how to shop smart when shopping for clothes. The goal of this guide is not seduction; the goal is to buy clothes that look good on you.

The most important prerequisite of this guide is to have an open mind about what you might want to wear. Don't be afraid to try a new look.

The next most important prerequisite is money. The more you are willing to spend, the more clothes you'll be able to buy. The last time I did this, I spent a little less than $100 and bought 2 shirts and a belt. And, needless to say, I was very satisfied with my purchases.

Step 1
Call a female friend who you think dresses well and ask her if she has a good sense of fashion. She will most likely say yes.

Step 2
Use the foot-in-the-door phenomenon (Yes Ladder) and ask her if she wants to go shopping with you to help pick out some new clothes.

Step 3
Pick her up from her place and go to the mall together. Ask her what stores she would recommend checking out. If you've got a budget, be sure to tell her. She'll choose stores accordingly.

Step 4
This is the easiest part of all. You don't really have to do anything at all. Your chick friend will go around picking clothes for you. To a man, this is hard, stressful work. To a woman, however, this is fun.

Step 5
Take as many clothes as you're allowed into the fitting room and try them on one by one. Get opinions from your chick friend.

*Optional - To save time, ask your chick friend to come into the fitting room with you "as long as there's no funny business." Dressing in front of a girl will help you overcome some sexual anxieties you may have. If you don't have any, it's good practice anyway. If you don't bring her into the fitting room with you, you'll have to walk in and out of the room every time you try on something new which is a pain in the ass.

Step 6
Buy the clothes that you and her think are the best ones for you. Then, do something nice for your friend as a thank you such as buying her lunch or dinner.

Step 7
Look better than you did before.

-Chief

The Shameless Casanova

2010-08-19T21:16:00.000-07:00

During a conversation with one of my chick friends, she told me something that I found to be very telling about how many women probably feel these days:

"Sigh. Sadly, even when I TRY to have one night stands or sex just for sex, men get hardcore attached and want to claim me as only theirs. It's annoying. What happened to the promiscuous, non-committing man?"

A lot of men nowadays have the impression that they should seek relationships and that their lustful desires for no-strings-attached sex are politically incorrect and would scare women away. Too many men have become ashamed of their real desires, repressing them to the point of self-deluded denial. "I'm only interested in being in a committed relationship. I'm not interested in just having sex. I'm above that." BULLSHIT.

I would strongly argue that many many women would find it absolutely refreshing to be in the presence of a man who is shamelessly honest about his "shallow" desires.

Start paying more attention to what your penis is trying to tell you.

-Chief

Buyer's Remorse is Ridiculous

2010-06-12T22:45:00.000-07:00

The very concept of Buyer's Remorse is absolutely absurd.

In the context of sales, a customer gets what's called "Buyer's Remorse" when they regret making a purchase after they've realized that the product they bought falls short of their expectations. In PUA terminology, a woman supposedly gets Buyer's Remorse if they regret sleeping with a guy.

The very fact that a guy actually put the concept of Buyer's Remorse in PUA literature is an admittance of the self-belief that he falls short of women's expectations. A so-called PUA thinks a woman will get Buyer's Remorse after she sleeps with him because he actually sees himself as unworthy of sex, and he is trying to misuse seduction as a way to trick the woman into believing that he is of higher value than he perceives himself to be.

This is the classic case of the so-called PUA trying to validate himself by tricking others into believing something he doesn't actually believe. He thinks that, maybe, eventually, he can feel better about himself if other people see him as higher value than he sees himself.

What a crock of utter bullshit.

The real-deal PUA believes that there would be no such "Buyer's Remorse" because there's nothing to regret after a woman sleeps with him. He knows that sex is a mutual and consensual act, and he absolutely knows what he's doing in bed. He also knows that he is actually quite sexually desirable. Buyer's Remorse just doesn't make any sense at all to him.

What does it take to really believe this? Most guys reading this article will try to wrestle with cognitive dissonance by adding a "No Buyer's Remorse rule" to their list of daily bullshit affirmations that continually deny what they truly feel about themselves. The wiser ones will actually focus on self-efficacy rather than the mainstream western view of self-esteem.

Buyer's Remorse? What the hell is that? Get that crap out of my seduction community.

Car Crash and a Girlfriend

2010-05-01T23:55:00.000-07:00

On my way back from work this past Thursday, I crashed my car. I almost fucking died and almost killed my coworker in the passenger's seat. The car flew into a mud field and flipped over twice. Miraculously, neither of us were seriously injured. The seatbelts saved our lives.

So, I no longer have a car. Crazy shit.

That very night, that same coworker became my girlfriend. I've known her for the entire nine months I've been working here and maybe that car crash made me think of things in different ways.

I'll probably be a lot less active in the seduction community during my relationship with her.

Wear your seatbelt,
-Chief

I hate you.

2010-03-08T06:47:00.000-08:00

"I hate you."

"You're such a blah blah blah who always does this this and this!"

*Insert more bitching here*

Sound familiar? I bet it does. If you've been romantically involved with enough women, this sort of situation will pop up every now and then.

Let's say you've had sex with a woman more than just a couple times. She is your fuck buddy, a friend with benefits, or maybe even your girlfriend. Regardless of the type of relationship you have with her, there might be some bumps in the road where it seems like she's attacking and/or criticizing you for one reason or another. Sometimes it's a legitimate, logistical concern, but most of the time she's actually telling you that she's hurt or feels neglected.

If it ever seems like she is putting you at fault for something, there is absolutely no need to get defensive. As always, put your ego aside. Shift your focus on her. There is only one thing you need to ask her: "Are you OK?" Show her that you're man enough to take the hits and still be thinking about her instead of being distracted by your own ego.

For a great example of this sort of dynamic, watch the movie "Spread" and look for the scene where the girl is bitching at the main character and throwing shit at him. His response? He pulls her into his arms, hugs and comforts her.

I know I'm totally ripping off of David Deida here, but I JUST went through this exact kind of drama so I figured I should post something about it!

-Chief

Why Feminism Is a Good Thing

2010-02-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

If you've been in the PUA community for a while, you've definitely heard some of the complaints about feminism being responsible for the emasculation of entire generations of supposed "men." Most of us have complained about "feminazis" acting inappropriately self-righteous in some way or another. You can probably relate to several situations in which you have felt coerced into feeling guilt or shame simply for being born as a male. A lot of men both within and outside of the seduction community feel some sort of resentment for feminism. How should a pickup-artist think about it?

For the past several months, I've been living in a fairly remote part of South Korea. This country never had any significant feminist movements, and they never had a sexual revolution like we had in America in the 1920's. I've also noticed how much harder it is to seduce women here!*

*Seoul, the capital, is a different story. People living in Seoul tend to be more modernized in their thinking.

My options are severely limited compared to when I lived in the US. When any given population has less sexual experience overall, there are several reasons as to why any given woman from said population would be less open to having a casual sexual encounter. Standard patriarchal traditions have been long-standing in most cultures of the world, and feminism has only challenged so many of them.

These "standard patriarchal traditions" that I speak of are those supposedly tried and true customs of avoiding premarital sex, avoiding situations in which you are alone with someone of the opposite sex, avoiding any expressions of sexuality, and basically anything that has to do with a woman being sexual. America predominantly used to be this way, too, before the Sexual Revolution. In order to have sex with someone, you must have been married to that person. These old traditions are patriarchal because they were designed in a way to imply ownership on women. Marrying a woman = ownership over her vagina. Fucking someone's wife = a crime akin to thievery. The woman was something to be owned like a car or a trophy.

Feminism arose as a response to this. Feminists emphasized that women are human beings, rather than objects. This is true. Sure, some feminists went overboard by developing habits of degrading men in order to feel better about themselves, but the core principles behind feminism often involve SEXUAL EMPOWERMENT.

Men, you may initially think that empowering women sexually means that there is less of that power and choice for you, but don't be fooled by such egotistical delusions. If a woman is "sexually empowered," she feels more free to exercise her sexual nature rather than feeling constrained by the rigid rules of patriarchal society. This means she feels free to have premarital sex, casual sex, bisexual sex, kinky sex, sexy sex, and even regular sex. Imagine an entire society of women willing to have sex with other people (including you!), and actually acting on these desires. This is any society blessed with feminism. Thank you, white people.

Feminism makes pickup and seduction a hell of a lot easier. I am a feminist.

Self-destruction is the magic bullet

2009-10-21T06:52:00.001-07:00

Not all of the things that are taught in the PUA community are useful to everyone. Ungrounded affirmations, for example, do more harm than good for most.

Are you doing mental gymnastics in order to avoid the realization that you are going nowhere in order to avoid some sort of pain?

You might not be making your life any better right now. You know why?

You like making yourself comfortable. Even if you are in a bad spot, you prefer to settle with it and make yourself feel comfortable in it, rather than trying to move forward to make something better for yourself. It's because, frankly, you know that changing like that would be very uncomfortable.

If you actually want to make your life better... if you want women in your life, if you want to move out of Mommy's basement and get your own place, if you want to make your own money (and lots of it), if you want your own independence, and ultimately freedom...

You need motivation. And there is no greater motivation than discomfort.

The magic formula for motivation is to make yourself more uncomfortable than how much discomfort you know you'll face when you are in the process of change. So, stop feeding yourself the lies that your ego is telling you. Admit that, right now, you're a loser. Then, change.

That is the secret to success, and that is how you will be truly great. Now, go hit rock bottom.

Example:
Start out each night of sarging by intentionally getting yourself blown out.

Be Wanty, Not Needy

2009-08-03T19:00:00.001-07:00

There's a big difference between being needy and expressing genuine, ego-less desire. The main difference is that being needy turns women off while expressing genuine desire free of ego turns women on.

The feeling of neediness stems from a void you feel in your spectrum of emotions. This void may be the result of anything ranging from previous rejections to childhood traumas. The scars you have from past experiences prompt your psyche into creating an EGO (in the Eckhart Tolle sense of the word, not Freud) in order to maintain a semblance of sanity. This ego, however, makes you NEEDY, which really sucks ass.

On the flip side, expressing genuine desire from an ego-less standpoint is much like expressing your liking for a certain flavor of ice cream simply because you like it. You don't feel any need to taste the ice cream in order to fill some sort of void within your hurting heart or any gay shit like that; you just want the ice cream because you fucking like it.

Stop looking for women to fill that hole in your heart. Women are ice cream cones. Don't be needy, but be as wanty as much as you can because women get turned on when they know that they are desired.

-Chief

How to use your PUA powers for good

2009-07-20T00:46:00.000-07:00

"Leave her better than you found her."
Something we should all abide by!

Her facebook status said "is in a really terrible mood." While AFCs were commenting with massage offers and the like, I hit her up on facebook chat, telling her "I'm here to make you feel wonderful."

After a little small talk, I tell her to talk to me on AIM because facebook chat sucks moose nuts. It really does.

Chief: im tempted to ask what happened, but id rather ask you what your favorite ice cream flavor is
Chief: what is it
Girl: hahha
Chief: seriously
Girl: chocolate chip cookie dough with rainbow sprinkles
Chief: hm very nice
Chief: cone or cup?
Girl: cone
Chief: what kinda cone
Girl: waffle
Chief: wow going all out there huh
Girl: hahah most definitely
Girl: what about you?
Chief: so lets say youve got this juicy looking chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream with rainbow sprinkles, 2 scoops, stuffed deliciously into a large waffle cone
Chief: the epitome of indulgence
Chief: its a hot summer day and youve got one your cutest spagetti strap top and big ol sunglasses that make ur face look smaller
Girl: lol
Chief: the sun's heat is beating down on your brow, you break a sweat, BUT EVERYTHING IS OK
Chief: because youve got your delicious ice cream
Girl: of course
Chief: a little bit of it is starting to drip down
Chief: so ur face approaches the cone
Chief: and the anticipation for flavor excites your nerves
Chief: and so u take one lick...
Chief: and how does that flavor make u feel?
Girl: well, do i just get the vanilla part, the sprinkles part, or do i get some cookie dough?
Chief: a combination of sprinkles and vanilla for now
Chief: and bit a tiny bit of cookie dough flavor
Girl: pure bliss
Chief: and the experience of this delicious bliss can be quiote powerful, cant it?
Chief: quite*
Girl: very much so
Chief: in fact, it's almost tangible, as if you can package this pure bliss in a little cute box with a bow
Girl: haha
Chief: open your hand, because that little box is in your hand right now
Chief: you got it there with u now?
Girl: yup, its right there
Chief: open it
Chief: see whats inside
Girl: oh! it's tangible bliss!
Chief: its yours
Chief: its always been yours
Chief: but now u can feel it better than ever before
Girl: yup
Chief: there
Chief: i made u feel wonderful
Chief: that'll be 29.95 thank you
Chief: lol jk
Girl: hahahahah
Girl: dayum
Girl: you should charge money for that
Chief: but u feel a lot better than before right
Girl: yup

After that conversation, her facebook status changed from "is in a really terrible mood" to "is allllllll better!!!!"

Leave her better than you found her.

Do a good deed with all that you've learned in pickup and expect nothing in return. This power you have is a gift that you can keep on giving

Adopting Sexy Beliefs

2009-07-05T04:55:00.000-07:00

It's no secret that the beliefs we hold affect our lives in many different ways. It's also commonly known throughout the seduction community that having a certain set of beliefs leads to more success with women and dating.

Some of these beliefs include:
1. Women love sex
2. Women are gorgeous and blameless
...well, I can make a list of useful beliefs that goes on and on for pages and pages, but that's not the point of this post.

Fiftyone, a member of mpuaforum.com, asked me about adopting new beliefs. In short, he didn't really know how to just start believing in something he didn't believe before:
"I guess my problem now is to learn how to instill those beliefs into my brain and stop thinking like an AFC. I haven't read that far into the book yet; maybe it'll tell me how to change my beliefs and adopt new beliefs later on in the book. If you have some tips on that, please do share (psychology 101?)!" - Fiftyone

The book he was talking about suggests tons of useful beliefs, but it doesn't tell you how to adopt any of them.

My response to him was as follows:

Adopting new beliefs is easy as pie. All you have to do is actively search for evidence in your reality that supports those new beliefs. Keep doing that until you can see evidence of that without even trying.

Do that too much in too little time and you just might lose grasp of reality and go insane, though, so keep your feet on the ground!

Here's an example of adopting a new belief this way:

Adopting the belief "I am sexy."

Instead of just telling yourself "I am sexy" over and over again like most affirmation exercises tell you to do, sit down and make a list of reasons why you are sexy. Go ahead and take your time with this if necessary. If you can't think of at least a handful of reasons in one sitting, ruminate over the topic and try again the next day... and the next day... and so on and so forth until the belief of "I am sexy" has a solid foundation of reasons that become self-evident to you more and more. During this process, any reasons previously programmed in your mind that "prove" that you are NOT sexy become overshadowed by your new programming and become insignificant.

Open your mind up enough and you will be able to find reasons as to why anything is true. There is no reason to give up on adopting any positive belief that will be useful to you.

Note that I am not talking about absolute or higher truth; I am talking about your personal beliefs that shape your success and lifestyle.

Understanding Women

2009-05-25T02:05:00.001-07:00

This is going to be in one of the chapters in my upcoming ebook (in progress):

There once was a young girl named Katherine. She was born into a world not too unlike ours. Her world, however, was full of twisted unjust rules that didn’t make sense.

You see, when people in this world are hungry, they are reminded that it is wrong to eat. Higher authorities that have watched over Katherine throughout her entire life have given her the opportunity to have many blessings: education, a roof over her head, culture, etc. It seemed as though these same higher authorities, however, did not create a perfect system to govern their people. Katherine always felt like something was wrong. Something was unjust. Something was holding her back. She was promised freedom, but it was like she was only given the illusion of freedom while still remaining in captivity.

While growing up, Katherine read many story books and watched many movies. She was also surrounded by many religious friends and family members. All of these sources of information – the stories, movies, religion, etc. – echoed a very common promise:

“One day, you will no longer be hungry. One day, you will reach a proper age to undergo the feasting ceremony. You will get to choose one food dish and, from then on, you will have the freedom to eat as much of it as you wish, all day and every day. However, it is forbidden to eat any other type of food than the one you initially chose. It is also forbidden to eat anything before your feasting ceremony.”

In her history classes Katherine read about villainous women who ate more than one type of food. The history books portrayed these women as sinners and as witches who were all eventually captured and prosecuted. She learned to look at these types of women in contempt, giving these women labels such as “slut.” However, somewhere deep inside of her, she always felt something was wrong about the contempt she felt for these women. It almost felt as if she were punishing herself for feeling hunger.

Then, one day, Katherine met a woman named Stephanie. Stephanie enjoyed many pleasures in life, including fine cuisine, gourmet banquets, and crawfish boils. She had not undergone her feasting ceremony; many people accused her of being “impure.” Stephanie, however, seemed to be just fine with that. She had a genuine smile that Katherine had not ever seen on any of her friends’ faces. It was obvious that Stephanie knew something that no one else knew.

“How are you supposed to know which food dish to pick during your feasting ceremony if you’ve never tried any food before?” Stephanie asked Katherine rhetorically. “You can’t know your preferences without experience.”

Katherine pondered Stephanie’s message, and then asked a question: “Why is it that men are not prosecuted as much as women are for sneaking food before their feasting ceremony? All they get is a slap on the wrist while we women are forever marked as unclean.”

“Honey, we live in a patriarchal society. Men are always power-hungry, even when they already have all the power. We suffer more consequences for breaking the rules so that the ball stays in the men’s court. The only true freedom we can know is when it’s not about power anymore.”

“How can that happen?”

“Well, Katherine, I once knew a man who understood my grievances. He cared not for egotistical motivations such as the pursuit of power. He was motivated by compassion. His name was PUA. He would bring me food in a very discreet manner. I did not go hungry, and he never told anyone about what we were doing. I don’t know why and how he became so understanding and generous, but I would feel complete freedom because of him. It was like running away to our own world where the rules of this one didn’t apply.”

“Why didn’t you just go through the feasting ceremony to eat the food that PUA would bring you without having to be secretive about it?”

Stephanie laughed. “The food he brought me was great, but it wasn’t about that. It was about having the freedom to do what I felt was natural while having the freedom to live more of life. Honestly, who wants to eat just one and only one food dish for their entire life? Well, anyone who has already tasted a variety of flavors would think of that as hell, but others are forced to interpret it as heaven. I don’t think heaven should have prison bars like these, though.”

Hearing this, Katherine wanted to try a slice of Stephanie’s life without becoming an outcast. And so, Katherine sat on her barstool and waited. She waited for her very own PUA to set her free.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

2009-05-21T03:30:00.001-07:00

I just saw the movie "Ghosts of Girlfriends Past." It's very PUA related; a previous FWB of mine (and current friend) recommended it to me. The movie is about this dude who, as a kid, fell in love with this chick. Then he got hurt. Then he became a player who had tons of casual sex with tons of women he never called back the next day... just so that he would never feel that pain again.

*Spoiler Alert*

Then, at his brother's wedding, he was visited by three ghosts Scrooge-style. The ghosts of girlfriends past, present, and future made him realize the error of his ways. It made him realize that he leads a glamorous playboy lifestyle just to avoid the pain of heartbreak, and what that really meant for him in the long run. The pain that he was trying to avoid was nothing in comparison to the regret of forsaking love (true happiness?). One of the lines from the movie - a common truism taught within the PUA community - was "the power in a relationship lies with the person who cares less." As the main character said at the end of the movie, though, "power is not happiness."

Honestly, though... even though I felt that I could relate to the main character on many different levels, I don't know if I can go back to monogamy all Hollywood-style like he did. It would be a fantastic love story if I could finally give in to my forever-proposed agape to my first love if she were still waiting for me on the sidelines. However, that's not the case. I can only move forward. But I don't really know where I'm walking... Well, that's fine.

I do know that pain is something you shouldn't run away from. I just don't think I could be happy enough in a monogamous relationship to even feel that heartbreak afterward anymore, though. Sure, I love women. I fucking love them to death and I appreciate all their feminine essence and beauty more than most. However, I think that's the issue here. I probably wouldn't be able to feel enough passion for one woman to be able to blind myself from the beauty of all the other women out there. Any prospective heartbreak would preemptively be aborted by the passion I'd involuntarily muster for the beauty of all the other feminine energy available in my immediate vicinity.

Am I a bonobo or a gorilla? I was programmed at an early age, by modern Hollywood society, to equate happiness with monogamy - to be as the gorilla. Then, through the teachings of the seduction community, I've programmed myself (equally artificially) to equate happiness with some sort of polyamory - to be as the bonobo. What is my true nature? Hmm...

My bartender is gone.

2009-04-26T00:59:00.000-07:00

That's right. My bartender fucking left The Dungeon. I came in Friday night expecting to see her behind the bar as usual with a big smile on her face and a hug for me, ready to open my tab, BUT NO. There was this new chick who didn't even know which drinks went in which cups. She even started scrutinizing my ID when I opened my tab, but luckily the owner came over and told her that my ID was good and that I was a regular.

I asked Jet, the doorman, where Carin was. "Carin don't work here no more."

God fucking dammit. That's the forth time Jet has told me something like this. First it was Hope, then Gemini, then Walter, and now fucking Carin. This is fucking bullshit. Carin was my favorite.

They told me she works at Penthouse as a waitress, but I don't want her as a fucking waitress at some other place. I want her as MY BARTENDER, behind the bar at THE DUNGEON.

Ugh. Fuck it all. I'm gonna go smoke a cigarette now.

-Chief

What an artist does

2009-04-12T01:23:00.000-07:00

"Chief, are you alright?" Carin, my favorite bartender, could see the sorrow permeating from the genuine expression on my face; the very sorrow I was trying to drown in Pabst Blue Ribbon beer. It was another Friday night at The Dungeon, my favorite bar.

Her eyes showed concern like an old friend. I just give her a fake smile and a thumbs up. I wasn't going to give a woman my burdens like I used to back in my wbAFC chode days. I turned to Blacktop, "Listen, man. I'm going to make everything right." It was 3 AM and I was drunk, but not as drunk as I was aiming for just yet.

"What are you going to make right?" Blacktop asks. I tell him, "Everything." I turn to Vain and manage to sputter out whatever was going through my head at the time, "My parents say that they're proud of me, but I don't fucking believe them. I sure as hell wouldn't be proud of me if I were them. But mark my words, man. One day I'm going to make them really proud of me."

The laundry list of my problems that I had in my head were washed away by alcohol as the night progressed... or at least that's what was supposed to happen. In reality every sip made me fall deeper into my crappy little hole, but I was starting to like it. I went over to the jukebox to play songs like "Evidence" and "Just a Car Crash Away" by Marilyn Manson to see exactly how far down I could explore my crappy dark little hole without dying. Self-destruction is one of my greatest virtues anyway. Why? It breeds creation.

I was able to dwell deep enough in my drunken sorrows that I came to a point where I truly stopped caring about everything in the world. The only thing that truly existed was the present moment, and that was the only thing that actually mattered. There's definitely something blissful and enlightening in realization. There wasn't a smile on my face just yet, though.

And then a woman came and sat next to me at the bar. HBVampire is another Dungeon patron that I see a lot. Her mere feminine presence allowed me to switch to positivity/optimism mode. It's a pretty handy trick that every PUA should get under their belt. It's all about developing a habit. We somehow eventually got into a conversation about seeing the beauty in everything. I find out that she just broke up with her girlfriend. She also had not been with a man in over three years. Being drunk, I felt that I could just sense the strongest desire to be fucked hard in her soul. I decided to give her something special that night.

I gave SOIs and went direct in as smooth of a way as I could be when I'm drunk as fuck, which actually isn't too bad considering that I've had a lot of practice to calibrate my game pretty well under almost any circumstance. After some direct flirting and kino, we frankly made a verbal agreement to go home with each other that night. I tell my friends that I won't be catching a cab with them that night. Later on HBVampire and I left the bar and went to her house.

I was way too drunk to remember all the details, but I do know this: In the light of an opportunity to give and share the pleasure of a sexual experience - like how a musician gives his audience the pleasure of feeling all that he has felt through his music - I was able to forget about the selfish concerns of mine that I was trying to drink away. That is what an artist does: he gives. He is able to separate himself from his own fears, anxieties, sorrows, baggage, etc. and just give the best he's got. HBVampire desired to be loved that night, as every woman does at all times. Since the type of artist I am just happens to be the type that gives love and pleasure, I was able to orchestrate a magnificent impromptu symphony.

I woke up the next morning and realized that I had no idea where the fuck in New Orleans I was. HBVampire's house was pretty far from where I lived. I didn't even remember exactly how I got there in the first place since I was so drunk. Oh well, at least I didn't get whiskey dick.

Fortunately I was able to call one of my friends and get a ride back home!

Resurrect The Seducer Within

2009-04-01T15:00:00.000-07:00

Exciting news, everyone! I am in the process of writing my first ebook, titled "Resurrect The Seducer Within."

RTSW is going to be a step by step program you can follow to get really good at pickup really fast.
It's going to be a highly condensed, action-packed guide to blast past any problems standing between you and masterful seduction.

I went through the Don Juan Boot Camp, which is an ebook consisting of a series of drills and missions to improve yourself, and I liked the idea of it. However, I wasn't quite satisfied with it. I decided to take a step beyond what that book covered and applied what I thought REALLY mattered in terms of seduction.

What did I not like about it specifically? Well, it's actually something that bothers me about the seduction community as a whole nowadays... There's just too much focus on being friendly and socializing properly and not enough focus on ACTUAL SEDUCTION. Too many pickup methods nowadays land you in the friend zone and leave you with blue balls. My ebook is going to bring you back to the SEXUAL roots of the seduction community through a training process unlike any other.

Another thing I didn't like too much about it was the inflexibility of the boot camp schedule. I'm designing my ebook so that you can move at your own pace because every PUA student learns at a different rate. It's original purpose shall be to train someone as fast as possible, but the student can also choose to take as long as he wants if he can benefit more from doing so.

Most of all, my ebook is going to emphasize a hidden truth to seduction that many people have actually been lying to you about... You'll see what I mean later. (Hint: There is a clue in the title)

I just started writing it, so it's going to take a while before it'll be available to anyone. Watch this blog for future updates.

-Chief

Sexual Attraction Explained In-depth

2009-02-27T06:27:00.000-08:00

The way that most PUAs think of attraction nowadays is ineffective. Since the concept of attraction is inherently subjective, I'm not saying that the way most PUAs think of attraction is wrong; it just makes the process of seduction unnecessarily difficult. More often than not, they structure their beliefs about attraction in a way that makes seduction an uphill battle rather than a thrilling free fall into a night of passionate fucking. Rather than letting yourself struggle with a puzzle of useless routines and DHV stories, allow me to offer an alternative way to think about attraction.

When it comes to attraction, a PUA's focus should be on sexually framing every thread of an interaction with a woman he's interested in so that the woman feels aroused with SEXUAL attraction. All the other things about attraction that you've heard - preselection, humor, wealth, and other commonly known DHVs - act mainly as logistical assistance that allows a woman to backwards rationalize her feelings of sexual attraction for a man. They aren't actually part of the main force that pushes the seduction forward.

In other words, if you're not thinking of attraction as a purely sexual feeling of desire, you're doing it wrong. Practicing pickup from the community's currently conventional value-based view of attraction leads to a big roadblock that aspiring PUAs constantly run into: the awkward switch from a "fun and social" vibe to a sexual vibe.

For example, if a PUA is trying to "build attraction" by communicating to a woman that they are a leader of men, the vibe of the interaction becomes based on the perception of social value. Contrary to popular belief in the seduction community, social value does not directly arouse a woman. It only gives her a "this guy is acceptable to associate with" message from her social programming. Somewhere along the way this message has the potential to translate into "this guy is acceptable to have sex with," but it is by no means triggering an instinctual horny desire for her to spread her legs and enthusiastically invite you in. It's not directly eliciting emotions within her that make her want to grab you and ride your cock until the both of you pass out from pleasure.

Lets put things into perspective. Have you ever met a woman who wasn't strikingly attractive to you, but your guys friends thought she was really really hot? You take a second look at her after you hear what your boys think of her, and suddenly she seems a bit more attractive than before. I don't know about you, but this happens to me a lot. Compare this situation to a time you met a woman who was so hot and sexy to you that you instantly felt a surge of lust and pure desire pulsating through your body and mind. When a PUA is trying to "build attraction" through things like commonly promoted DHVs and other "provider" cues such as being a leader of men, the woman may feel a slight growth in attraction for him just like how any guy would feel about that woman his friends approve of. However, this becomes a slow and strenuous process if the goal is simply sex. Wouldn't you rather have the woman feel the same way you're feeling when you see that incredibly sexy woman of your dreams for the first time?

Before we move on, let's address one limiting belief that may have popped up in your head just now. Do looks actually matter? My answer to that question may shock you...

Yes. Looks matter. However, your looks will only be able to help you if you are well-groomed and fashionable. If you think you're inherently ugly, you're fucking wrong. Why am I saying that looks matter, then?

Evolution has made it so that the genetic pool of the human race seeks to be heterogeneous. If every human being had the same genes and looked completely alike as a "perfect 10," that would open up a Pandora's box of problems for our species's survival. Ultimately, we'd become fatally vulnerable to natural mutations due to the decreased ability to adapt from a lack of genetic diversity. Species that have a homogeneous gene pool (as opposed to a heterogeneous one like ours) are actually asexual. That means they don't have sex with other members of their species. They reproduce offspring independently.

For our species to remain sexual and genetically heterogeneous, our sexual attraction is rooted in the principle of opposites attracting. Combining two opposites is the best way to produce something completely new. Make a shit ton of new stuff and you'll end up with a really fucking heterogeneous pool of stuff.

Since opposites attract, you will be very sexually attracted to a woman with genes opposite to yours. This is why you typically feel grossed out when you imagine having sex with members of your own family. This also means that the woman of your dreams will be sexually attracted to you since you have genes that are opposite to hers.

Just like Gunwitch teaches, as long as you are sarging women that you are genuinely attracted to on a physical/sexual level, they will much more likely to be genuinely attracted to you in the same way. A big problem that a lot of guys trying to learn pickup face is that they struggle through sarges because they are trying to seduce the socially defined "hottie" instead of listening to their gut-level attraction.

Proper grooming and shit like that allows you to express your genetic attractiveness more fully. Socially "uncool" fashion and poor hygiene will stifle the signal of your genes' polar pull. That's why having a cool style is highly beneficial.

OK, now that we know that looks matter. We also know that whatever looks we were born with will only help us get what we want (having sex with women we are genuinely sexually attracted to). After we've made our genes more presentable through fashion and grooming, how do we play the game according to this sexually focused definition of attraction?

I break the system of increasing sexual attraction down into three main tools that you can use:
1. Sexual State Projection
2. Sexual Framing
3. Sexual Tension

Note that these tools aren't in any particular order. For the most part, the game is not linear. It is mostly circular.

Sexual State Projection

Projecting Sexual State is pretty much something straight out of the Gunwitch Method. Go read it here: www.gunwitch.com

Sexual Framing

Sexual Framing is a big one. I define sexual framing as anything that gets the woman thinking about having sex with you, whether it be of conscious thought or of subconscious storage of thought.

How do you get a woman to think about having sex with you? There are many ways to do so. One day I observed a "natural" casually interacting with a group of people I was a part of. I was shocked at some of the crudely sexual remarks that came out of his mouth, but my shock would quickly subside when I noticed how congruent and unapologetic he was with his frame. I justified his behavior in my head, "That's just who he is. He must just be a really sexually aware guy." Besides, he wasn't being confrontational or creepy or anything like that. He seemed like he was just being his own damn self, completely comfortable in his own skin.

What he was doing was essentially giving everyone ample opportunity to squeeze our imaginations and produce sexual thoughts by using sexually charged language. It was then I realized that I must take more risks by engaging in potentially socially inappropriate behavior that clearly steers an interaction toward a sexual direction. For example:

HB: So I was shopping the other day (something completely unrelated to sex)
Chief: What? Let's have sex? Well, OK then.
HB: ...
Chief: Oh wait, that's not what you said. It's not a bad idea, though.
HB: Huh?
Chief: OK OK You're convincing me. Anyways, what were you saying about shopping?
HB: *giggle giggle giggle*

Sexual Framing can be as simple or as advanced as you need it to be. It can be as simple as using the word "sexy" when describing yourself or something about her, or as advanced as the "Grand Master Style" where you calibrate extremely vulgar phrases with a "just kidding." It can be as simple as using the old "That's what she said" line when you get an opportunity to use it, or as advanced as a trance-hijacking NLP pattern.

Amongst the many schools of the pickup arts I've delved into, I also studied Speed Seduction. So, of course I can think of numerous ways to sexually frame an interaction using NLP. One great way I've found to do this is to simply speak in ways that presuppose that we're already lovers.

All in all you should keep this in mind when it comes to Sexual Framing: As long as you are somehow directly giving her the mental image of her having sex with you, you're doing it right.

Sexual Tension

Building Sexual Tension gives you that feeling of needing closure. The more of it you build, the more you'll want to fuck each others brains out. And, the greater the mutual desire for sex, the greater the likelihood of sex actually happening. It'll also make sex a lot more enjoyable for both of you.

Tension is something that's created when two opposing forces are combined somehow. To apply tension to sexual attraction, you must combine a force that's moving the sexual vibe forward and a force that actually holds the sexual vibe back. One of the most common ways to do this is to evoke sexual arousal within yourself and the woman while talking about something that's completely nonsexual.

Because of the way in which these techniques use opposing forces in harmony, any application of the push/pull dynamic, the concept of 2-steps-forward-1-step-back, and cat string theory to the sexual vibe of an interaction will build Sexual Tension.

Another technique that builds Sexual Tension is triangular gazing. While you use triangular gazing, you are communicating the fact that you are thinking about kissing her. However, since this desire isn't verbalized, you end up building sexual tension.

An extreme example of building Sexual Tension is Ciaran's Shock and Awe technique. While using Shock and Awe you are verbally and physically expressing your pure desire but demonstrating an attempt to suppress your desire at the same time. Read about it here: http://www.puaratings.com/articles/ciaran-shock-and-awe

Adopting the mentality of sexual attraction that I have just outlined for you will increase your success rate in field dramatically. It certainly has for me. Many know this structure of game as "Fool's Mate." I just call it my standard game. Those who call this "Fool's Mate" are just following a structure of game that's slow and unnecessarily tedious.

If you want to have sex, why not focus on the sexual aspects of an interaction from the get-go?

Oh, and by the way... Combining this shit with an effective procedure of kino escalation and Vin DiCarlo's "Objection Game" is basically the complete model of my entire Outer Game. Now go out and get laid.

-Chief

Do you want to get rid of Approach Anxiety?

2009-02-19T21:48:00.001-08:00

I want you to sit down and imagine this following scenario. Go inside your head right now and imagine this happening with as many vivid details as possible. Read this slowly and deliberately, soaking in as much of it as you can.

You are in line to ride a roller coaster for the first time ever, but you feel absolutely no fear. In fact, you feel nothing at all. You feel like you might as well be sitting down silently and calmly, just staring at a dot on a piece of paper. You are right there in line for the roller coaster but you expect no consequences at all.

You get into the dull gray roller coaster car and you still feel nothing. It's as if you're just going through the motions without feeling a thing. There isn't an ounce of fear in your system. You feel no fear, thrill, nor excitement for the ride to come.

The roller coaster car starts up and takes you through spins and loops, physically lifting your position in space up and down at various speeds. Your emotions, however, are completely unaffected. You still feel like you might as well be sitting down silently and calmly, just staring at a dot on a piece of paper.

The roller coaster car makes a full circle and starts slowing down back where you started. You step off on the car and start walking away to get on with your life. You can't help but to ask yourself, "What the hell was the point of all that?"

Is this how you want your interactions and relationships with women to go?

Or would you rather embrace your Approach Anxiety and just go for it, enjoying the full spectrum of your emotions to savor the many flavors of life?

There can be no yin without the yang. If you wish to gain everything, you must be willing to risk losing everything. Like the exhilarating path of a roller coaster, you'll only go as high as deep as you'll be willing to dive.

Stop being a pussy, man up, and approach her... with or without Approach Anxiety.

-Chief

Managing expectations

2009-02-12T07:22:00.000-08:00

A friend and fellow student of the pickup arts asked me a question in confidence today. He showed me a rather long email that he received from his ex-girlfriend. It detailed how obsessed she was with him, and how she can't get him off her mind.

He no longer wishes to be her boyfriend, but she's hooked because he abused his PUA power by creating nearly unbreakable connections just so that he could guarantee sex and a relationship with this girl. Needless to say, she really wants to re-establish an exclusive relationship with him. The question he posed to me was:

"Honestly, I just want her vagina because it was so tight, but I was ever so dumb to fucking mindwash her, and now I can't get the vagina, without getting the entire package with it. I don't want the entire fucking package, and you seem the only guy to go to on this. What do I say to this email?"

The following was my response:

Get ready for an epic "I told you so."

I told you so.

An ounce of prevention is more valuable than a pound of cure. It's better to manage expectations than to have to deal with damage control. Hopefully now you'll stop teaching AFCs to establish deep connections that they'll inevitably regret later. ;)

My ability to foresee these kinds of things comes from having been a wbAFC who's been on the other side of it over many experiences. I don't want women to feel the kind of disillusioned attachment and suffering I've been through. That kinda shit is totally lose-lose.

Hopefully now you also further understand why "forbidden patterns" are "forbidden" in the first place... even though you have yet to experience the full extent of the consequences that can stem from them.

The best solution I can come up with would be to [the solution I presented to him is irrelevant to the point I'm trying to make in this blog post, so I'll leave it out.]

Oh, and make your intentions to just have sex with her clear from the start this time. One of the biggest reasons that a PUA must know exactly what he wants is so that he can sincerely communicate those intentions to his potential lovers.

And don't forget to leave her better than you found her. Hopefully you'll choose to steer this boat in a direction that lets her continue on her life a more optimistic, wise, and mature individual rather than a cynical, jaded, and man-hating bitch.

-Chief

Trust by default

2009-02-01T11:00:00.000-08:00

The other night I was at my favorite bar, The Dungeon. There was a new bartender working there. She was pretty cute and had sexy hair that looked wet even though it wasn't.

I was there with HBNoCrawfish (from my latest LR on all the various PUA forums I post in), and I was talking to her about how I've been trying to develop a pickup strategy that involves telling girls that I'm a virgin (it's pretty complicated), but she didn't think people would believe me. I turn to the new bartender behind the bar and ask her, "Would you believe me if I told you I was a virgin?"

"Sure," she responded. "Oh? Why's that?" I asked. "Well, I don't have any reason to not believe you. I don't think you'd have any reason to lie to me."

Here was a bartender girl I had just met that night, and she was prepared to believe anything I told her. She had the default attitude of trusting the world. It was refreshing to meet someone like that, especially since I don't like dealing with bullshit in the first place.

I think that bartender is the type of person who can easily love as though she's never been hurt before. I envy that quality.

-Chief

Fat Chicks and Beta Males

2008-12-25T21:21:00.001-08:00

Imagine a fat chick going on a healthy diet and exercising regularly as she loses weight to become more attractive to the opposite sex. Everyone she knows compliments her all the time for her valiant effort. Once she actually gets hot, she gets way more attention from men and people shower her with more attention and praise.

Now imagine a beta male AFC learning self improvement and pickup as he gains confidence to become more attractive to the opposite sex. Everyone he tells his commitment to change to looks down on him for following some "bullshit" advice and for being "creepy." Once he actually garners some success through this discipline, suddenly he's negatively marked as "one of those pickup guys."

A girl becoming more attractive by losing weight is directly analogous to a guy becoming more attractive by learning pickup, so why is there such a discrepancy on how people judge these two methods of self improvement?

It's becoming more clear that there are two very different methodologies in learning pickup nowadays. The first, and arguably "wrong" way to do it is to learn a bag of tricks for the purpose of hiding your true ugly self in an attempt to deceive a woman into believing that you're better than you actually are. The second, and arguably "right" way to do it is to work through a strenuous process of facing your inner demons and actually changing who you are on the inside so that you genuinely become a "sexworthy" man, and then learn how to present yourself in the most sincere way possible to most effectively communicate your real attractiveness.

You cannot compare the first methodology of learning pickup to a fat chick losing weight through a disciplined program of diet and exercise. Instead it's more like the fat chick who takes pictures of herself from deceptive overhead angles to produce photos that make her appear more attractive than she actually is, and then posting those pictures on her myspace or facebook. It's a TRICK that infuriates men who actually buy into the misrepresentation and actually agree to meet up with the girl, only to discover that he's been fantasizing about a whale.

A woman who commits to a strenuous process of change deserves the respect she gets, as does the man who grows a pair and faces his inner demons to mature himself for real. Any action that involves hiding who you really are is certainly not respectable and in some cases actually disgusting. Unfortunately, the mainstream view of the pickup community is related to the deceptive methods of hiding, but those of us who have nothing to hide won't have to worry about those negative judgments.

So, to all you PUAs who still use Mystery's canned material: You are scared about the public knowing about our community because you're still hiding. Step up to the next level and change yourself instead of just manipulating your behavior. The only way you'll actually change is to man up and do what you're afraid of doing. These things include:

>Facing your inner demons.
>Daring to love yourself and all persons.
>Really identifying who you are right now without letting your ego define you.
>Actually approaching women in spite of your approach anxiety.
>Taking full responsibility for your own life and actions.
>Turning the other cheek, metaphorically speaking.
>Taming your ego (Tolle's ego, not Freud's).

That's just a small starter list. If you've got any other ideas to contribute, please comment below.

Some good stuff!

2008-12-07T15:09:00.000-08:00

This past Friday and Saturday was my first workshop right here in New Orleans! It sure was a blast and the people seemed to have learned a lot. I guess I better start advertising very soon for the NorCal workshop that's coming up on January 2nd and 3rd.

I wasn't able to take the boys out in-field on the second day after the Outer Game presentation because I had to attend my Fraternity's Christmas party with my hot hot date. Fortunately my friend and fellow lair leader, Stormy, was able to take them out for sarging. I wonder how it went?

I swear I had the hottest date at the party and made people jealous. >:D
Fun times.

Along with being a site administrator for pick-up-artist-forum.com (now known as mpuaforum.com), I became a super moderator for Vin DiCarlo's forum at vindicarlo.com/forums so check it out. I believe that Vin DiCarlo is teaching some of the best material this community has to offer and I highly recommend his ebook, The Attraction Code.

Well, Finals are coming up. Boo. I hope everyone had a fantastic weekend like I did!
Rock on,
-Chief

Forgiveness

2008-11-26T03:38:00.000-08:00

This is a follow-up to "Obsession": http://chiefpua.blogspot.com/2008/05/obsession.html

A couple days ago I came to grips with the fact that I cannot judge Spin. He's done some terrible things to me, but I still have no right to judge him. Who am I to say that he's a bad guy? I am just as human as he is. It just seems like he's got a sex addiction, and many of his friends would agree. From another perspective he could very well be just as much a victim as much as I saw him as malicious.

"Bros before hos" and "Leave her better than you found her..." Those were our hard and fast rules in the Attraction Theory group, but it's impossible to be completely objective in interpreting those guidelines by their very nature.

To become a man I must face my shadow side. I have to address all my inner demons in order to fulfill my purpose as a man. I'm going to hold a workshop in California on January in 2009, and I'm going to ask him to be a guest speaker. He's got a wealth of knowledge and experience to share ...and I can finally forgive him.

Coincidentally, Spin called me tonight. And he apologized sincerely for the events of long ago. It seems as though he's been doing a lot of thinking and he seems to have matured further than I had expected him to. I'm going to speak to him tomorrow night to get right down to business about the workshop. We're moving forward and letting bygones be bygones.

Truly forgiving someone for their trespasses against you is as hard as forgiving yourself. At the same time, it's so easy if you can just let go of the all the falseness in life that your ego creates... if you just let yourself forgive.

Explore compassion. Compassion liberates.

A Matter of Taste

2008-11-18T02:57:00.000-08:00

I won't ever be able to sarge and successfully pick up any given woman I set my eyes on. That's impossible. I once held a belief that if you're adaptable enough with your game such a feat would be possible, but that's bullshit.

As I've learned from various pickup sources, learning game isn't about adding on additional layers to yourself. Instead, it's about peeling away the layers that stifle your core. In the end you will want to fully enable yourself into expressing your true core and core intent in an eloquently expressive fashion. This method of learning and practicing the art of pickup (Natural Game) is rooted in the premise that women are naturally attracted to who you truly are on the inside by default; basically, that "being yourself" is the most effective key in seduction.

Layers that stifle your core can include things like limiting beliefs, bad body language habits, inner demons from past trauma, ego, etc. There are millions of things that can stifle you. Being stifled is having any inhibitions from expressing your true self. On the stage, being stifled is letting anything hold you back from skillfully expressing your true current emotional state (or whatever you're trying to communicate) in most sincere and effective way possible.

If you learn to love yourself, to not take yourself for granted, other people will love you, too. As human beings we are all able to relate to each other in some way, but we all have these layers that stifle us from seeing that. Instead, the best we could possibly do without achieving full godly enlightenment is to find certain parts of ourselves that align with certain parts of other people. This is why it is actually possible to not be someone's "type." Everyone is stifled in some way that blocks them from being able to fully relate to certain people that are stifled in some other way.

This is why, no matter how much I strip myself of my stifling layers, I will not be able to seduce any woman in the world. People in general will become attached to some of their stifling layers, creating a phenomenon called "taste." Sure, I will most certainly increase the amount of "types" of women that will be attracted to me by peeling away these layers of mine, but there will always be some women that do not share the same taste as I do. Some women will always not be my "type."

If I never learned to peel away these layers, if I never learned to love myself, essentially no one could really love me. It would be very difficult to generate any attraction within any woman. It really is great to expand that pool of people that CAN fall in love with you, though, by learning the way of the PUA... but in reality can someone with the ability to attract and seduce any woman anywhere really exist? I think not.

I came to this realization while I was playing along to some songs on my guitar just now. When I was a kid I had this dream to be a great singer/guitarist. However, I've always hated my voice. It brought me down to think that I could never win the hearts of music fans with singing talent, even though I rock at guitar.

I then thought about what almost every experienced singer has told me, though. They all echo something along the lines of, "good singing is all about falling in love with your own voice." It's like game. Anyone who hates their voice will sound terrible to others, and will not be able to give a good performance. Anyone who does love their own voice, however, will always be able to captivate the ears of some types of people.

Think about all the famous voices you've ever heard, and all the bands that you love to listen to. I'm sure you know some people that hate some of these singers, and plenty of people that love them. The same goes for a pickup artist; some types of women will throw their panties off in a heartbeat for some pure expressions of Don Juanery while some types of women will be turned off by the same pickup by the same PUA.

The universal attraction switches are still valid, as are the universal rules of music theory. Music theory dictates what sounds good and what sounds bad to an extent, but it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. Pickup theories dictate what is attractive and what isn't to an extent, but, again, it doesn't always penetrate the filter of taste. You can follow the rules to dramatically increase your effectiveness in giving a great performance, but you can never win em all.

But who the hell actually cares about winning them all? A "real" musician doesn't concern himself with fame and fortune. Musicians who let their egos get the best of them end up recording a really shitty second album. All that real musicians care about is finding the best and most artistic way to express what they're really feeling. They want to reach the audience that they can relate to the most on the deepest level possible, and so should the pickup artist. Doing so brings a deep sense of fulfillment like no other. This is why so many pickup gurus stress the importance of finding out what exactly you're looking for in a woman because you're exhaustively wasting time and energy if you're trying to focus on attracting ALL women in general.

Find your style, your genre, your target audience. It's all about finding yourself.

It all starts with you.

2008-08-23T23:29:00.001-07:00

Here's some heavy stuff.

When I was in middle school, I was depressed. It was pretty bad. I thought nobody in the world could ever really care about me. In turn, I didn't give a damn about anyone, myself, the world, whatever. I saw life through a narrow pessimistic scope. I saw myself as worthless, useless, and also as a victim. I had no faith in humanity or its potential to love. I remember one time I was sitting at my desk, reaching for the nearest long sharp object I could grab hold of. It was a foot-long pair of scissors and I held the sharp end against my neck. Fuck writing a note or a last letter; I didn't give a shit. I was sitting in front of my computer because that's where I usually was. I was pretty withdrawn and not very social, which explains why I would just be in front of the computer a lot, but of course I had that secret desire to be able to have fun and be social with others, so I was logged onto AOL Instant Messenger. By sheer coincidence, right as I was about to escape by shoving those scissors through my throat, a window pops up. It's an Instant Message from one of my female friends, Emily.

Emily was the type of girl who was just naturally happy and joyful, and she had the habit of doing something that pickup artists call "giving value," or just sharing the feeling of love and positivity with others. She just randomly IMed me with "I love you!" out of the blue. At the time I just thought it was a sign from God (I used to be Christian) that He wanted me to continue living, that He had some sort of plan for me, so I put the scissors down. As a Zen Buddhist and as a "pickup artist" now, I look back at that and see something else, something more. I had no faith in humanity. I didn't think anyone could genuinely care about other people. Emily, though, loved and cared about everyone in her life. She saw friends as family and strangers as friends. She would not hesitate to go out of her way for the sake of helping others. I see humanity as a whole very differently now. I know the potential for human beings to love each other, to live a life of compassion, mostly because I can now see that potential within myself. In my life's journey since that day with the scissors, I think I have become one of these kinds of people, or at least I am striving to become one. I think that's just beautiful.

I think every pickup artist MUST develop this positive habit. RSD talks about giving value. As much as I hate to quote him, Mehow talks about giving value. Mark Redman, the relatively new guru on College Game who automatically subscribes you to a "Mastermind Program" by taking money from your bank account monthly without giving enough warning ahead of time when you buy his ebook, refers to it as "giving love." Plenty of pickup companies nowadays are catching on because the habit of giving value is an extraordinarily attractive trait.

I think that the GENUINE habit of giving value is rooted in the feeling of compassion. I believe that all human beings are naturally compassionate. To have compassion for others, one must understand others. To understand others, one must understand himself. Some people have great difficulty in expressing their compassion because they allow themselves to be blinded by ego. Now, where did this ego come from?

When a man isn't self-aware, he allows his ego to creep up to compensate for the metaphorical wounds he has suffered from early on in his life. This is practically unavoidable, unless the man has had a perfect childhood. We usually call those guys "Naturals," by the way. Not to say that ALL Natural pickup artists have been raised flawlessly, of course.

The ego disallows us from accepting reality as it is, which in turn disallows us from taking the right actions toward positive change. For example, our ego tells us to stay in our comfort zone by telling us that we are "good enough," when in reality we want to IMPROVE. A man can let his ego tell him that doing cold approaches isn't his "style." A man can let his ego tell him that he doesn't need to read a book on pickup or relationships because he is above doing things like that. A man can let his ego tell him that he doesn't need to challenge himself by moving onto level 2 because he's already good at level 1. Ultimately, the ego makes us closed-minded.

A man does have the ability, however, to muster enough self-control to tame his ego. Trust me, Buddhists do it all the time. It takes humility to hold an empty cup, but it's easy to have humility when you can admit to yourself that you are currently not the best man you could possibly be, but you are striving to become your best self. As my friend RedpoleQ once said, "A man isn't what you are. A man is what you become."

Once someone lets go of ego, it becomes easy to practice non-resistance. I learned from RSD's Blueprint program that resistance is actually an emotion we feel. Once we accept reality for what it is by NOT letting ourselves feel resistance (come on, we're men so we can control our own emotions), we can allow ourselves to take the right actions to change our very reality. To me this is like an amazing 2-step program that can solve any problem. First, you accept yourself and reality. Then, you take right action to change yourself and reality.

All of this leads to a greater sense of self-awareness, which leads to a greater sense of understanding, which leads to an unlocking of your naturally compassionate nature, which leads to an unlocking of your natural habit of giving love and value, which leads to attracting more people, *cough*which leads to you getting laid*cough*. All of this makes you a better person in the end, which allows for a greater opportunity in leaving everyone you interact with better than you found them.

Imagine a world full of compassion and positive energy like that. Wow, right? And it all starts with you.

Passion for pickup

2008-08-07T01:07:00.000-07:00

I've got some exciting news!

Brad sold pick-up-artist-forum.com to Richard La Ruina, aka Gambler, of PUA Training. We've got a lot of new things planned for the future of PUAF with the new leadership. Mr. La Ruina has also made me a Site Administrator, and I've already set a lot of things in motion to make the forum better and higher-quality.

I also recorded an interview I did with a natural today and it shall be available on the website shortly.

Anyway, I was having a conversation with one of my pledge brothers today and he was asking me why I do this whole pickup thing.

I remember when I first started liking girls. I was really young - second grade. My first crush was this blonde girl named Jessica, and that's all I remember about her. From that early age I started developing a deep appreciation for feminimity and for both the pain and joy it brings to my life. I learned to really love women. Seriously, I love women to death now. I think they're the most beautiful creations on the face of this planet, physically, mentally, spiritually. I am grateful for pickup; it showed me how to express my appreciation for such beauty without being a creeper lol.

My pledge brother was under the impression that I saw women as objects, and he brought it up when I was comparing pickup to a hobby that he liked to do, swimming.

I told him that, like pickup, the reason a swimmer would continue swimming after he had achieved all he wanted to achieve (mastering the discipline, winning trophies and competitions, etc.) would be because he simply loved to swim.

"OK, so if pickup is to women as swimming is to water, wouldn't that mean you're treating women as things?" he asked. By his logic, water is a thing, and according to that analogy, a woman would also be a thing.

I poured my heart out when I replied, connecting to that part of me that really felt a loving passion for the female half of our species, "No. Even though I'm not a swimmer, I can imagine that if I were a swimmer who was really passionate about swimming, I wouldn't see water as a thing. I'd look out into the ocean and I wouldn't just see WATER. I'd see a partner. Every droplet of water that touches my skin when I'm moving through that ocean would be a little taste of enlightenment. And I would feel on a gut-level that the ocean was actually HAPPY for me to swim in it."

"Touche."

-Chief

You can run but you can't hide

2008-07-30T01:52:00.001-07:00

...and running won't even do you any good. It'll only exhaust you.

I'm currently experiencing some domestic turbulence within my own household right now, and it's reminding me of a very important life lesson. Try as you might, but you can't fucking hide shit from the world, especially not from the people that are actually involved in your life.

Go ahead and try. Go ahead and go out in-field and say cocky and funny lines without actually having cockiness and humor as a part of your genuine personality. Go ahead and tell a story about saving your stripper ex-girlfriend from some chodes chasing her around when in reality you're a virgin who's never had a girlfriend. Go ahead and ask for a woman's opinion on something without actually caring about what her opinion is. Go ahead and try lying to people like that, but you won't succeed in convincing anyone of anything other than the absolute truth. Sure, once in a while you can TRICK someone into believing your lies, but somewhere down the road you're running on, you're going to trip and fall flat on your face... and who knows what kinds of debris will be on the ground of that road? The face you must show to the world may be forever scarred from glass and hot coals.

Pickup isn't about tricking anyone into anything. It's about becoming that awesome guy you've always envisioned yourself to be. You'll be attracting women left and right because you'll be expressing your genuine best self, not because you're hiding behind a mask. You'll be attracting as a result from giving that loving energy out to the world since you've got plenty of that feeling for yourself.

Being honest is a very scary thought, I know, but it isn't so scary when you've hit that point of becoming proud of yourself for something inside you, and not for something you've done or anything else outside of you. Sure, it can still be scary at times, but then there's that confidence that automatically comes with that pride of self-validation. Once you dive into the pool of honesty, it doesn't seem so scary anymore.

Most people look at PUA methods like the Mystery Method or the Speed Seduction process and see that as an opportunity to manipulate others into thinking you're something that you're not. Fucking stop that. I look at PUA methods and see an opportunity to express my core intent in an artistic manner. Pickup is an opportunity to express what's on the inside because that's basically what any ART is. That's what the "A" in PUA fucking stands for: Artist.

You're not going to make it by faking it. You have to develop your mentality and lifestyle through discipline and hardcore life experience until you reach a point where you can see yourself as "beautiful on the inside," as cheesy as that sounds. Only then can you really use Outer Game models in pickup to successfully pick up. Pick up yourself, your life, then pick up chicks. That's when you'll feel like you have some real control over your love life.

Hiding behind a mask is only going to give you a long laundry list of problems you've never imagined before. Let go of that ego and reveal your true self. Once you've done that, you're fucking free to move in whatever direction of change you wish to go.

-Chief

A meditation on struggle

2008-07-13T05:05:00.001-07:00

I've been thinking about something earlier today, and I just read something that Beschatten wrote in response to a question that somebody asked that got me thinking even more.

"People lose sleep over a death, not a girl. Get a grip." -Beschatten

Several years ago, when I was in middle school, I went through a completely negative and hateful goth phase. I wore all black, I hated the world, I hated myself, I hated my life. I was full of self-pity and believed that I've "been through a lot of shit." Even nowadays people tell me that I seem very mature for my age and it seems that I've "been through a lot."

I've begun to see that that is total bullshit. What have I been through? 30+ rejections in middle school may have left me in emotional turmoil to the point of fucked up depression, but these were all just GIRL ISSUES. How could I have been such a pussy to have been suicidal over GIRL ISSUES?

My parents stayed together. I was fed whenever I was hungry. I received (and am receiving) good education. I was provided with a plethora of extracurricular activities. I was never captured and tortured. I was never forced to endanger myself. I was never sexually abused. Hell, I've never even been GROUNDED (grounding isn't a standard disciplinary method in Asian cultures). I haven't been through shit. I haven't ever been REALLY tested to earn manhood.

I was even disappointed at my performance at one point while I was pledging for Sigma Chi. I can't reveal details as I am sworn to secrecy, but let's just say that I could have been more of a man.

I've always thought that I've experienced a lot of the bad shit life has to offer, but what the fuck do I know? I've never had it THAT bad. I've just been a pussy when I was a kid. What do I know of real struggle?

I've been exposed to some pretty bad racism and other kinds of prejudice against me. I've had my heart broken by countless oneitises. I've had to go to court. I've had a friend die in a car crash. I've had a friend die of heart attack. My taekwondo grandmaster died of lung disease. I've had friends of friends commit suicide. I've had close friends ATTEMPT suicide. I've had issues with my parents. I've had issues with friends and girlfriends. I used to have a drinking problem. I used to be a chain smoker. Someone hacked into my Neopets account and took all my Neopoints. Someone stole my credit card information. Sure, I've been through all that, but can I really call that "a lot?" What do I know of REAL struggle?

Everything I have been through has been completely laughable compared to the shit my own father has been through, laughable compared to the shit people over in Darfur are going through, laughable compared to the shit people in communist nations have been through, laughable compared to the hunger that people in third world countries feel. I don't have to fear for my life on a daily basis. I don't have to worry about how I'm going to get my next meal. I don't have friends and family dropping like flies left and right. I don't have to worry about the government killing me for exercising my freedom of speech. I don't have trees falling on me from lumber work and having to drive myself to a far-away hospital while half-paralyzed from the spinal impact (props to Sean Messenger and his family). I don't have the world watching my every move as I try to achieve something no man has done before.

"I once cried because I had no shoes. Then I met a man with no feet." -Anonymous

Guys, we are all here to learn from each other, better our lives, and create solutions to our perceived problems. Keep a bigger picture in your minds, though, and know that any problem we may have with GIRLS... it's really not that bad. It's really no big deal. The struggle you face on the path of learning pickup is NOTHING compared to the struggles of REAL LIFE.

Real life turns you into a real man. Pickup can help, but it's not the meat and potatoes. It's just the seasoning.

I'm 18 years old, I have a head full of PUA knowledge, a resume of some solid field experience, but I haven't seen nothin' yet. I can't wait to see what life has in store to REALLY test me. I can't wait to face the hardships that life has to offer so I can develop some real, solid character. Time to step forward.

-Chief

Having standards

2008-06-16T20:24:00.000-07:00

A lot of guys in the community talk about "having standards" because it's a good ideal to follow. However, not enough guys actually look past their lustful physical desires to really identify what they're looking for in the women they seek to have in their lives. So, I actually sat down and wrote a list of qualities that I'd like to see in the women I get involved with.

I'm looking for a woman who is... (in no order of importance)
> Open-minded
> Adventurous
> Respectful of others
> Caring
> Unselfish
> Compassionate
> Passionate about something
> Feminine
> A little weird in some way
> Openly bisexual
> Likes music and dancing
> Self-aware
> Doesn't hold grudges
> Allows herself to live in the moment
> Not a communist

That's my list for now. It'll probably change as I experience more of life. If you don't have a list, why not make one? It'll at least let you prove to yourself that you actually do have standards.

-Chief

South Korea

2008-06-09T17:13:00.000-07:00

I recently spent some time in Seoul, South Korea so far during my summer vacation. It was a blast! I go to Korea all the time to visit family, but I never tasted the nightlife or anything fun about Korea until this time. I met a bunch of guys from the Korea Lair, which is very well organized and led by a PUA who goes by BlueMystery. I was very impressed by Korea Lair and I hope I can help make the New Orleans lair just as organized and motivated once I get back.

Sarging there was a fun experience like no other. Let me tell ya, the dive bars in Seoul are like the high-class bars in America. At least that's what my impression was like. You can check out my FRs from my trip if you know where to find them.

One of the guys in Korea Lair told me that it's a DHV to be American (novelty factor), and if you are from America and happen to be Korean by race, it's even better because the girls feel safer and more comfortable by being with a guy who's still Asian. At the same time, they're still experiencing something new and foreign. I'm totally going to learn how to be fluent in Korean (my Korean sucks) and going back next year.

I used to always say that I don't prefer Asian chicks, but now I have a whole new appreciation for them. I can't wait to travel more. =)

-Chief

Obsession.

2008-05-06T19:23:00.001-07:00

They say that the Tarot cards can tell you things about yourself. Of course, a lot of the fortune telling aspects of Tarot that attempt to predict the future are hocus pocus bullshit with little or no scientific validity. Nonetheless, each card in the deck is designed to speak to a universal archetype that anyone can relate to.

There are a lot of customized decks out there that deviate from the classic Roar-Waite style in one way or another. The particular deck I have replaced the Devil card with one titled "Obsession," depicting a S&M-like scene with a nude blindfolded woman tied down to pentagram on the wall. When I first looked through my cards, I found myself most drawn to this card in particular. Was this simply because of my Dom/sub fetish, or was there something more to this?

I saw the movie, "The Prestige" for the second time today. The first time I saw it, which was when it was first released in theaters, I didn't think of it like I'm thinking of it now. That movie's all about obsession. For those of you who haven't seen it, go watch it. It's an excellent movie.

In The Prestige, there are two rival show magicians who are constantly trying to be more successful than the other. They are constantly trying to prove themselves as the "better" magician by messing up each other's shows, stealing each other's tricks, etc. A huge theme than ran along with the theme of obsession was the idea of sacrifice. Each of the two magicians had to sacrifice a lot for their art. One of them lived his entire life in a lie and the other even ended up killing himself about 100 times (watch the movie). They each gave up a part of their humanity for obsession.

While watching The Prestige today, I couldn't help but to relate to one of these guys very strongly. I looked back at my life these past six or seven months, back from when a very dramatic rivalry sparked between me and one of my former pickup students. He was literally the best student I had, yielding more results than I, and then he stabbed me in the back. "Spin." What an appropriate PUA name he chose for himself. I removed him from my inner circle.

For many months after that shit show in October of 2007, I fell into obsession and literally thought of nothing but becoming better than him. It made me push myself in some good ways, but slowly I was chipping away at my psyche and at my humanity. It forced me to challenge and even disown some morals I had previously held. It made me start smoking. It made me criticize myself in ways that hindered me rather than drive me forward. It brought me to the study of NLP, something we in my inner circle regarded as the "dark side" of pickup. Of course, I see NLP and Speed Seduction in a more positive light nowadays, but nonetheless the motivation I was driven by to this discipline wasn't noble.

And, on top of this obsessive path of self-destruction I've taken, I bear the burden of guilt. Guilt for having created a monster. This guy doesn't exactly have the best intentions, and I was blind to his negatives, despite the endless warnings from my peers.

I don't know where I'm at with this whole obsessive rivalry ordeal right now. Of course, I've cut off communication with him, so I don't really know what to compare myself to, so I've certainly calmed down a bit. However, how would I react if I saw what his current standing was in pickup? And, would I still have the goal of becoming a mPUA if he didn't exist? I either don't know or I'm afraid to let myself know.

If it weren't for the wise words of the gurus like David Deangelo ("Compare your progress and success only to yourself") that I at least claim to vehemently apply to my life, I would have let this whole obsession thing spiral my life down to a complete catastrophe. However, I cannot proudly say for certain that I have lived congruently with these excellent Inner Game values. I must concede that, as a mortal human being, I am not perfect. In fact I am far from perfect. I must become better. At least better than him. No, wait, I mean "better than where I'm at now."

Sigh.

-Chief

Social Psychology and Pickup: The Overjustification Effect and Intrinsic Motivation

2008-04-28T22:44:00.000-07:00

Taken from an old folk tale:
"An old man lived alone on a street where boys played noisily every afternoon. The din annoyed him, so one day he called the boys to his door. He told them he loved the cheerful sound of the children's voices and promised them each 50 cents if they would return the next day. Next afternoon, the youngsters raced back and played more lustily than ever. The old man paid them and promised another reward the next day. Again they returned, whooping it up, and the man paid them; this time 25 cents. The following day they only got 15 cents, and the man explained that his meager resources were being exhausted. "Please, though, would you come to play for 10 cents tomorrow?" The disappointed boys told the man they would not be back. It wasn't worth the effort, they said, to play all afternoon at his house for only 10 cents."

There are many elements in psychology that can explain the behavioral responses of women to AFCs and PUAs. Social psychology offers the theory of the overjustification effect as one underlying reason as to why AFCs fail to elicit desired responses from women.

The overjustification effect - The result of bribing people to do what they already like doing; they may then see their actions as externally controlled rather than intrinsically appealing.

Intrinsic motivation - Motivation to do something out of genuine internal preference and liking.

From his study and development of Inner Game, a PUA comes to fully understand and believe, with every fiber of his being, that women love sex. The act of sex is intrinsically motivated within both men and women. The AFC, on the other hand, fails to truly recognize women's genuine liking of sex. Therefore, he, in a way, feels compelled to instill an external motivation within her to do the dirty with him.

In the mind of an AFC, women don't like sex. He comes to this conclusion through his faulty interpretation of social scripts.

Social scripts - Culturally provided mental instructions for how to act in various situations.

Women, from being sexually oppressed by a patriarchal society that has used sex as a competitive resource for too many generations, developed the social script of responding negatively to sexual topics when presented in public situations. Examples of this behavior can be seen whenever a woman responds to a sexual joke in disgust or when she says anything along the lines of, "I'm not a slut" and "I don't do that on the first date."

The AFC interprets the social script as "women don't like sex." Logically, if you want someone to do something that they don't like doing, you must compensate them with external rewards. The AFC takes this logical path and compensates women with external rewards such as drinks, dinners, gifts, and an overall attitude of supplication, during the process of courtship. In doing so, the AFC triggers the overjustification effect. When a person is rewarded with external factors to do something he or she already likes, he or she loses sight of his or her intrinsic motivation and justifies his or her actions as "I did it because I was paid to do so."

Proof of the reality of this effect can be observed in experiments by Edward Deci and Richard Ryan (1991, 1997) at the University of Rochester, by Mark Lepper and David Greene (1979) at Stanford, and by Ann Boggiano and her colleagues (1985, 1987) at the University of Colorado:
"Pay people for playing with puzzles, and they will later play with the puzzles less than those who play for no pay. Promise children a reward for doing what they intrinsically enjoy (for example, playing with Magic Markers), and you will turn their play into work."

It is implied that intrinsic motivation is an undeniably more powerful and consistent of a driving force in motivation than any mode of external compensation. In failing to recognize women's innate desire to have sex, the AFC forces his targets to replace her intrinsic motivations with his inconsistent, incongruent, and desperate offerings of resources.

Social Psychology, ninth edition, by David G. Myers:
"When people do something they enjoy, without reward or coercion, they attribute their behavior to their love of the activity. External rewards undermine intrinsic motivation by leading people to attribute their behavior to the incentive."

Myers also points out that "the overjustification effect occurs when someone offers an unnecessary reward beforehand in an obvious effort to control behavior."

Rosenfeld & others, 1980; Sansone, 1986:
"Rewards that seek to control people and lead them to believe it was the reward that caused their effort - 'I did it for the money' - diminish the intrinsic appeal of an enjoyable task."

In terms of pickup, this evidence is a clear explanation as to why women feel unappreciative toward AFCs who supplicate to them as a strategy of bedding her. The supplication makes the woman feel less intrinsic motivation, and therefore more jaded, bitchy, and less able to revel in the beauty of pure human desires.

Consciously armed with this knowledge of the overjustification effect, a PUA can keep himself in check to make sure that he isn't preemptively rewarding a woman with external factors such as IOIs and SOIs for following him in the progressive route toward the mutually pleasurable experience of sex. By acknowledging and reinforcing the woman's intrinsic motivation (not just for sex, but for all areas of life), the PUA can "leave her better than he found her," letting her fully enjoy an internal cultivation of her enthusiasm for life.

-Chief

Mainstream

2008-04-19T19:12:00.000-07:00

There's a keg at the house tonight and I'm going, but I'd like to take a minute to talk about how this underground pickup community is surfacing into the mainstream.

If you didn't already know, ever since Neil Strauss (Style) released his best-selling novel The Game back in 2005 and Erik Von Markovik (Mystery) had that show "The Pickup Artist" on VH1 just last year or something, more and more people have become aware of this community. It isn't so "underground" anymore.

Sure, I kinda miss the days when all this stuff was more secretive and all I knew was the C&F and Inner Game shit that David Deangelo preached, but these mainstream additions to the community have actually opened my eyes to more and different schools of pickup, and gave me the opportunity to expand my horizons.

I think Mystery and Style have done very good things for the world by letting more people know about this stuff. However, there have been unfortunate consequences.

A lot of PUAs complain that more girls or HBs call them out on canned material. "OMG you got that from that VH1 show!" ...but that's not what I'm talking about. That is NOT a bad thing. If a PUA hasn't reached the level where he's using his OWN authentic material, he's just being a copy cat and isn't really learning the real lessons. It's a good thing that more people are recognizing this.

The unfortunate consequence that I think has taken place, however, is that the Mystery Method is currently the reigning "mainstream" method for pickup. Sure, I think the Mystery Method is a fun and legit Outer Game method to follow, but it really isn't the best way to go about learning pickup... and it's unfortunate to see so many newbies flocking to Mystery's school of thought.

Why do I say this? I think the Mystery Method somewhat promotes being fake. I have nothing against Indirect Game, but to me the Mystery Method is mostly about acting like something that you're not. It's the method that involves mostly canned material and the idea of "fake it til you make it." It's useful as hell to learn, but not so great when you've fixated on learning ONLY the Mystery Method. There's almost zero Inner Game development involved.

I think people should turn to the Mystery Method once they have already gotten their Inner Game and confidence honed from other schools such as David Deangelo, Carlos Xuma, Inner Game specific programs from Ross Jeffries, and even RSD. This whole "fake it til you make it" crap is going to mess up a lot of heads.

It IS a good thing, however, that the mainstream form of pickup has shifted to being a social development centered discipline rather than a hypnosis/NLP centered discipline. That Speed Seduction stuff is tricky shit, man. I'm learning from that school of thought because the psychology behind it is really interesting to me, but it really isn't worth learning just for the sake of pickup.

I am personally planning on moving completely away from Mystery Method and taking up Gunwitch Method. It's seems a lot more authentic and honest to me, and there's almost no canned material involved.

Jeffy Freedom Tour

2008-04-03T12:47:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, RSD has been giving free workshops with Jlaix (aka Jeffy) and Ciaran. They were in New Orleans yesterday so of course I HAD to attend.

I was completely stoked, man! I finally had the chance to meet some of the BEST masters in the field.

I walked into the room and was starstruck. I see Jlaix on the other side and Ciaran approaches me and we shake hands. Holy shit, dude. I am shaking the hand of the man who created the concept of Shock and Awe and the currently popular Apocalypse Opener. I pronounce his name wrong. He AMOGs me. After I shake Jlaix's hand, I make a light joke making fun of the fact that he was using a Mac. He AMOGs me. It was great. =P

The presentation was awesome. Jlaix is definitely a man who lives up to his reputation. The entire time, I was thinking, "Wow, these guys have been through it all over years and years and years of this pickup artistry. I can really feel a strong difference in their energy because of that."

Apparently Jlaix picked up one of the chicks working at the Crepe place while he was here. I probably know her.

Now, onward to shake the hands of all the other mPUAs!

Living the story

2008-03-20T19:02:00.000-07:00

So lately I've been trying to develop my DHV stories more, and I've come to realize something very liberating.

You don't have to sit down and structure a story with some kind of formula.

As Mystery says, being a PUA is about "building a life." I agree with this wholeheartedly. If you develop your Inner Game by adopting a success-oriented and fun-oriented frame of reality, you will become mentally prepared and motivated to live life to the fullest.

Inner Game is followed by Outer Game. Once you've got the right head on your shoulders, take Right Action. Start acting on your PUA impulses because you are READY RIGHT NOW to live the fucking life.

Put yourself out there and make your life an adventure. Once you do that, you'll be living your DHV stories. Telling these real stories will definitely be naturally chock full of DHV spikes, and you'll have this "DHV story" stuff down pat... in the best way possible.

So, what you want to do is this:
1. Get out and live life. Do what you want to do, and go where the wind takes you.
2. Pick some events that you feel GREAT about.
3. Tell your story and express your true self through it.

Don't fucking worry about hitting the 5 attraction switches or anything like that. If you are telling a positive story that you can actually FEEL and express emotionally, you are going to convey attractive qualities with your genuine Inner Game-developed personality. The number one attractive quality that you will be expressing is AUTHENTICITY. It's great shit.

If you don't already have Inner Game, start developing that NOW. There's an endless amount of material out there in the PUA community that can help you with that. Seek and you will find, bitches!

Rock,
-Chief

Compliments and interest

2008-02-28T20:41:00.000-08:00

I recieved a private message from a girl today on a forum that I post in sometimes:

"Chief! I love reading your posts, you're one of the only people I'll actually make an effort to see what they write on here. Anyway, just wanted you to know you are appreciated!"

As I was trying to think about how I would respond to this message, my mind was drawing a blank. And then, a wave of thoughts and ideas molested my head:

1. "I recieved a sincere compliment. Good ego boost."
2. "This was from a member of the opposite sex."
3. "I don't know what she looks like because this is the internet."
4. "Besides a standard line like, 'thank you,' I don't know what to say in response."
5. "Why? She failed to mention anything about herself. The focus was completely directed upon me."
6. "She didn't say or ask anything that could potentially elicit a genuine response from me."
7. "I am not interested in her because she didn't give me anything to be interested in."

Don't get me wrong... there was nothing wrong with this girl as far as I could tell. She's a sweetheart. She just didn't talk to me with the most favorable combination of words.

AFCs compliment girls all the time. What happens when a guy walks up to a girl and gives a compliment? Right off the bat, something like this will go on in her head:

1. "I recieved a sincere compliment. Good ego boost."
2. "This was from a member of the opposite sex."
3. "I can judge him a little bit by what he looks like, but that's not enough for my feelings to really decide on anything."
4. "Besides a standard response like 'thank you,' I don't know what to say in response."
5. "Why? He failed to mention anything about himself. The focus was completely directed upon me."
6. "He didn't say or ask anything that could potentially elicit a genuine response from me."
7. "I am not interested in him because he didn't give me anything to be interested in."

I already knew these concepts, but this realization made me see things more clearly in a structured manner. Having the other-side perspective really opens your eyes. Now I actually feel sorry for all those hot girls at the bars lol. They must be bored out of their minds with guys like that all over the place. Let's go do them a favor, fellas.

-Chief

The rum wasn't gone this time

2008-02-23T03:48:00.000-08:00

Have you guys tried Old New Orleans Rum? That shit is good. A little cheaper than Captain Morgan, and arguably a little better.

Apparently I've got some spies checking my blog here - kids from my college that aren't in the PUA community. They think this shit's "funny." Great. My first reaction, of course, was, "I need to delete this blog." Then I realized that I don't really have anything to hide here. I post my FRs and LRs elsewhere, anyway. =P

Seriously, though. Go out and try some Old New Orleans Rum. It's heaven.

Uh... Yeah, I don't really have anything else to say right now lol.

-Chief

Asians

2008-02-05T12:43:00.000-08:00

It's fucking MARDI GRAS!!! Fat Tuesday!

Did I already mention how awesome this place is? I'll say it again if I did: New Orleans is fucking awesome.

HAPPY MARDI GRAS!!!

I have made myself a regular at this bar/club called the Dungeon. Every time I go there, I enjoy myself by having a good time on the dancefloor, talking to people, eating cherries soaked in everclear, etc. As a PUA, I'm not a shy guy at the bar. I'm loud when I want to be and I actually talk to strangers. Oh, and I'm an Asian guy.

Let me tell ya. My entire life I've been going against Asian stereotypes. You can't blame me, give me a break. Asian guys are stereotypically shy nerds with no social skills. I could never really find a genuine desire within myself to align with such an identity. Fuck no, sir.

Asians in general are raised to focus primarily on academics and whatever's related to making money stabily and successfully. That's all that really matters in life for long term happiness, right? PSHHH. Every PUA and cold reader knows: Health, Wealth, and Relationships. Those are the three main categories in our lives that we need success in for happiness. Asians stereotypically sacrifice developments and potential success in Health and Relationships to focus primarily on Wealth. Fuck that shit. As a consequence, most Asian guys are completely socially inept, therefore having a sexless reputation.

Sure, sometimes I think things like "things would be a lot easier if I were white," but I've never really let my race hold me back in anything. I do what I want to do. It's probably because I started all this PUA stuff at a REALLY young age. I have pretty decent Inner Game and my limiting beliefs have been annihilated.

The fact of the matter is - most Asian guys lack confidence...immensely. And we all know that confidence is one of the most attractive qualities a PUA can convey. If it weren't for me stumbling upon one of David Deangelo's online ads years ago, I'd probably be in the same fucking pathetic boat.

I was watching a bunch of youtube videos the other night where people were talking about how you rarely see Asian guys with white chicks, how white guys "steal our Asian girls," how Asian guys have a disadvantage in the American dating scene, etc. I had a hard time identifying with these guys, though. I get romantically involved with white girls all the time. It's not an issue for me.

Limiting beliefs are silly.

Oh, I'd also like to give a shout out to JT aka AsianPlayboy and TokyoPUA. You guys are an inspiration to Asian PUAs everywhere. Hopefully I'll be joining your ranks in the future.

-Chief

EDIT: TokyoPUA is not Asian. >=(

The community is a real community =)

2008-02-02T02:56:00.001-08:00

It's 5 AM and I just got in from an entire day, night, and I guess morning, of MARDI GRAS!!! Man, this shit is fucking FUN. This is actually my first ever Mardi Gras in New Orleans. I must say, it is an understatement to say that New Orleans is unique.

I spent the night out partying it up with both of my fellow New Orleans PUA lair leaders, a couple regular members, and three other PUAs that flew in from Pennsylvania for Mardi Gras. I experienced first-hand of how real this PUA community is. It's like one big fat fraternity of men with common interests. We have the information age to thank for that. We could not be living in a better time. Now is the time when communication amongst like-minded individuals across the globe can most effectively get in touch with one another. It's a wonderful thing, I must say.

This community is not full of socially inept computer nerds as one may imagine. These guys I met from soooo many miles away were legit cool guys. The community is full of so many different kinds of people but we're all connected.

Some may say that tools like the internet just makes the world a smaller place with less to be discovered, taking away a sense of wonderment. No, dude... the more we discover, the more we realize how much more there is to discover. If nothing else, our horizons are broadened to the realization that there's a lot more to explore than we ever thought possible. There's an old saying that says something very similar to that, I swear.

-Chief

Lookin' for love in all the wrong definitions

2008-02-01T00:19:00.000-08:00

I gotta admit. We pickup artists are fucking pathetic. We are the male counterparts to drugged up strippers who can never find satisfaction and fulfillment. Why? You could say that we're all "looking for love in all the wrong places."

As someone with respect for Buddhists beliefs (I'm a Taoist), I believe I understand what true love is about. In short, it's an all-encompassing compassion for humanity. What do most PUAs look for, though? The Rolling Stones knew... "I can't get no satisfaction."

We're living in a society where there is so much emphasis on sensory stimulation. I know that it's all an illusion that has no real importance, but it still affects us all. I am no exception.

I still think about those times when I had a real, deep, intimate connection with a girl. Those feelings are a drug, man. We PUAs are always looking to get our fix off of women. We want those wonderful feelings of acceptance and affection. Most of the time, it's a small dosage from a friend with benefits or something, but sometimes we take the heavy shit. Sometimes we get a shot of that thing that western society mistakenly calls "love" and then BOOM we are DRUGGED.

My name is Chief and I am an addict.

I still think about those more intimate times, when she and I would find ourselves just naturally getting closer and closer physically without either of us consciously realizing what was going on. Then, I realize that I've been sick with a cold for a few days and say, "I'm not going to kiss you. I'm sick" Then, she shoots back with a simple, "you should." I still remember those timeless nights on the phone when she would tell me that she would love me forever and ever, and I would tell her that I love her so much that I'd die for her. I still think about... Psh. PUAs learn the skills of seduction just so we can be temporarily happy AFCs. The more of an AFC we can be the better. It's the illusion of love that motivates us.

And then... the cycle repeats itself. The relationship, whatever type of relationship it was, ends and we go out to find our new fix. Another dosage of these feelings from a different dealer. The next dealer has something different for you... the same feelings, just different dosages. You can get a one night stand and that would be just one shot of your poison. I know I'm mixing up drug and alcohol analogies here, but bear with me. You can begin a whole new romantic relationship and that would be an entire handle of your poison. Either way, you're going to run dry at some point and you'll just end up being more dependant on the external substance of "love." It's a vicious cycle.

Some PUAs are in this just to get laid more. They just want that sensation over and over again. The rest of us are seeking something more, but nothing more noble or honorable. We just want everyone to give us unconditional love. What the hell kind of bullshit is that?

We pickup artists are fucking pathetic. Oh, well. I guess I'll just go sarging tomorrow night. Then, I'll be happy again because this is a fun game to play.

The bottle's gunna run dry again, though. Sigh.

-Chief